Monetary Bridal Shower

kerrij4 · March 2010

I know that some may disagree with this and think its inapproporiate to have specific requests on an invitation for fear of offending guests.

My fiancee and I have lived together for 4 years and are now getting married, we have everything we need for our apartment and along with paying for our wedding we are also saving for a house.

I have decided to have a monetary bridal shower, with a valentine's day theme as Im having my shower next year in Feb. I was wondering if anyone has any fun quotes to right on my invitations for the bridal shower regarding the monetary gifts, something that doesnt come across rude or forceful but that gets the point across in a nice way.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

lisarose7 · March 2010

There's no nice way to say "give me money." Also, why are YOU concerned with invitation wording for your shower? You're not supposed to throw your own shower. Ever.

amagwire · March 2010

Agree with above. I can't give any advice, because there's no polite way to ask for money.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

This is not a matter of disagreeing. It is flat out wrong to throw you own shower and it is flat out wrong to have a cash shower. It's not a matter of opinion. It's simply disgusting.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_monetary-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f85807ec-c965-46f9-9202-f469bed49b41Post:b568918a-2478-4528-8903-4fb92cced692">Monetary Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]I know that some may disagree with this and think its inapproporiate to have specific requests on an invitation for fear of offending guests. My fiancee and I have lived together for 4 years and are now getting married, we have everything we need for our apartment and along with paying for our wedding we are also saving for a house. I have decided to have a monetary bridal shower, with a valentine's day theme as Im having my shower next year in Feb. I was wondering if anyone has any fun quotes to right on my invitations for the bridal shower regarding the monetary gifts, something that doesnt come across rude or forceful but that gets the point across in a nice way. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Posted by kerrij4[/QUOTE]

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aerinpegadrak · March 2010

The point of attending a shower is to watch the bride open gifts. There's nothing to open if everyone is giving money, so if the bride is choosing not to register or trying to encourage cash gifts, she forgoes the shower.

And the bride is supposed to have nothing whatsoever to do with planning her own shower. You simply don't throw a party for yourself which has no purpose other than for people to give you gifts.

lalap69 · March 2010

There is no nice way to do this. A cute "poem" does not make asking for money any less rude. If you truly don't need anything, then you should decline the shower, since that is the whole point of the shower. Though really, you don't need upgrades of anything?

[QUOTE]I have decided to have a monetary bridal shower, with a valentine's day theme as Im having my shower next year in Feb.[/QUOTE]
How did you decide this? You should not be throwing your own shower as that is also very rude.

trix1223 · March 2010

ditto the pps. There are two things glaringly wrong with your post:

#1) the words monetary and shower should not be used together. Ever.

#2) You should not be, under any circumstances planning your own shower. If no one offers to throw one, (and they might not since you've made it clear that you don't need one) you don't have a shower. It's really that simple.

ocgirl310 · March 2010

For a "money" themed bridal shower, the only thing that would make this fun is if you rented a pole and work for it:) Other than that I wouldn't attend.

sucrets4 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_monetary-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f85807ec-c965-46f9-9202-f469bed49b41Post:a9df07bd-cee7-43ad-87b8-27d05861bb75">Re: Monetary Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]ok, ok. I concede. It may be rude in the US. But in Spain it is not and I guess I have just been here too long and hav changed mindsets. I do still think it varies from person to person. But you all are obviously very set in your ways and opinions so I'll let you be that way. For your weddings do it your way, but a lot of people do things differently now and it's not any more or less rude than the way you did it. It's just different. Good luck miss monetary bridal shower! do it your way!
Posted by splashmadison[/QUOTE]

FFS, then give your advice over on the Spain board and stop giving shitty advice to Americans.

polichik · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_monetary-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f85807ec-c965-46f9-9202-f469bed49b41Post:a9df07bd-cee7-43ad-87b8-27d05861bb75">Re: Monetary Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]ok, ok. I concede. It may be rude in the US. <strong>But in Spain it is not and I guess I have just been here too long and hav changed mindsets.</strong> I do still think it varies from person to person. But you all are obviously very set in your ways and opinions so I'll let you be that way. For your weddings do it your way, but a lot of people do things differently now and it's not any more or less rude than the way you did it. It's just different. Good luck miss monetary bridal shower! do it your way!
Posted by splashmadison[/QUOTE]

FFS. You're an American living in Spain. Do you have any idea how idioitic and pretentious you sound right now?

I've also lived in Spain, but I would never pretend to me a member of their warm, welcoming culture as a poor excuse for being a selfish, inconsiderate person.

lisarose7 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_monetary-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f85807ec-c965-46f9-9202-f469bed49b41Post:2d20e882-7396-46e0-bd18-63219775153a">Re: Monetary Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]For a "money" themed bridal shower, the only thing that would make this fun is if you rented a pole and work for it:) Other than that I wouldn't attend.
Posted by ocgirl310[/QUOTE]

I love the idea of a pole-dancing bridal shower. Only if it's co-ed though. Men tend to tip half-naked women better than women do.

salt78 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_monetary-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f85807ec-c965-46f9-9202-f469bed49b41Post:a9df07bd-cee7-43ad-87b8-27d05861bb75">Re: Monetary Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]But in Spain it is not and I guess I have just been here too long and hav changed mindsets.
Posted by splashmadison[/QUOTE]

<div>Do you have friends? I bet you don't even have any friends. Poor girl. </div>

lisarose7 · March 2010

::gasp:: Salt, you meanie-mo! I'm shocked! ::clutches pearls::

sarcasm, obviously...I love your feedback.

amagwire · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_monetary-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:f85807ec-c965-46f9-9202-f469bed49b41Post:ed85c2a8-5eaa-47db-9a0b-68d15cf68089">Re: Monetary Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not being a selfish pig. Perhaps you shouldn't throw your own party, but asking for money instead of gifts is not rude. It just makes sense in many cases. <strong>And it's not your wedding or your shower...I'm sure the people she knows are more understanding than most people on this board.</strong>
Posted by splashmadison[/QUOTE]

<div>Disregarding etiquette is unforgivable for some people. That's what these boards are for - to express opinions and illustrate proper etiquette to brides. So, you ask for a monetary shower and no one says boo? Because you're the damn bride, and no one wants to call you out on your unbelievably rude behavior! This certainly does not mean that your friends and family don't think you're a complete and utter dumb ass.</div>

WhatawagSBNy · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_monetary-bridal-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:f85807ec-c965-46f9-9202-f469bed49b41Post:b568918a-2478-4528-8903-4fb92cced692">Monetary Bridal Shower</a>:
[QUOTE]

<font color="#0000ff">I know that some may disagree with this and think its inapproporiate to have specific requests on an invitation for fear of offending guests. ...

I have decided to have a monetary bridal shower, with a valentine's day theme as Im having my shower next year in Feb.

I was wondering if anyone has any fun quotes to right on my invitations for the bridal shower regarding the monetary gifts, something that doesnt come across rude or forceful but that gets the point across in a nice way. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks</font>
Posted by kerrij4[/QUOTE]

    You are right, it is offensive to make specific requests for gifts.

     No bride should be planning her own or partner's shower, for any reason.   In general, no one should ever throw a party to receive gifts for themselves, whether a birthday, anniversary, or other occasion. The fact that it is a wedding does not change this.   People view someone who does as extremely rude and greedy.

<font color="#333399"><strong>   Dear friends and family, please ignore the fact that this shows the rude and greedy person who hides behind this pretty smile, and gimme money.

   I have no use for anything chosen with your poor taste, just gimme gimme gimme MONEY.</strong></font>

That ought to do it.

      If you want to throw a pre-wedding party, and do not need gifts chosen by the giver, it is perfectly polite to have a lunch, tea, dinner, or evening party, clambake, or BBQ, where <strong>you</strong> pay all of the expenses for everybody, call it a party not a shower, and make it absolutely clear that you do not want/will not accept any gifts or money toward expenses - that would offend you as a hostess.

       For a shower, if friends or family want to throw one, they determine the kind of shower, the location, refreshments, and the number who will be invited.

    All you do, as bride-to-be,    is provide a list of wedding guests and their contact info, so the shower hostesses can see who is invited to the wedding, and the hostesses   then decide who to invite.

     By now you have heard this more than once.

     I hope 50 people come to your shower, and every one brings you an etiquette book with an inscription written in magic marker (in case you think of returning them for cash. You can't.)

     If they do, they will be doing you a favor. You will have time to read and learn about proper behavior in polite society before your wedding.

   It would actually be a good thing for a friend to do.   What you learn about expected behavior in social situations and professional ones could make a big difference in how people perceive you for the rest of your life.

lisam1217 · March 2010

Wow, apparently this is a touchy subject! Back to the original poster. I have some thoughts on this. I do agree that you should not be asking for money as it is not proper and so forth as many people pointed out. There are some ways to kind of meet in the middle though. For one, do a registry but keep it smaller. If there is not a lot to chose from, some guests might just decide to give you money. Also, find someone else to throw you the shower. That way you can drop little hints to that person that you prefer money, without actually telling them, I only want money. Then, maybe the person throwing you the shower will pass it on to friends that what you need the most is money. Just realise that you will probably be getting some gifts as well because a shower really is about the gifts and some people wouldn't even think about just giving money.

To everyone against monetary showers: is this a good compromise? It's the only thing I can think of to maybe work around the etiquette.

WhatawagSBNy · March 2010

... I do agree that you should not be asking for money as it is not proper and so forth as many people pointed out. There are some ways to kind of meet in the middle though. For one, do a registry but keep it smaller. If there is not a lot to chose from, some guests might just decide to give you money. Also, find someone else to throw you the shower. That way you can drop little hints to that person that you prefer money, without actually telling them, I only want money. Then, maybe the person throwing you the shower will pass it on to friends that what you need the most is money.    ...To everyone against monetary showers: is this a good compromise? It's the only thing I can think of to maybe work around the etiquette.
Posted by lisam1217[/QUOTE]

    If she is to have a shower at all, it should be because someone else has volunteered to throw one.   Not been drafted by a bride with a hidden agenda.

    A person who does not want any physical gifts should decline any offer of a shower, since that is what a shower is for.

Amanda Carosi · April 2010

I have seen a shower invitation that read:
Monetary gifts appreciated.
It was an italian bridal shower.

Monetary Bridal Shower

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