Yikes This is going to be a disaster(vent)

Re: Yikes This is going to be a disaster(vent)

• brilibby4 member

  

  May 2012

  Honestly, I would have asked to know the details before committing to the wedding.  Once I heard all of the details you just mentioned, I would have said I wasn't comfortable helping out unless XY and Z were changed.  Do you have a signed contract?  Are you getting paid for this?  Maybe you can go to the reception site ahead of time and to ensure all the electricity is in working order if you really think that could be an issue?

  
  

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• AdeleDazeem member

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  I think your biggest concen should be the food.  The groom's plan sounds like a recipe for food poisoning.  Who cares about decorations or upgraded chair covers?  Care about getting the food cooked completely, safely, and having it remain at the appropriate temperature for the dinner.
  
  The bride will relinquish control when you paint her a picture of 80 guests puking their guts up all over her "perfect" wedding.  And if she doesn't, ignore her.
  
  EDIT: Why are guests confused on how to get the reception?  How are they getting to the ceremony?  While I guess it's nice for the hosts to offer a shuttle, I've never thought they were mandatory and I rarely use.  I'm perfectly happy to drive myself where I need to go and be responsible about ensuring I can safely drive home.

  
  

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• [Deleted User]

  

  May 2012

  I agree with joy. The food plan needs to seriously be reconsidered. We did the majority of the cooking (well, the family did) and almost everything was fully prepared the night before or even two days in advance. With the craziness of the wedding day and night before, there was no way to get it all done (and that was for a smaller wedding of around 110) and hope that the crockpots finished it for us.
  
  I kinow he's your friend, but he's an idiot for not taking up the aunt on the free catering. It doesn't look tacky to have "too many" people working the wedding. But it does look stupid when you have one person who can't do everything and food that's not properly cooked.

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• Stackeye210 member

  

  May 2012

  I would come prepared for the disasters you forsee happening.  That's what a good planner would do, let the bride fall on her face b/c she can't give up control but be there immediately to fix the issue so the day isn't ruined. 
  
  First, come prepared with a bunch of food warming supplies that do not require electricty.  So have the oil candle warmer things and trays so that you can switch the majority of the food to them.  This will also help the flow of the buffet line b/c people won't have to manage crock pot lids, while juggling food and a plate and spoons and blahblahblah.  If you don't use these items they can certainly be used for other wedding planning events in the future that you'll do. 
  
  I'm not really sure what else to tell you to do besides that, the food should definitely be your priority.  Dinner will set the entire wedding vibe. 

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• radleyboo member

  

  May 2012

  The PP's have covered my concerns about the logistics of this wedding, but I'm also pretty concerned about how your friendship will fare after this if things don't go well.  I would take the bride and groom out for coffee, sit them down, and come to them from a place of love, caring, concern, and experience.  Tell them honestly, but kindly, that in your professional opinion what they have lined up is a recipe for disaster for all of the reasons you pointed out and what the PPs mentioned too.  Have a simple plan drawn up to cover the most glaring necessities with the emphasis on, "I want your day to be as amazing as you've always dreamed.  Let me handle the details so you can focus on each other."  Perhaps that will work?  If it doesn't, at least you tried your best, and if/when things fall apart, hopefully your friendship will survive.  Good luck, I wouldn't touch this situation with a ten meter cattle prod. 

  
  

  Meddied since 6/15/13!

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• devilishangel61401

  

  May 2012 edited May 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_yikes-this-is-going-to-be-a-disastervent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b380b7b6-71b0-4f3f-95a1-d65496d88582Post:2b3bef5b-e94f-456d-bf39-1dcecd4f9995">Re: Yikes This is going to be a disaster(vent)</a>:
  [QUOTE]The PP's have covered my concerns about the logistics of this wedding, but I'm also pretty concerned about how your friendship will fare after this if things don't go well.  I would take the bride and groom out for coffee, sit them down, and come to them from a place of love, caring, concern, and experience.  Tell them honestly, but kindly, that in your professional opinion what they have lined up is a recipe for disaster for all of the reasons you pointed out and what the PPs mentioned too.  Have a simple plan drawn up to cover the most glaring necessities with the emphasis on, "I want your day to be as amazing as you've always dreamed.  Let me handle the details so you can focus on each other."  Perhaps that will work?  If it doesn't, at least you tried your best, and if/when things fall apart, hopefully your friendship will survive.  Good luck, I wouldn't touch this situation with a ten meter cattle prod. 
  Posted by radleyboo[/QUOTE]
  
  I agree with what's been said already. I do the same thing for freinds, I love to plan parties and weddings so I get recruited and do it for free. For me normally its just calling around getting prices telling the couple what the rundown on costs and such are for various things them deciding and then calling to book things themselves. I do a lot of setting up the space the day of and organizing ppl to clean up afterwords. 
  
  I'd sit the couple down and talk to them about this it was so nice of your aunt to offer to do the food for free for them they really should take her up on it. I love diy projects but I dont think I'd want to be working on my wedding day..

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• futuremrsbruno member

  

  May 2012

  I think at this point, being nice and sweet about things is a little late. You need to be very honest with them and give them your "professional" opinion. Tell the Bride she needs to make some changes, then tell her how to change them. Be honest, but blunt with her. She's not going to want things to go badly on her day, and regardless of whether or not she listens to you, she's going to blame you. Paint the scenario for her than do whatever is necessary to make sure that food is done properly!!

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• Stormz

  

  May 2012

  **UPDATE**
  
  Well I talked to the bride last nite and addressed my concerns. There are 30 plus roasters they are planning on using. There is no way the hall can manage, there are only several plugs and do not think it is a wise idea to use strips to plug in multi crockpots since the DJ will be using the same breaker. It is just impossible.
  
  I told her my concerns, and she threw her hands up and said she did not care that it was all up to her FI. Her FI took his daughter who does not live with them to her softball game tonite, plans on doubling out tommorow at work, and cooking the food Friday when he gets home. I have not been able to get a hold of him.
  
  I do not want my reputation ruined over this. I told her about my concerns, food poisoning, people leaving over terrible food and a long day, food not being cooked enough, etc and she said she did not care. If it was not handled she would blame her FI. She is angry he is not helping plan the wedding to her standards. Mad he went to his daughters softball game instead of helping with the wedding. Etc.  
  
  It is just going to be a recipe for disaster. I do not think my friendship or reputation will be tarnished too terribly much from this disaster but more of my pride because I was not able to prevent the situation.
  
  But the plan I have in place is my Aunt is lending me all her hot boxes, chaffers, etc so that we can switch everything out before the bride and groom get there. My BF and a mutual friend of ours are both line cooks and do weddings on a regular basis. We think we can salvage the food while they are getting ready because they are planning on leaving the house at 6am and we have until 2pm to get everything in order. Our only problem is transportation of the food. I drive a Ford Fiesta and my Tahoe is in the shop. But I think I may just rent a van for the day to save myself some hassles. I have some stuff to do at my house as well on Sunday so it will not be a total waste for me.
  
  As far as transportation for the guests, most of them are out of town and were lead to believe there would be a means of transportation from the reception to the hotel where everyone is staying. Most of the guests are from out of town. We worked out a car pool system with the family. And if I do decide to get the van, I will be DDing because I do not drink. So that problem is solved.
  
  Anything else I am missing? I am so stressed about this whole situation. I was given a week to fix the wedding from hell and I have never dealt with something so disorganzed in my life.
  
  And no my BF, our friend, and I are not getting paid. We are doing it as a favor to the brides FI because he DJ'ed a wedding for us that the DJ did not show up for for nothing. The one friend she had setting everything up by herself IS getting paid. It is whatever. I just want to survive this weekend. Such a poor judgement call on my part.

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