I'm a BM, DH is not in the wedding - must he attend rehearsal lunch?

pearlaqua · June 2012

Your friend is being rude by expecting you to work and not having your husband around, especially is transport is an issue.

I can't believe this bridezilla banned your husband from the rehearsal an set-up. It seems like she thinks her special snowflake Big Day will leave all gasping at the novelty of it all and she doesn't want to ruin it for anyone.

I say, yes, totally fine for husband to skip.

purplebear17 · June 2012

Thanks, Pearl. She's short on money and I get it - she's stressed. I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I don't want to hurt *her* feelings by him not going, but I also don't want my husband to have to sit alone all day, come over for 3 hours, then get shuffled out the door again.

ElisabethJoanne · June 2012

Purplebear, you sound like a great friend. Your husband does not have to attend this luncheon.

FWIW, I think this bride is silly. Not just silly for making you work, but silly for not wanting an extra, friendly, tall, strong person around the day before her wedding. I can understand not wanting too many extra people at a rehearsal. Rehearsals can be hard mental work if the ceremony is complicated. Extra people, especially the goofy kind, can be a distraction and problem. [Don't know anything about your husband, just saying hypothetically]

But for set up?! An extra man around to help move tables or heavy floral arrangements, or hang things up high?! Yes, please!

MairePoppy · June 2012

Your husband is not required to attend the rehearsal luncheon. Actually, you are not required to attend anything he is not invited to,either. Bridesmaids and guests should never be required to set up or cleanup. But it sounds like you want to help her out, which is going above and beyond the call of duty. I hope she realizes how lucky she is to have such a good friend. And I hope being excused from the luncheon will allow your husband to do something he wants to do for the day.

Summer2011Bride · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_im-a-bm-dh-is-not-in-the-wedding-must-he-attend-rehearsal-lunch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4f8c7576-11a5-4f43-995d-56a5b6d02ad7Post:80eb5d62-be7e-4b81-bf1b-8a58fde4dff3">I'm a BM, DH is not in the wedding - must he attend rehearsal lunch?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am a BM for a friend's wedding. Rehearsal is in the morning on the day before, followed by a rehearsal lunch,<strong> then I am required to stay around and help the bride set up and organize for the wedding the next day until 8 or so.</strong> DH is only invited to the lunch for 3 hours in the middle of the day (<strong>he was specifically told he is not allowed to attend the rehearsal or set up, which is fine).</strong> Does he have to attend the rehearsal lunch? Something to note is that we are coming out of town, and the transportation arrangements are going to be tricky for us with only one rental car. Would him not attending the lunch be something that's disappointing, understandable, or something else?
Posted by purplebear17[/QUOTE]

I think this bride sounds like a real peach. You are OK with her "requiring" you to do WORK for HER wedding? And basically kicking your H out except for a 3 hour period during the day? I would tell her where to shove it, not do her work for her, and if you are so inclined, go to the lunch with H.

owengirl996 · June 2012

It does sound a bit bridezilla of her, but if you guys are ok with what she's asking, then who am I to judge?! I usually enjoy helping people decorate and to help take the stress off of them, so I'd be happy to help her as well, just not sure about not "allowing" your DH.

Anyway, nope, he is not required to attend. I'm sure we are going to have people at our rehearsal who will not be at the rehearsal dinner. We are paying for it ourselves, so, to be honest, it's a good thing on my wallet! lol (Not that I wouldn't rather have them there...obviously I would, since they are all close enough to be involved with my wedding!)

purplebear17 · June 2012

Thanks, everyone.

I'm not happy with the arrangement, but I'm also not willing to start a fight to prove a point right now. I guess I just want to get through the two days in peace. This whole experience has definitely put our friendship in a different light.

DH will probably hang out that day with my DD (who is not invited to any of the wedding events) and my parents, who will be watching her for these two days instead of trekking to the picnic and back. Parents have one car, and we will have one rental that I will likely be using. They'll go out during the day and unless he goes with them, he'll have no transportation anyway. He would have gladly helped out where needed, but at this point, he will have a lot more fun on his own.

I'm a BM, DH is not in the wedding - must he attend rehearsal lunch?

Re: I'm a BM, DH is not in the wedding - must he attend rehearsal lunch?

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