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Just Engaged and Proposals

Ring advice for proposal..

Ok.. I have a small problem..
I have decided I do want to propose to my girl friend. I know what ring she wants but there is a small problem..
Her mother passed away when she was 10 and she was very close to her..
When I went to talk to her father and ask for his permission to marry her, he gave me her mothers engagement and wedding ring. She does not know about it.. She had a ring from her mothers and she thinks that ring is her mothers engagement ring but is not..
We were having a discussion one night about rings and she mentioned her mothers ring that she has.. I asked if she would be happy with that as her ring, the one she has and not the one her father gave me..just to get an idea and I know it is not pretty at all and I know the meaning is much more important than the looks..she is always hesitant and goes back to the new ring she found.. I really confused on how to proceed..I know it would mean a lot for her to have it specially that she does not know about it..
The ring her father gave me has the center diamond missing. He buried it with her mother.. It is also missing a few small diamonds and it was cut off the finger when she passed.. I would love to restore the ring for the meaning for which it provides..but I know deep down she would love the new ring as well..hmmm..
How would it be if I restored the ring her father gave me and buy her the new one as well.. I could find a really clever way to propose with both rings??
I don't know.... Any help with this? Has anyone had this happen or know anyone this has happen to?
I don't know if I posted in the correct forum but any help would be grateful!
Thanks

Re: Ring advice for proposal..

  • Why don't you propose with the new ring and have her mom's ring made into something else she could wear? Ask her dad if he's ok with it, since it was his wife's, but maybe it could be made into a locket or even a wedding band. That way she's be able to have both and not have to choose!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_ring-advice-for-proposal?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:ced5774f-8043-49a9-926a-6ac5d2bb363aPost:5737b2a8-a38c-4c00-9c30-0dcbfd014a03">Re: Ring advice for proposal..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Why don't you propose with the new ring and have her mom's ring made into something else she could wear? Ask her dad if he's ok with it, since it was his wife's, but maybe it could be made into a locket or even a wedding band. That way she's be able to have both and not have to choose!
    Posted by CarolinaPeach13[/QUOTE]

    I think something along these lines would be a good idea. It sounds like her mom's ring is in pretty bad shape with so many stones missing and having been cut. And it sounds like she really likes the new ring. You could also always propose without a ring, and then give her the option to go shopping and get the new one or try to restore the old one.
  • As someone who wears a heirloom ring in its natural state, I'd want to get it fixed up and back to the original as a memorial to her mother. I didn't really like the design of my grandma's ring at first, but I've really fallen in love with it and how unique it is. It means a lot more to me than another ring would, because when I see it, I think of my grandma and grandpa and the 50+ years of marriage they celebrated before grandpa died in 1998.

  • She is not the person who likes to make tuff decisions when it comes down to it.. Her dad did tell me to get the ring repaired if I wanted to buy I would never want to make the ring something new, but just to return it to its original state.. How would it be if I proposed with both and she could wear her mothers ring on her right ring finger??
  • It sounds like her mom's ring is in bad shape. Talk to her dad and see if he's ok with changing it into a necklace/restoring it. Maybe see if you did buy a new ring if you can return it if she decides that she ultimately wants her mom's old ring instead. Talk to a few jewelry stores and see what their return policy is.
  • I agree with Stage, propose with no ring. Then after let her know of the unknown ring from her mother and let her decide from there. Or have a frank discussion about the new ring that was given to you by her father before you propose and again let her decide the final ring. Plenty of ladies on here were able to pick their rings prior and I don't think knowing what ring they were getting took away from the experience at all.
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  • Not sure what the ring she picked out looks like or the type of metal it is made of. But would it be possible to melt her mother's ring and have it made into a similar setting as the one she likes. Maybe even use the remaining stones in the new setting. A friend of mine recently did this with her mother's engagment ring. I think it could be a win win for you. She gets the ring she choose and its made from the same metal as her mother's ring.
  • I think the proposal would be nice with the ring, and it sounds like what she is expecting since she already picked it out.
    You have a few options. 
    Have the mothers ring made to look like the one she wants. Or made into another piece of jewelry and get the new ring.
    Fix up mothers ring and use just that.
    Propose with both rings, she can choose which one she wants on the left finger and then also wear the other one. If you do use the mothers ring, get it fixed in some way first. 
    She'll probably love whatever decision you make. 
    If you want to use both rings I say pull out mothers ring first and talk about the significance, she may seem a little upset that you didn't use the one she picked out, don't be surprised. Then you can pull out the ring she picked out to even greater surprise. You may want to do this within the rings return policy time, just in case she decides mother's is enough. 
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