to pre-feed to to not pre-feed...THAT'S the question

dodgegirl21 · January 2012

Eigghhh...

First off- we don't have many kids that could possibly come (maybe 8). However, at a cost issue, we are barely, BARELY allowing any +1 year old's. Any guest in adult age will probably not be allowed a 'plus 1' unless it's incredible SERIOUS.

So, at our reception hall (where it's nearly 100.00 pp WITH OUT non alcoholic OR alcoholic bev) kids meals are charged at $50.00.-- yes, for chicken fingers or pasta....DUMB DUMB DUMB!!!

Is it horrible for me, the bride who's footing the majority of this bill along with my parents to ask the family to bring snacks for the kiddos? We thought about no kids at the reception, but that then would leave out quite a few of our friends w young kids....yikes...

to pre-feed or to not pre-feed....

[Deleted User] · January 2012

So, you don't want to provide meals to the kids at all?

[Deleted User] · January 2012

Yeah, it's pretty terrible. I know the prices that venues charge can stink, but you're still the host and it's up to you to provide meals. You could have a no-kids reception but offer to provide some sort of childcare? A lot of parents don't like that, they'd rather pick out their own sitters. That said, you don't think these parents could find sitters if their kids weren't invited?

Also, with the +1's- just a friendly reminder that ANYone in a relationship should have a +1. You really can't judge how serious someone's relationship is.

Mrs.B6302007 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-feed-not-pre-feedthats-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ab15654-1502-46c6-9a10-033877d67ee9Post:ee1c0790-cfef-4366-aebb-8609aa51d090">to pre-feed to to not pre-feed...THAT'S the question</a>:
[QUOTE]Eigghhh... First off- we don't have many kids that could possibly come (maybe 8). However, at a cost issue, we are barely, BARELY allowing any +1 year old's. Any guest in adult age will probably not be allowed a 'plus 1' unless it's incredible SERIOUS. So, at our reception hall (where it's nearly 100.00 pp WITH OUT non alcoholic OR alcoholic bev) kids meals are charged at $50.00.-- yes, for chicken fingers or pasta....DUMB DUMB DUMB!!! Is it horrible for me, the bride who's footing the majority of this bill along with my parents to ask the family to bring snacks for the kiddos? We thought about no kids at the reception, but that then would leave out quite a few of our friends w young kids....yikes... to pre-feed or to not pre-feed....
Posted by dodgegirl21[/QUOTE]

You would be incredibly rude to tell them to bring their own food for the kids. If you can't swing the $50 per child (which is ridiculously high!), then don't invite kids at all. Or....is it too late to look at other caterers?

And touching on another subject you mentioned. If a guest is in a relationship at all, regardless of how serious it is, their significant other does need to be invited. The way you worded it, it sounds like you *might* invite serious SOs. B&Gs don't get to determine how serious a relationship is. Just keep that in mind while planning.

Mrs.B6302007 · January 2012

Meant to say that one thing that it might be a good idea to have at least a few significant other "spots" reserved on your budget. Since your wedding isn't until August, some of your right-now single guests could be in relationships by the time the invitations go out and you would need to invite the SOs.

Rose March · January 2012

Sorry to tell you, but you have to feed all of your guests. If you don't want to pay for the kiddies, don't invite them. I'm also going to touch on the +1 for extremely serious relationships only, that's a big no no. Anyone in a relationship (by their definition) needs to have their SO included.

mkrupar · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-feed-not-pre-feedthats-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ab15654-1502-46c6-9a10-033877d67ee9Post:ee1c0790-cfef-4366-aebb-8609aa51d090">to pre-feed to to not pre-feed...THAT'S the question</a>:
[QUOTE]Eigghhh... First off- we don't have many kids that could possibly come (maybe 8). However, at a cost issue, we are barely, BARELY allowing any +1 year old's. Any guest in adult age will probably not be allowed a 'plus 1' unless it's incredible SERIOUS. So, at our reception hall (where it's nearly 100.00 pp WITH OUT non alcoholic OR alcoholic bev) kids meals are charged at $50.00.-- yes, for chicken fingers or pasta....DUMB DUMB DUMB!!! Is it horrible for me, the bride who's footing the majority of this bill along with my parents to ask the family to bring snacks for the kiddos? We thought about no kids at the reception, but that then would leave out quite a few of our friends w young kids....yikes... to pre-feed or to not pre-feed....
Posted by dodgegirl21[/QUOTE]

You're seriously considering not feeding children at your wedding? You're a terrible host if you go through with this plan. It's incredibly rude to invite people to your wedding and not feed them. Kids or not. Either don't invite the kids, and risk their parents not coming, or cough up the money to feed these kids.

Maybe you should hve chosen a cheaper venue if feeding 5 year olds is breaking the bank.

And you have to invite anyone in any kind of relationship. It's not on you to decide what's "serious" or not. You can't make arbitrary cutoffs like dating six months or engaged. Some people know after a month they're serious. So you better plan for those guests as well.

Sounds like someone needs to go back to the drawing board.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

Everything MK said. Seriously.

And if your venue is too expensive for you based on the number of guests that you have, you need to find a new venue.

mica178 · January 2012

Is this thread a joke? I hope so.

CassieeK · January 2012

Yeah, not feeding the kids should not even be on the table as an option.

MRads · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-feed-not-pre-feedthats-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ab15654-1502-46c6-9a10-033877d67ee9Post:ee1c0790-cfef-4366-aebb-8609aa51d090">to pre-feed to to not pre-feed...THAT'S the question</a>:
[QUOTE]Eigghhh... First off- we don't have many kids that could possibly come (maybe 8). <strong>However, at a cost issue, we are barely, BARELY allowing any +1 year old's. </strong>Any guest in adult age will probably not be allowed a 'plus 1' unless it's incredible SERIOUS. So, at our reception hall (where it's nearly 100.00 pp WITH OUT non alcoholic OR alcoholic bev) kids meals are charged at $50.00.-- yes, for chicken fingers or pasta....DUMB DUMB DUMB!!! Is it horrible for me, the bride who's footing the majority of this bill along with my parents to ask the family to bring snacks for the kiddos? We thought about no kids at the reception, but that then would leave out quite a few of our friends w young kids....yikes... to pre-feed or to not pre-feed....
Posted by dodgegirl21[/QUOTE]

Wait, are you saying that you aren't allowing plus ones, as in guests, or out of the 8 kids coming, there are only a few over the age of one? Because that would seriously change my answer, and those are two different questions.

If the venue is charging $50 for kids under 1, call me a bad host, but I do not think I would pay it. Mostly because kids under 1 are still on restricted diets, and parents of kids under 1 wouldn't let their kids eat that anyway. Can you clarify your question?

ETA: If they are over 1 but younger than 2, I would check with the parents to see what they want to feed their kids. I know my sister didn't require a meal for her 20 month old at my wedding, because she had food that she wanted to feed him. 2 and older, though definitely pay for the meal.

Summer2011Bride · January 2012

You need to feed EVERYBODY invited to your wedding. I'm a little shocked you are thinking of doing otherwise. Seriously, if you can't afford the kids (and I do agree the price of the meal is outrageous) then have an adults-only wedding. Parents with children I'm sure have been invited to other social events sans children. Leave it up to them to decide if they want to get a sitter or not come at all.

Also, ANYONE in a relationship gets to bring their SO. You are not the judge of seriousness of relationships. My H and I were very serious after only a few months of dating. If you had invited me alone without him at that point in time, I wouldn't have come and would have been offended.

hansa11 · January 2012

I was confused by how old the kids invited are too. I agree that it's rude to not feed your kid guests and that $50 a plate for them is ridiculous, (especially for the really young kids whose parents probably will bring their own food for them anyway) but you need to offer them something. Have you signed a contract? Can you try negotiating with the caterer for something cheaper? A kids meal was given to my then two-year-old at the last wedding he went to and it was way too much food for a kid that age. Honestly, a small plate with a sandwich and fruit would have been enough.

mkrupar · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-feed-not-pre-feedthats-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ab15654-1502-46c6-9a10-033877d67ee9Post:a3ced4ae-23db-497f-b3ce-874a072c61ec">Re: to pre-feed to to not pre-feed...THAT'S the question</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to to pre-feed to to not pre-feed...THAT'S the question : Wait, are you saying that you aren't allowing plus ones, as in guests, or out of the 8 kids coming, there are only a few over the age of one? Because that would seriously change my answer, and those are two different questions. If the venue is charging $50 for kids under 1, call me a bad host, but I do not think I would pay it. Mostly because kids under 1 are still on restricted diets, and parents of kids under 1 wouldn't let their kids eat that anyway. Can you clarify your question? ETA: If they are over 1 but younger than 2, I would check with the parents to see what they want to feed their kids. I know my sister didn't require a meal for her 20 month old at my wedding, because she had food that she wanted to feed him. 2 and older, though definitely pay for the meal.
Posted by MRads[/QUOTE]

This brings up a good point. If the kids are under one (or even under two) they most likely won't need a kids meal, probably couldn't eat it anyway.

If they're over two though you should definitely have the option available.

My suggestion would be to include the kids meal on the RSVP and see how many actually need them. You may only need 1 or 2 depending on what the parents decide. It's not however, your choice to tell them to feed their kids before the wedding so you can save money. That's where the rude part comes in.

kmmssg · January 2012

If you are questioning how to not feed the children and severely limiting your friends to +1's only if YOU deem the relationship serious then you have chosen a venue you can't afford. I really encourage you to back up here and find a venue you can afford. What made you decide on a venue that can't accomodate your friends/families SO's?

You need to look for a different venue

professorscience · January 2012

Could you see if your caterer could work in a "kid-friendly" option that isn't really a "kid's meal"? At the last second, we needed to add something on to a) meet our minimum and b) fill out our menu. The venue suggested chicken fingers, which we thought was a great idea because up until then, we didn't have anything that was really aimed right at the kids who were invited (we had stuff that we knew the kids we were inviting would eat, of course, but nothing that was like an easy finger food). There was enough for everyone, not just kids, and it wound up being a huge hit.

That said, if you're doing a plated dinner and not a buffet, that's not really an option, so maybe it doesn't help.

mollyehren · January 2012

Is paying a small plate fee an option for younger children? I know when we where younger it was common for my mom to share her meal with me.

sweetcanadian1979 · January 2012

If this isn't MUD i would find a new venue, who in their right mind would pay so much for food? Unless you are in a castle in england 100 is too much just for food.

StephBeanWed61502 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_pre-feed-not-pre-feedthats-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5ab15654-1502-46c6-9a10-033877d67ee9Post:221c4613-1b5d-48f2-94c8-9d39433368d2">Re: to pre-feed to to not pre-feed...THAT'S the question</a>:
[QUOTE]If this isn't MUD i would find a new venue, who in their right mind would pay so much for food? Unless you are in a castle in england 100 is too much just for food.
Posted by sweetcanadian1979[/QUOTE]

<div>This actually varies by region, TBH. I am in one of the highest cost-of-living areas in the US, and around here, $100 pp for a wedding is considered reasonable (it's roughly in the middle, price-wise). Venues that are fancy/famous (like Oheka Castle, where Derek Jeter got married a few years back) can go up to $300 or more per plate.</div><div>
</div><div>I still think OP needs to find a new venue, because she clearly can't afford the one she's picked, but just because $100 is a lot where you live doesn't mean someone has to be "not in their right mind" to pay that particular price.</div>

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