Invitation text

ericacain · December 2009

I am a recently engaged bride-to-be, and there is one major problem: my mother. Nothing new there, right? Well, my mother has not spoken to me in months. When I tried to call her to tell her of my engagement, she wouldn't answer so I texted her the news. Long story made short, she's a bit of a drama queen, and she has been unhappy that her only child's world no longer revolves around her. I'm not being snarky--it's the truth.

So here is my question. Ettiquette-wise, what should my invitations say? My parents are divorced, and my father is paying for the majority of the wedding. My mother is not helping at all. I'm just not sure how to write an invitation under this circumstance.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

tlv204 · December 2009

This is why we used

Together with their families,
Tracey Smith
and
Bryan Jones
request the honor of your presence .... blah blah blah

But I might talk to your dad first to see if he specifically wants his name on there. Hopefully he won't care.

ootmother2 · December 2009

Ms. mom's first middle last

Mr. Dad's first middle last

request the honour of your presence

at the marriage of their daughter

etc.

You mom's name only goes first because of "ladies first"

no "and" between their names though as they are not married anymore

beatlesgirl25 · December 2009

I agree with tlv's idea, and to check with your dad, because technically that wording would imply that all parents are sharing hosting duties with you guys. Who is paying for the other part aside from your dad?

It sounds like you don't want to upset the situation with your mom anymore by excluding her from the invitation, but you also sound hurt by her and are questioning whether you want her name on there or not. What do you feel like doing?

ericacain · December 2009

tlv, I like your idea, but I kind of want to give recognition to my dad and to my fiance's parents because they have been incredibly supportive of me.

oot, I appreciate your suggestion, and I would like to go the traditional route. I just don't know how to do so without enabling/rewarding my mother's behavior and hurting my father's feelings. :-/

ericacain · December 2009

beatles, to be very honest, at this point my fiance doesn't even want her to be there. I am leaning that direction, too, but I know that eventually this, too, shall blow over, and I will be devastated that my mother wasn't there.

Sadly, I think it's a situation with no "right" answer.

As for who is paying, my fiance's parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner, then my fiance and I are paying for some things ourselves. My dad, however, is paying for the majority, and my mother is paying for nothing. I think she just plans to show up and play the doting mother, even though she won't speak to me.

tidetravel · December 2009

Weddings are not the time to be trying to make statements about a family member's actions/attitude, nor should they be used to teach people lessons and/or enable/punish someone's behavior.

There are several reasons that your mother may be acting the way she is. If she's always been like this, then you can't expect her to change her ways just because you're getting married. If she hasn't, the two of you need to have a heart to heart because something is very wrong in her life.

List her on the invitation. Even if she isn't contributing financially, I'm assuming that she's played some part in raising you to be the person that you are now. And absolutely invite her to the wedding.

Learn to pick your battles. They only get harder from here on out.

ExpatPumpkin · December 2009

Wedding invitations are no place to air your dirty laundry... Regardless of how your mom's been acting, I think you should:

a) use the "together with their families" wording, or

b) put her name on there with the rest of the parents' names (in an equal manner)

Listing everyone else and not her is a huge slap in the face. Regardless of who's at fault, you're the one who's going to look bad if you do this.

Take the high road and don't advertise your issues with your mom via wedding invites. And save yourself the drama in the meanwhile. Good luck

squirrly · December 2009

First - stop worrying about your wedding invites and go talk to your mother. Figure out what is going on and whether it's a situation you can resolve. After that you can decide how to word invitations.

ootmother2 · December 2009

This isn't the hill you want to die on.

You can use all the parent's names or none. Personallly, I dislike "together with their families" but it may be the best choice in this situation.

I can't even say why I dislike it other than the fact that I've never seen it used. That could be local or social circle customs for all I know.

Good luck!

sucrets4 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-text?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:26cc0df9-2d4f-440f-b756-02b00c56751dPost:b22b5e72-6f9e-47c7-a045-887a78214352">Re: Invitation text</a>:
[QUOTE]This is why we used Together with their families, Tracey Smith and Bryan Jones request the honor of your presence .... blah blah blah But I might talk to your dad first to see if he specifically wants his name on there. Hopefully he won't care.
Posted by tlv204[/QUOTE]

Okay, I chuckled because you randomly picked my H's name! Although he is one of many, lol.

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