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Wedding Etiquette Forum
NWR: Can I tell her off?
My FSIL is the worst. You may remember from my other posts, she's the one who wants to try and steal my thunder by making idle threats about going into labour on my wedding day. (Yes, she actually does this and she's 30 years old.) She's also the girl I stupidly made a bridesmaid.
My fiance's family doesn't like her either. She's the most selfish, arrogant and immature person. She will only call / message if she wants something.
She is late for EVERYTHING (including weddings) and never responds to me if I send her a message about bridesmaid dresses, family gatherings etc.
Anyway, 2 weeks ago I sent her a message about fiance's 30th birthday party I am throwing this weekend. I asked everyone to reply to me by last Saturday to get info on food or alcohol. True to form, everyone has replied except her.
I am so sick of having to follow up with her all of the time. It's like she loves to make people work by having to track her down.
I just want to tell her that she absolutely sucks at responding, she's extremely rude and selfish. She's the main source of stress in my life and i don't know why I let her bother me so much.
UGH thanks for letting me vent.
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Re: NWR: Can I tell her off?
Wedding stuff.
If she does show up, just say how surprised, but happy, you are that she's there, since she didn't tell you she was coming. Any more will make you sound passive aggressive. You all know she's a bitch- it's up to you to be the bigger person.
[QUOTE]Write and say I'll take the fact that you didn't respond as a no you're not coming. Thanks.
Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]
This. And I wouldn't keep "folliowing up." She'll get the hint when she no longer gets the extra attention she craves by not being polite enough to respond to an invite.
[QUOTE]Thanks for the replies. So you don't think I should even draw her attention to her selfishness? Maybe not tell her off per say, but write something along the lines of: "I'm not sure if you're even conscious of it, but you rarely respond to anything. It makes me feel like you are completely uninterested and aloof. If you don't want to come to fiance's party, that's fine, I will not be offended, but it's frustrating when you never respond to anything."
Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]
HELL NO. You give this woman way too much power in your life.
[QUOTE]Thanks for the replies. So you don't think I should even draw her attention to her selfishness? Maybe not tell her off per say, but write something along the lines of: "I'm not sure if you're even conscious of it, but you rarely respond to anything. It makes me feel like you are completely uninterested and aloof. If you don't want to come to fiance's party, that's fine, I will not be offended, but it's frustrating when you never respond to anything."
Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]
Absolutely not. Just treat her like any other guest. You told them to respond by a certain date and she didn't, so assume she's not coming. If she shows up be surprised and leave it at that. I have a feeling she'll be miffed that she didn't get the attention she was seeking and that should be enough for you.
Also I don't know why you would care if she's threatening to go into labor on your wedding. That's such a ridiculous and useless "threat" that she can't really follow through on that I couldn't take anyone seriously if they genuinely thought they would do that. Oh, and don't track her down: if it's something that need a very accurate count for, tell her if she doesn't respond by X you will assukme she';s not coming. If, however, she'll be one of like 50 guests where one extra doesn't make a difference then don't let it bother you if she comes or not. If she does come, great ! she's supporting your FI. if she doesn't, great! you don't have to deal with someone you obviously don't like.
Maybe try pulling her aside and calming saying, "When you don't respond to the messages I send you it makes your brother and I feel ________. Is there a better way to reach you/ get in contact with you? If your too busy I understand but then maybe being in the wedding is a burden and we should reconsider to make your life easier"
I just think this allows you to acknowledge the problem, offer a solution and barring that brings up the idea of there being consequences to this kind of behavior.
"Too bad you won't be able to join us for your brother's birthday! I hope you have a great Thanksgiving and we'll chat about bridesmaid dresses soon."
[QUOTE]"Too bad you won't be able to join us for your brother's birthday! I hope you have a great Thanksgiving and we'll chat about bridesmaid dresses soon."
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
I've used similar replies before. It works.
planning
I understand. I have a BIL who is difficult every time he opens his mouth. But seeking out a confrontation won't change him. It won't change your FSIL either. Save your energy.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
You are letting her have control over you. She knows what she is doing, not only to you,but to everyone else she does this too.
Ref jgnevins post, on the future and her possibly not ordering her dress, oh well. I just went through this with my fsil and she played game after game with everyone including her parents. No one fell for it, she got her dress ordered and has finally started acting a little more mature. My fsil is 31 yrs old, and just got married for the 2nd time. She has always been the drama queen in her family. But it is finally cooling off.