*Vent* FI invited FMIL dress shopping

Re: *Vent* FI invited FMIL dress shopping

• em01092 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_vent-fi-invited-fmil-dress-shopping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:511eb657-f75f-4e2e-b294-5fb3fff15ee6Post:353f35f0-b88d-4dd9-8648-a26316982d54">*Vent* FI invited FMIL dress shopping</a>:
  [QUOTE]I will start by saying I do like my FMIL, however we're not particularly close. Today, however, my FI invited her to go dress shopping with me, my mom, and my best friend. This also wouldn't be a problem if the bridal shop weren't 5 hours away! FMIL is SUPER talkative (she once talked to us for 30 minutes about her closet) and my friend and I had already decided that we are going to study/do schoolwork on the way there.<strong> I'm mostly upset because I had just explained this to FI but he insisted</strong> that his mother would want to be invited but probably wouldn't want to go (turns out he was wrong, she immediately said yes). Ugh, I am now dreading this dress shopping experience. 
  Posted by ArynBaker[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>You need to discuss this with your FI. He shouldn't ignore your wants/concerns. It was wrong for him to invite her when you already said you'd prefer her not go. He probably wants her to feel included (maybe she is/has mentioned things to him), but he should have stood up for you or not mentioned it. If you don't nip this now, prepare for it to continue. </div><div>
  </div><div>Now that she has been invited, I sort of think you just need to suck it up and let her come, because you will look sort of bad if you try and unask her, or if your FI tries to right his wrong. That might just make things worse. Maybe she will reconsider or something will come up. You could always change the day/time you go, and just "happen" to plan the new day when she is at work/school/etc. </div><div>
  </div><div>If it's 5 hours away, are you guys getting a motel room or anything? 10 hours driving is a lot to do in one day. I assume your mom is driving? That's a lot for one person and I feel like you should maybe take turns...</div>

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• ArynBaker

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  I would never dream of uninviting her so now that she's invited, she's coming. We're driving up on Sunday probably so we won't get a hotel room, we'll definitely take turns and will be making a pit stop at a store in Raleigh which will hopefully make the ride back seem a little shorter. There's still a chance we'll go on Saturday and FMIL works that day.

  
  

   I tried talking to FI and he said he wants her to be more involved in the planning because I talk to my mom about it all the time. I'm trying to explain to him that even though I've been talking to my mom a lot, we just made our first wedding purchase today and it never involved going to any vendors. FMIL will be more included in the future but hopefully not to anything that's farther than an hour or two away. 

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• zitiqueen member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_vent-fi-invited-fmil-dress-shopping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:511eb657-f75f-4e2e-b294-5fb3fff15ee6Post:89a326d0-23b4-4fb2-9319-5125a2bd3924">Re: *Vent* FI invited FMIL dress shopping</a>:
  [QUOTE]I would never dream of uninviting her so now that she's invited, she's coming. We're driving up on Sunday probably so we won't get a hotel room, we'll definitely take turns and will be making a pit stop at a store in Raleigh which will hopefully make the ride back seem a little shorter. There's still a chance we'll go on Saturday and FMIL works that day. <strong> I tried talking to FI and he said he wants her to be more involved in the planning because I talk to my mom about it all the time</strong>. I'm trying to explain to him that even though I've been talking to my mom a lot, we just made our first wedding purchase today and it never involved going to any vendors. FMIL will be more included in the future but hopefully not to anything that's farther than an hour or two away. 
  Posted by ArynBaker[/QUOTE]
  
  What's stopping your FI from calling his mother all the time and talking wedding with her?
  
  Does your FI often make these kinds of decisions without your input?

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• ArynBaker

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  He thinks that "wedding stuff is for the girls". When I ask him about wedding stuff, such as input on invitations, his typical answers are either "no" or "yea, sure". He told me right from the beginning that he wants minimal involvement, which was fine with me because I'm a major control freak and want as much control of it as possible. This is the first time he's done something like this and after talking about it some more we've found it was a misunderstanding. He thought that while I was not excited, I had agreed to it. We've decided the long car ride will be a good time to bring his mother up to date on the wedding plans. 

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• kamarks08 member

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Yes, use it to your advantage. I had some people dress shopping with me that I didn't care for coming along, but in the end we all had so much fun and I'm truly glad every person was there.
  
  I wish I could find more ways to include my FMIL and I realize it's frustrating, but imagine how out of the loop she may feel. It would be perfect timing to clue her in, as you said.
  
  Do not let it ruin your experience for picking out a dress. Mine was a 3.5 hour car ride, so I know how you feel... But it has potential to be one of the most fun planning details of the whole process and it'll only be disappointing if you let it.
  
  Have fun picking out your dress! I hope you make it a fun and memorable day!

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• kmmssg mod

  

  November 2011 edited December 2011

  Well, I was about to rip into how disrespectful FI was but seems like you guys worked it out and it was a miscommunication.  I hope your trip goes well.

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