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Jack and Jill...Co-ed party

Stinage101Stinage101
First Comment
in Pre-wedding Parties
Whatever it may be called in your area. It is a joint party for the bride and groom..It is in lieu of a bridal shower. At least this one will be...

How long do they normally last? My MOH mentioned 8 hours, to me that seems far to long for a party

It is at a function hall, there will be a BBQ, music, raffles, alcohol.
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Re: Jack and Jill...Co-ed party

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    AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto Stage.

    And 8 hours is kinda ridiculous for a wedding fundraising/gimme money party.

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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've heard of co-ed showers, where both the B&G are there to received gifts and open them and what not. Usually they're a little more laid back or casual than a "typical" bridal shower.

    But what you plan on doing doesn't sound like that; it sounds like you're trying to raise money for your wedding, which is just tacky. As a fellow bride, if I'm trying to pay for my own wedding especially, I am not going to come to your party to give you money for yours. Just plan the wedding you can afford on your own.


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    covejackcovejack
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If this is a fundraiser, then 5 minutes is too long.  Are you charging "admission" to your guests?
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    Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You sound so disengaged.  Don't you know what kind of party it is?  Are they raising money for your wedding and you were unaware?  Are they raising money for their bridesmaids dresses?

    If you have raffles and charge to get in and for drinks/food...then it isn't a shower, it is a fundraiser.  At a shower, people come to wish you well in your married life, and give you gifts to start your lives together. 

    I'm just confused that it is for you and you don't seem to understand what they are doing?

    And finally...there are not a lot of parties I can imagine being involved in for 8 hours.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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    Stinage101Stinage101
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    First of all.. I am not planning the Jack and Jill. I was only told my bridal party WANTED to throw the party, and I took it upon myself to come on to a board where I normally receive helpful advice from pleasant people.  I don't know where all of you are from, but where I am from, and I am sure else where in this country these types of parties are common. I don't see the difference between having a bridal shower and expecting gifts from people. How that is OK for people to do, but a party, where they pay a small price that goes towards the party, prizes, food and a good time instead of an actual wrapped gift is not.  A Jack and Jill replaces a bachelor party, a bachelorette party and a bridal shower.
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    tlopes07tlopes07 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I've been to Jack & Jills in the past. However we weren't charged a fee to attend and there were no raffles.  A jack & jill is a traditional old school pre-wedding party, though not common anymore, but still around.  If you are choosing to do so, I wouldn't charge a fee, nor have raffles.  If this type of party is common in your area (as is in mine) people are under the assumption that they will be giving you cash as a gift in lieu of a registered gift.


    Good Luck
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The issue is that you shouldn't hold a party where a guest has to pay for his/her admission.

    Yes, you can say, "They'd be spending $40 on me either way so what's the difference?" but it's all in HOW you do it. 

    Here's the difference:
    1) With a traditional shower, a guest is not charged for admission.
    2) With a traditional shower, the hostess provides anything the guests consume at her cost.
    3) With a traditional shower, a guest could show up emptyhanded and while that's inappropriate on the guest's part, the guest would not be turned away.
    4) With a traditional shower, the guest can spend as much or as little on a gift as she desires.  She can buy a $20 set of towels, a $40 blender, a $200 food processor or a $5 gift.    She gets to do what she wants with her money and isn't told HOW she must spend it in order to attend.

    Remember, plenty of things may be tradition but that does not mean that they are appropriate.
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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_jack-jillco-ed-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a9f8cda2-890a-43ea-bc2b-e20db3c56070Post:e24d46bc-749e-402a-8856-a33d8b8b5450">Re: Jack and Jill...Co-ed party</a>:
    [QUOTE]The issue is that you shouldn't hold a party where a guest has to pay for his/her admission. Yes, you can say, "They'd be spending $40 on me either way so what's the difference?" but it's all in HOW you do it.  Here's the difference: 1) With a traditional shower, a guest is not charged for admission. 2) With a traditional shower, the hostess provides anything the guests consume at her cost. 3) With a traditional shower, a guest could show up emptyhanded and while that's inappropriate on the guest's part, the guest would not be turned away. 4) With a traditional shower, the guest can spend as much or as little on a gift as she desires.  She can buy a $20 set of towels, a $40 blender, a $200 food processor or a $5 gift.    She gets to do what she wants with her money and isn't told HOW she must spend it in order to attend. Remember, plenty of things may be tradition but that does not mean that they are appropriate.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    All of this exactly. And FWIW, I would never go to a party for someone where I was charged admission. This isn't a concert or movie or something. If I could hang out with you for free any other day of the year, I'm not going to pay to fund YOUR party in YOUR honor and hang out with you, no matter how much I like you.


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    tlbattagliatlbattaglia member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_jack-jillco-ed-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a9f8cda2-890a-43ea-bc2b-e20db3c56070Post:8063bdfd-2779-4f76-be5d-e876d7f6b442">Re: Jack and Jill...Co-ed party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ditto Stage. And 8 hours is kinda ridiculous for a wedding fundraising/gimme money party.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    Totally agree
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    jcall375jcall375 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hi Stinage,

    I'm not here to give you an etiquette lesson. I was just going to answer your question if that is ok? I think 8 hours is kind of long for any party.  Maybe think some where between 4-6 hours instead. That should be plent of time for people to eat, drink, dance and have a good time. I'm sure everyone that decides to go to your party is going to have a great time...and if they thought you were rude, well, then they wouldn't go. Good luck planning and congrats on your up coming wedding!
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_jack-jillco-ed-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:a9f8cda2-890a-43ea-bc2b-e20db3c56070Post:fc51ff1f-3b1f-42ac-ac12-fd161233e0ce">Re: Jack and Jill...Co-ed party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi Stinage, I'm not here to give you an etiquette lesson. I was just going to answer your question if that is ok? I think 8 hours is kind of long for any party.  Maybe think some where between 4-6 hours instead. That should be plent of time for people to eat, drink, dance and have a good time. <strong>I'm sure everyone that decides to go to your party is going to have a great time...and if they thought you were rude, well, then they wouldn't go</strong>. Good luck planning and congrats on your up coming wedding!
    Posted by jcall375[/QUOTE]

    This isn't necessarily true.  I might groan and roll my eyes at something that friends or family do but I'll go along with it because they're friends or family.   It takes a lot go make me go from complaining just to my husband to outright boycotting.
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    jcall375jcall375 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_jack-jillco-ed-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a9f8cda2-890a-43ea-bc2b-e20db3c56070Post:9bbc07e5-69ee-4dc2-98cd-354234a2384b">Re: Jack and Jill...Co-ed party</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Jack and Jill...Co-ed party : This isn't necessarily true. <strong> I might groan and roll my eyes at something that friends or family do but I'll go along with it because they're friends or family.   It takes a lot go make me go from complaining just to my husband to outright boycotting.</strong>
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    If you feel so strongly that it is rude, then why would you attend? If I completley disagreed with something that even a friend or family member was doing, I would find a way to tell them. A friend of mine had a bachelorette party and they were going to have a male stripper, and I'm not into things like that, so I told her that I would go out for drinks but would skip on the stripper portion of the evening. 
    I just find it odd how some people have such strong opinions on Jack and Jills but when it comes down to it, will attend one, I understand with a certain amount of complaining...but still attending. Its kind of contradictory.
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Jcall, if DH and I are the only ones who dislike what friends are doing and the event is something that a lot of our friends will be attending, we'll probably still go because it isn't worth it to get on a soap box about it.

    Ditto if family members were doing something like that.  Unless I truly had huge moral opposition to what they were doing, I'd probably complain but go along with it.  I really dislike a lot of things that are improper etiquette but I'm not going to take a stand against them.

    It all depends on what the issue is that will prevent me from going.  If I had a huge issue with male strippers then I wouldn't attend the bachelorette either.  
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    mishellersmishellers
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    This is very common on the East coast. It is a great time and the couple make a lot of money for the wedding and honeymoon etc...  I think this is a good idea do don't let others get you down about it. It is common. But 8 hours does seem long, I think 4-5 hours would be better. Have fun!
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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_jack-jillco-ed-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:a9f8cda2-890a-43ea-bc2b-e20db3c56070Post:73118529-7cfe-4664-966b-605c8bf43698">Re: Jack and Jill...Co-ed party</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is very common on the East coast. It is a great time and the couple make a lot of money for the wedding and honeymoon etc...  I think this is a good idea do don't let others get you down about it. It is common. But 8 hours does seem long, I think 4-5 hours would be better. Have fun!
    Posted by mishellers[/QUOTE]

    I'm from the East Coast and I know they exist but I'm still not a fan.
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    crewriam816crewriam816
    First Comment

    Jack and Jills are more popular in the New England area. I've rarely seen them else where and normally only done by those planning their own wedding, and usually those planning a small one where they can't invite everyone.

    As am I, hosting one. I have about 30 people coming. It's not tacky... it's just common here. Almost everyone that gets married in our small town has one. So we're all really just paying each other.

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    mzak23mzak23
    First Comment
    I was actually debating on doing a Jack and Jill party for my wedding. I know alot of couples who have done this in this area. Most people use it in place of the bridal shower, bachelor party and bachelorette party. I was in a wedding last year and the bride chose to do this: have tickets, raffle stuff off, had a dj, bbq, drinks, etc. She did not have a shower or a bachelor or bachelorette party. The maid of honor and best man paid mostly for the party as their gift and for not having the seperate parties.
    One reason I debated on this, as did she, is I have been on my own for awhile and living with my fiance for some time. Quite frankly, even with a registry i have most items i would need or want from guests.
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