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Stressed beyond belief

sder0320sder0320 member
5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
in May 2014 Weddings
I'm new here, but I just need some moral support. I'm having a horrible time.

Everything is wrong..MOH issues, Bridesmaid issues, groomsmen issues, everything out the wazoo.

And the worst of everything: fianc issues. He says, because I said I wanted it to be the wedding we'd always dreamed, care about details, and spend hours on Pinterest that I only care about the wedding and not the marriage. That couldn't be more untrue. I even took a course on successful marriages. He refused to take part in any part of the reception except just eating, socializing, and cake cutting. Because I know it won't be my dream reception I can't have fun dancing without him/no first dance, I suggested that we just cancel the reception altogether. Which honestly I think will make me happier than not having a first dance with him if we did have a reception. And then he says no, because that's not my dream wedding and he knows I won't love it.

I don't care about my dream wedding. I just want to marry him. I don't even care anymore. Place me in a barn.

It's to the point where he's not even speaking to me because he says he wants to have a good day. This could last days...

I've known Bridezillas and have made a VERY conscious effort to stay away from that and I've also tried stepping into his shoes and see what he's seeing. I just don't see how he can say that all I care about is the wedding and not the marriage. I told him it hurts that he thinks so lowly of me. I told him I don't understand why he'd marry a girl like that. Honestly I don't him to waste his life with a woman he thinks lowly of. I want to feel
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Re: Stressed beyond belief

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    msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2014-weddings_stressed-beyond-belief?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:19d54fbd-7c52-420d-abe6-dce14dfc8da4Discussion:1a6b3645-9435-4910-8322-acd198877971Post:3d94e9fc-2ad5-4778-8f26-8cd4ee6b8d80">Stressed beyond belief</a>:
    [QUOTE]Everything is wrong..MOH issues, Bridesmaid issues, groomsmen issues, everything out the wazoo. Posted by sder0320[/QUOTE]

    If you are planning a 2014 wedding, then maybe you should just let it all go for a while. You can plan a wedding in a few months. You normally don't pick your wedding party until 6-7 months before the wedding because it's just not necessary so there really shouldn't be bm/gm issues. Wedding parties are gifts, not requirements, and part of life is accepting that you don't get to throw one yourself and that means not everyone gets them. It's really ok. You will still be married after you get married. I think if you are this stressed and upset, then you need to just relax. Step back for a few months. Maybe some time this fall you can ask your FI what he wants for his wedding. What is important to him. Then you can compromise on what your day will be. First, pick your budget and figure out what's important and what isn't. You probably won't get everything you want, but that's life. I know it seems bad now, but you'll feel better later. A break would do you both good.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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    kacienightshadekacienightshade member
    First Comment
    I agree with taking a break from it, just not do any for a month, and then once you're all calmed down and relaxed sit down togather with your budget, and a checklist of want needs to be done, if it helps and decide together on things. I was the same as your FI I didn't want the reception and all that, but after teh break I decided to have it, but together we've decided not to have the dancing poart as neither of us are any good at dancing or like being the center of attention. 
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    vlmclainvlmclain member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    There is a lot of stuff to do, but  you still have plenty of time.  You have to just make a timeline and check one thing off at a time. The important thing is to book the vendors who only book one wedding per day first and of course the venues (especially if they are popular).

    Most men never understand women's "obsession" with weddings. I have heard several guys say they think it's all about the wedding, not the marriage. It might seem that way to them when the women talk about weddings 24/7, but after the wedding is all over they will be glad for all the planning.

    Another thing you could do to help with some stress is to get a Day Of Wedding Coordinator.  In our area they are about $1000, but if you use vendors from their list, you get a 10-20 % discount on each one. I think the discounts will more than cover the fee for our planner.

    We took a break after we had the venues and photographer booked for awhile.  We are trying to just book one new vendor each month, which will also help us save money for downpayments.

    Good luck!
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