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Wedding Woes

No one cares about my wedding--A sob story, but I really need to vent.

Ok, so I just got engaged a month ago, but it seems like no one really cares that I'm getting married. There were really only three people who seemed excited when I told them I was engaged and it makes me sad. I mean, I know everyone's happy for me, but this is supposed to be the biggest day of my life besides when my children are born and no one seems to care!

It doesn't help that almost everyone I know is engaged so I feel like I'm just not as important. I just wish people would be as excited as I am so I don't feel like a jerk everytime I bring it up.
So far my engagement has been the most anti-climactic and dissapointing time of my life.

I'm not asking for a lot, just someone to acknowledge that I'm getting married. I really want one of those cliche screaming moments where all I and someone else do is scream at the top of our lungs because we're so happy. I just want someone to care besides me.

Everytime I bring up something for the wedding, people give their opinions and participate somewhat grudgingly.While there's not much to do this soon, what has been done I've done by myself, and it's lonely.

It hasn't really fully hit me that I'm getting married yet, not even when I put on my wedding dress, and I'm wondering if it's because we never talk about it. It may just be me, but it almost feels taboo to talk about the wedding, so the only planning that gets done is late at night in my bedroom all by myself.

I know, poor me, but I have to say it feels good to pity myself for a moment instead of caring about what everyone else feels. So yay me.

Re: No one cares about my wedding--A sob story, but I really need to vent.

  • edited December 2011
    WHAT?!?!?!?!?! YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED?!?!?! OMGEEEEE?!?!? I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU! EEEEEEEK!?!?!?! SQUEEEE?!?!?! Let's go get our nails done while I hang on your every word as you tell me about the proposal!!!!!!!!

    Is that what you wanted? Happy now? No one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you are and if you think otherwise you are just setting your self up for disappointment.
  • edited December 2011
    It could be worse, you know. They could have burst into tears and disowned you as their child/friend/niece/cousin/coworker/Starbucks goer/pet owner/pedicure getter.

    Cew said it, nobody is going to be as excited as you are for your wedding. If you don't like the responses you're getting, stop sharing with people. And really and truly if people aren't shoving their opinions down your throat thank your lucky stars. That happens more often than not. And, if someone is that excited (the screaming, jumping up and down, etc) I can just about guarantee you they're going to be trouble later on.

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  • Manda724Manda724 member
    edited December 2011

    I agree with everyone... and like Butter Cookie said they could have disowned you... my FI had a friend that happened to bc she wasn't marring another Jewish person. I felt so bad for her. just think about having to do everything by yourself knowing that your whole family will not be there bc you fell in love with someone they don't approve of.

    I have been engaged twice and i have noticed that people are only happy when they are there for the engagment and when it gets closer to the day of your wedding. I have a little over 9 months and everyone is asking about the wedding and i don't want to talk about it. (i want it to be a surprise.)

  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The biggest lesson all brides need to learn is that is no one is as excited about your wedding as you are. 

    Be excited with your FI!  Make plans, start dreaming up your wedding, who cares if other people aren't that excited?  It's your wedding, not theirs.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • LarissaAnnLarissaAnn member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Theoretically, your FI is as excited as you are, so talk wedding with him and do wedding stuff with him!  You're in this together, so make it fun.  You really can; it's just a matter of mindset.  DECIDE to have fun.  DECIDE to be excited.

    Others will get excited when it's closer.

    As for not feeling like it's real, it felt real for me in stages, so don't worry that something's wrong.  The dress was only one small step.  Then when we started plunking money down for deposits, it felt a little more real.  Having registry stuff and boxes around the house post-shower was a small step.  The marriage license REALLY started to make it real (and that was just a week or two before the wedding!).  The ceremony made it real.

    And honestly, when I went to change my name post-wedding, it was still stepping toward feeling more "real."

    It happens really gradually.
  • felicia220felicia220 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I think it is good that you got this off your chest.  Sometimes it helps to just say it out loud (or in our case type it out).  There are always going to be things that are worse, fighting with your FI, or crazy FMILs, or parents demanding all kinds of things from YOUR wedding.  But in the end I understand that you want people to be excited for you.  (And I think cew515 was wayyyyyyy tooooo harsh, maybe cause she doesn't know what it is like) I can't say people weren't excited for me But we have been together for 10 years and I heard a lot of "oh, well its about time" instead of "congrats" So I guess in a way I can relate.  Is your FI very involved or just a typical guy who says "whatever you like" If he is really involved then as LarissaAnn said, get excited with him.  If he isn't, well the best I can offer is YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(ahhhhhhh) Your engaged!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am happy and excited for you, I mean that.  Do your best to enjoy every moment even if it is by yourself, remember that you are marrying the man of your dreams, and no one can take that away from you!
  • duckie1905duckie1905 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    What do you expect them to do?  No one will ever care about your wedding as much as you do.  If they don't seem interested in hearing about it then don't talk about it unless it is something that directly involves them.

    That aside, if people are helping you under protest, that means they don't want to be helping.  The only people responsible for planning your wedding is you and your FI.  No one else should HAVE to do anything.
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Totally with Felicia220.  We've been together for 10 years this Jan. 3rd, and are getting married 10-2-10.  I got a lot of "geez, finally", and "oh, oks".  I was a little disappointed at first.  Especially because people that were practically harassing us before he asked me acted like they could give a crap less after finding out we were engaged (my own mother tries to avoid talking about wedding stuff with me, "because she was never married" ((that's her excuse-i think she just doesn't want to listen)).  Either way, be excited for YOU and YOURS, you know.  I think it probably IS something that people will get more excited about as the event gets closer.  Although, I agree it is a little disheartening when people don't seem to care.  GOOD LUCK!! Wink
  • quotequeenquotequeen member
    edited December 2011
    Some people just don't care about weddings.  Maybe they have other things going on in their lives.  Maybe they were taken by surprise.  I know when my brother told me he was engaged I wasn't enthusiastic at all.  I feel bad about that now but when he told me I was completely caught off guard because he had only been dating the woman for a few months and I had never even met her.  Now I know her and love her and am having her in my wedding, but at the time I definitely was not excited for them.
    Married 10/2/10
  • Mrs_McCowanMrs_McCowan member
    edited December 2011

    Wow, some people on here are quite mean.  I understand where you're coming from.  While I did have some folks who were excited (my parents, and some of my friends), my FI's family couldn't have been less thrilled if I told them I planned on running him over with a mack truck.  For MONTHS after we got engaged, his mother wouldn't even acknowledge ME, much less our engagement.  She's finally come around somewhat, in that she will talk about the wedding, although she never actually looks at me when she's talking to me.  Maybe someday...

    I think sometimes it comes as a shock to people (even if they know it's coming) because your impending marriage means that their life will change, too.  Once you get engaged, it's REAL -- it's happening.  For parents, it can mean less time with their grown child, or less "control" over their child's life.  At the time I became engaged, I was fairly independent (living on my own, supporting myself, etc), but if I needed advice on something, or had a question about, say....car insurance, or how to allocate my 401K.....I would ask my parents.  But now I ask my fiance.  So that can be quite an adjustment for parents.  With friends, it can mean spending less time with them, or (if they are single), being the third wheel, or feeling sorry for themselves that they don't have a significant other.  So it may not be so much that they aren't excited for you, but more that they are having a pity-party for themselves when they have to face the fact that someone else (your FI) will be the center of your universe, and not them.

    But, as far as your engagement goes, YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!  I know I don't know you, but I think getting engaged is one of the best times in ANYONE'S life, and I am so excited for you!!  Have fun planning your wedding!!  :)

  • jklandwehrjklandwehr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    i have to agree, Mrs. Mcowan... some people on here are MEAN. wow.  I totally understand what you mean! Of course, you don't expect everyone to be as obsessed with your future wedding as you are, but it's hard to be so happy and excited on your own. Try not to let it bother you, have your moments with your fiance and don't let anyone ruin this experience for you. :)
  • edited December 2011
    I felt very similarly when my FI and I got engaged.  We had been dating almost four years, and I expected at least a mild level of enthusiasm from my family (one sister going on her second wedding, another who married about two years ago), and beside from the first phone call I felt little feedback from them.  Almost strangers wanted to hear more about my wedding than my own family!
    When I realized my feelings were hurt, I made an effort to DO something about it... talking to my mom about how I was feeling sensitive, taking quiet moments to get their opinions on someting wedding related, etc.  I felt that by taking small measures, I received the positive feedback I wanted.  Perhaps you can try a similar approach? Ask someone to look at a couple pages you've bookmarked online or in a wedding mag, and see if perhaps it's just a tentativeness to bring it up rather than a total lack of interest.

    Best of luck, and we're all happy for you! :)
  • edited December 2011
    If it makes you feel any better, my own mother doesn't care about my wedding. She has never seen me in my dress because she didn't feel like coming when I got it or when I got fitted for it the first time. She acts like it's an inconvenience to have to do her part of the guest list. I invited her to go with my FI, me, and my FI's parents to meet with a caterer next Saturday for a tasting, and she said (and i'm not even joking) that she'd have to "check her schedule".

    So I understand. I am really happy for you though. I hope you are able to enjoy your engagement. Just seek out other people who will be interested in it, in my case, a co-worker at work appears to want to know every detail of the planning process. So CONGRATULATIONS!!!
  • edited December 2011
    CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Wow i hate how some people post just to be cruel and hurtful. You even said in your post you just needed to vent. damnn. Well I hope you feel better and things look up!! Try doing something you and your fiance love together! Or start looking for a venue or another vendor you think will be exciting and spend a whole day/weekend. That way you can do some wedding stuff thats exciting that maybe your fiance will like and show enthusiasm. Men usually like choosing the music. maybe see some DJs? Do you have a best friend? Grab her and go to a bridal expo tis the season. She can even sign up for some of the cool stuff like winning trips and whatnot. Good luck with everything hun! and feel better :-) 
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  • edited December 2011
    another suggestion.. maybe hookup with some ladies on your local board for a luncheon and you can all be excited together :-) that could cheer you up! 
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