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BF got laid off today :(

CT324CT324 member
100 Comments
in Not Engaged Yet
Today is not a happy Friday for me.  My BF just found out this morning that they no longer have a position for him at his school he currently works at.  They have been giving all of the aids the run around so he finally found out today that he won't have a job come september.  Luckily he has a potential job opportunity for September we are just waiting for him to get called in for an interview. 

I am just happy that we have money in our savings in case he is unemployed and the unemployment checks dont cover his half of our mortgage that we at least have the money to pay for our house every month!!

I just hate not knowing what September will bring he can either be unemployed or have a job double what his old salary was.  For now I am just trying to sit tight and be supportive for him because he is really bummed.  It looks like I will be working alot of OT this summer to build up our bank accounts!!  I am just thankful that I have a good job in this economy. 

Sorry to be a debbie downer on a friday I am just bummed.
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Re: BF got laid off today :(

  • leia1979leia1979 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear that. I hope he's able to find a new position soon.

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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry. Hopefully everything will all work out for the better in the end!
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  • sapphirebaby926sapphirebaby926
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear that - layoffs stink
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  • GametteGamette
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear about that.  Layoffs suck. 
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  • CT324CT324 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies it's going to be a long weekend!!  Whenever something bad happens he has a habit of taking it out on me. 
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-got-laid-off-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c1ba2123-2390-4784-9b3f-4c7d923d667fPost:7ade0c1b-7f08-4c6d-8844-73146124238d">Re: BF got laid off today :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks ladies it's going to be a long weekend!!  Whenever something bad happens he has a habit of taking it out on me. 
    Posted by CT324[/QUOTE]


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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Taking it out on you how? Physically? Incredibly mean like?

    Or do you mean, like he is just in a bad mood and really snippy, although he shouldn't have the bad attitude with you because it wasn't your fault?

    I hope it is the later and didn't express what you meant right.

    FI and I can get crabby and snappy with the other after a really bad/stressful day. It's not intentional, but just happens due to the overall bad mood.
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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to hear about the layoff , not a fun time.

    But I do have to wonder..take it out on you ? Even if it's just being in a bad mood..and I can definitely understand why this would affect you and him , still , it's not right. Bad things happen , such is life unfortunately and being all pissed off , angry , snippy to another person , especially one who loves you is not really a good sign.

    I'm not saying he is a terrible person and to run away , and we all have bad days but it is never an excuse to take it out on you or anyone else.
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-got-laid-off-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c1ba2123-2390-4784-9b3f-4c7d923d667fPost:7ade0c1b-7f08-4c6d-8844-73146124238d">Re: BF got laid off today :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks ladies it's going to be a long weekend!!  Whenever something bad happens he has a habit of taking it out on me. 
    Posted by CT324[/QUOTE]

    This is not even close to okay.
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  • CT324CT324 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-got-laid-off-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:c1ba2123-2390-4784-9b3f-4c7d923d667fPost:6a636b9d-b2de-466b-892b-29e0dd2295b3">Re: BF got laid off today :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]Taking it out on you how? Physically? Incredibly mean like? Or do you mean, like he is just in a bad mood and really snippy, although he shouldn't have the bad attitude with you because it wasn't your fault? I hope it is the later and didn't express what you meant right. FI and I can get crabby and snappy with the other after a really bad/stressful day. It's not intentional, but just happens due to the overall bad mood.
    Posted by loopy82[/QUOTE]

    Lol Oh My God no!!  He does not beat me.  When he is in a bad mood he is just grouchy with me too even though I didn't do anything wrong.  For example I bet when i go home tonight and ask what he wants to do for dinner he will just say I really dont care.  Then just be difficult. 

    I mean its a crappy situation but dont take it out on me.  Ya know.  I am in it with him its our house and bills.  I told him not to worry that we are fine even if he doesnt find a job but that does not ease his mind. 
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-got-laid-off-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c1ba2123-2390-4784-9b3f-4c7d923d667fPost:e4a9c3c3-0f71-4a25-9e94-ebed9b63aa9e">Re: BF got laid off today :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF got laid off today :( :  I mean its a crappy situation but dont take it out on me.  Ya know.  I am in it with him its our house and bills.  I told him not to worry that we are fine even if he doesnt find a job but that does not ease his mind. 
    Posted by CT324[/QUOTE]

    I seriously hope you say that too him.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-got-laid-off-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c1ba2123-2390-4784-9b3f-4c7d923d667fPost:e4a9c3c3-0f71-4a25-9e94-ebed9b63aa9e">Re: BF got laid off today :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF got laid off today :( : Lol Oh My God no!!  He does not beat me.  When he is in a bad mood he is just grouchy with me too even though I didn't do anything wrong.  For example I bet when i go home tonight and ask what he wants to do for dinner he will just say I really dont care.  Then just be difficult.  I mean its a crappy situation but dont take it out on me.  Ya know.  I am in it with him its our house and bills.  I told him not to worry that we are fine even if he doesnt find a job but that does not ease his mind. 
    Posted by CT324[/QUOTE]

    Sorry, still not okay.  Physical abuse is not the only kind. 

    He is an adult (right?).  He needs to deal with his problems like an adult.  That includes treating you with respect, not shutting down and sulking, and letting you help him work through this problem together.
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  • CT324CT324 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I feel like I gave everyone the wrong impression of him.  He just doesn't handle stress very well.  Once I get home and we talk about it he will be fine.  He just found out this morning so I think he is just scared of the possibility of not having a job for September.  I do also think he was planning on proposing this summer so I am sure that has him upset too.  I have stressed to him before as long as we have our house I will wait until we are financially ready to get married. 
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  • Button5807Button5807
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-got-laid-off-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c1ba2123-2390-4784-9b3f-4c7d923d667fPost:813d7838-83ba-4270-a3c1-3da4cc2c25d6">Re: BF got laid off today :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]I feel like I gave everyone the wrong impression of him.  He just doesn't handle stress very well.  Once I get home and we talk about it he will be fine.  He just found out this morning so I think he is just scared of the possibility of not having a job for September.  I do also think he was planning on proposing this summer so I am sure that has him upset too.  I have stressed to him before as long as we have our house I will wait until we are financially ready to get married. 
    Posted by CT324[/QUOTE]

    I don't mean to be a jerk but it sounds like you're making excuses for his behavior. You said that he "takes it out on you" in no way shape or form is that ever called for. He needs to find a healthier way to deal with his stress.
    image image image image 
    "but you're SO FUNNY, button! you're so funny i kind of want to crawl into your skin and wear it as my own. " - NarwhalYou, my dear, are the Queen of the Beebees. Here's a tiara - Oceana 
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-got-laid-off-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c1ba2123-2390-4784-9b3f-4c7d923d667fPost:e30820be-3abf-43c0-911e-460d475deedb">Re: BF got laid off today :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF got laid off today :( : I don't mean to be a jerk but it sounds like you're making excuses for his behavior. You said that he "takes it out on you" in no way shape or form is that ever called for. He needs to find a healthier way to deal with his stress.
    Posted by Button5807[/QUOTE]

    Exactly.  Maybe you did choose your words poorly.  But if not, you're only hurting yourself by making excuses.  You should think about why you said what you did.  Everyone is stressed at some point in their life, but it's never okay to "take it out" on anyone else.
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  • tafft1tafft1 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bf-got-laid-off-today?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:c1ba2123-2390-4784-9b3f-4c7d923d667fPost:7320242f-12f5-43ef-8815-596ac23d4e77">Re: BF got laid off today :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: BF got laid off today :( : Sorry, still not okay.  Physical abuse is not the only kind.  He is an adult (right?).  He needs to deal with his problems like an adult.  That includes treating you with respect, not shutting down and sulking, and letting you help him work through this problem together.
    Posted by Ana_2985[/QUOTE]


    What Ana said. We all have stress in our lives , and being in a relationship dosen't change or give free regin to take it out on each other , ever. Does it happen time to time ? Sure , we all give in occasionally to stress when we shouldn't but the fact that it seems to sound like a repeating pattern worries me. I don't think anyone is saying he is being abusive in any way , but the way he is handling things does sound a bit immature and selfish. Does he not think you care as well ? That pushing you away and being "difficult" is going to solve things ?

    Honestly sounds like there is alot more at stake and needs to be dealt with than just a new job.
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  • paintgirlpaintgirl member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    CT - I'm sorry to hear about your bf's job. I think you're also getting a hard time on the board. We ALL get stressed out and snip at an innocent person at some time. I was all stressed out on Thursday and snipped at my mom on the phone. She had nothing to do with why I was stressed. My bf had a rotten day at work yesterday and he was a total grouch-o last night. He just needed to pout. I think this is what you are talking about. Very few people are Susie Sunshine EVERY SINGLE MOMENT. Is it right to be grouchy with someone who didn't do anything wrong? No. Do we all do it at some point? Yes. That's why I called my mom yesterday and apologized for being grouchy with her.

    As for the finances, even if you can make it for awhile with your savings and with you working OT men can be very uncomfortable letting someone else pay the bills. (Some women would be the same way - I would go NUTS if bf didn't let me pay at least half the expenses.) Keep that in mind when you discuss money. He might be a little sensitive, even though in your mind it's all covered.

    Good luck! I hope he finds a job!
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Paint- I don't think I (or anyone else) was giving her a hard time.  There is a big difference between being stressed and in a bad mood once in awhile and having a habit of taking things out on her.

    Now, if OP says that she worded it poorly, fine.  That's her business. Only she knows that truth and that's between her and her BF.

    To say it's normal for your BF to take anything out on you is just wrong.  But I'm sure that's not what you're trying to say.
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  • Goldlie11Goldlie11
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm with paint on this.  OP, I'm sorry that your BF got laid off.  I wish him the best of luck at finding a new position.  
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  • dwest2201dwest2201
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I can see both sides of this...

    IF BF "takes it out on her" by just being pouty and grumpier than usual, fine.  We all do this at times... and we usually end up being snippy or pouty to the ones that are closest to us by default because you just can't relax and let your guard down with strangers or be a pouty grump at work!

    IF BF "TAKES it out ON HER" by being anything more than grumpy or pouty this is a red flag.  Yelling, screaming, name calling, throwing things are all forms of abuse and they tend to escalate over time... IF what is going on is any of these things you need to rethink your future with this man, IMO.  My exH was that guy... until the night he attacked me and went to jail.
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