Grad party vs. wedding?

ckeatin1 · May 2010

So basically my fiance and I originally wanted our wedding to take place on 6/11/11. Then we found out that his younger brother's high-school graduation would be taking place possibly that weekend, so we willingly changed our date. Our new date is 6/18/11. Last weekend we went over to my future in laws house for a cook out and the entire time we were there my fiance's dad kept talking about this huge graduation party/family reunion part he is planning on having 3 days before our wedding. I am a little upset about this for several reasons...

1. The first reasoning seems to be pretty obvious (especially to other brides and friends and family members), this party will take away from the wedding. His father actually seems more excited about the grad part than the wedding?!

2. My fiance's family is HUGE! He has cousins that he has never even met and his dad's exact words were "I am trying to get as many people here as I can for the party and then they will all be here for the wedding." Their family offered to help with the flowers and to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but are in no way paying for the ceremony or the reception. My parents are taking that financial responsibility on themselves and the cost is over $100 a head.

3. My final problem with this is actually the worst. My feelings are really really hurt because I feel that his father is more excited about the party than the wedding. I understand that he wants to recognize his son for graduating from high-school, but a wedding seems to be a much bigger deal.

I just wanted to get some feed back from other brides because the last thing I want to do is act like a bridezilla and cause problems, but not only am I a litle pissed, but my parents are upset as well. Any ideas how to handle this situations gracefully?

TheDuckis · May 2010

1. You get one day. No party is going to take away from your wedding, unless it's happening at the exact same time.

2. You, your parents and your ILs need to have a discussion about the guest list asap. It sounds like your FIL is going to be telling everyone he knows to expect an invitation. He needs to know what his limits are before he starts making promises.

skippylouwho · May 2010

My older brother graduated ON my birthday. That same brother got married the weekend of my graduation. (He got married on Saturday my HS graduation was on Sunday).

I was ticked off both times. The year he graduated my birthday was an afterthought The year he got married my graduation was an afterthought.

How do you think the brother feels that your wedding is taking away from his big day?

TheDuckis · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_grad-party-vs-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4033a449-ccf4-4087-91a4-cdef76989595Post:b863a9c9-384f-4fdd-aba8-1cc25dd9411d">Re: Grad party vs. wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My older brother graduated ON my birthday. That same brother got married the weekend of my graduation. (He got married on Saturday my HS graduation was on Sunday). I was ticked off both times. The year he graduated my birthday was an afterthought The year he got married my graduation was an afterthought. How do you think the brother feels that your wedding is taking away from his big day?
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]

You do know that your brother didn't choose his graduation date, right? You sound like a peach.

JennaV26 · May 2010

The only reason I would be annoyed is because you're going to have so much to do the week of the wedding and attending another big party would be kind of stressful. Other than that, I think PP are right. His brother probably isn't thrilled that your wedding is right by his graduation either.

DG1 · May 2010

Is there a reason you must get married one of these two weekends? What's wrong with, say, late July? Or April? Or September?

And yes, lay down rules about the guest list. It's not just about paying for them (though that's a huge deal), but every extra person adds another level of stress, too. #s will determine where you can even have the wedding and reception, never mind trying to determine whether you even WANT a big wedding like that. Even if you can afford it, you might not want a 400 person wedding.

mininickle · May 2010

My Fiance's parents were more excited with their move to England (they like to run away from their problems every chance they get) than their oldest son's wedding. It ended with them telling me I should just stay single because I decided to keep my maiden name as a middle name (not hyphenated) and they moved to England early and of course, uninivted themselves.

So hopefully that shows you that there are bigger idiots in the world. LOL.

TheDuckis · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_grad-party-vs-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4033a449-ccf4-4087-91a4-cdef76989595Post:58bf87ee-efec-4e97-bb0d-76e114118da7">Re: Grad party vs. wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance's parents were more excited with their move to England (they like to run away from their problems every chance they get) than their oldest son's wedding. It ended with them telling me I should just stay single because I decided to keep my maiden name as a middle name (not hyphenated) and they moved to England early and of course, uninivted themselves. So hopefully that shows you that there are bigger idiots in the world. LOL.
Posted by mininickle[/QUOTE]

<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" /> good luck with that.

6fsn · May 2010

1) A hs grad party will not take away from a wedding. If you are having a Saturday wedding are they having the party on a Wed?
2) Give them a limit on their list. I'd venture these people he's never met aren't going to miraculously show up now.
3) He might be more excited because it's the event HE gets to plan. Move on.

4) The brother didn't pick his grad date and of course he gets a party. When you pick a date in June this is what you run into.

Butter Cookie · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_grad-party-vs-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:4033a449-ccf4-4087-91a4-cdef76989595Post:42c19673-85f1-442c-801e-774e050c296e">Grad party vs. wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]So basically my fiance and I originally wanted our wedding to take place on 6/11/11. Then we found out that his younger brother's high-school graduation would be taking place possibly that weekend, so we willingly changed our date. Our new date is 6/18/11. Last weekend we went over to my future in laws house for a cook out and the entire time we were there my fiance's dad kept talking about this huge graduation party/family reunion part he is planning on having 3 days before our wedding. I am a little upset about this for several reasons...

1. The first reasoning seems to be pretty obvious (especially to other brides and friends and family members), this party will take away from the wedding. His father actually seems more excited about the grad part than the wedding?! Have you considered that this is his child, graduating from highschool, and that might be a big deal to him? Have you ever known a man to squeal like a 13 year old girl over a wedding?

2. My fiance's family is HUGE! He has cousins that he has never even met and his dad's exact words were "I am trying to get as many people here as I can for the party and then they will all be here for the wedding." Their family offered to help with the flowers and to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but are in no way paying for the ceremony or the reception. My parents are taking that financial responsibility on themselves and the cost is over $100 a head. Tell him that's a nice thought, but completely financially out of the question. 

3. My final problem with this is actually the worst. My feelings are really really hurt because I feel that his father is more excited about the party than the wedding. I understand that he wants to recognize his son for graduating from high-school, but a wedding seems to be a much bigger deal. I just wanted to get some feed back from other brides because the last thing I want to do is act like a bridezilla and cause problems, but not only am I a litle pissed, but my parents are upset as well. Any ideas how to handle this situations gracefully? You're acting jealous because your fiance's father is excited his son is graduating highschool. Maybe they never thought the kid would graduate. Maybe this is the last child to graduate highschool, and Dad's excited all his kids are off to college/lives. Maybe Dad just isn't a wedding kind of guy. You get one day. You need to be gracious, and happy for your future brother in law who is graduating from highschool, not acting like a jealous child. 
Posted by ckeatin1[/QUOTE]

Heffalump · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_grad-party-vs-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:47Discussion:4033a449-ccf4-4087-91a4-cdef76989595Post:58bf87ee-efec-4e97-bb0d-76e114118da7">Re: Grad party vs. wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]My Fiance's parents were more excited with their move to England (they like to run away from their problems every chance they get) than their oldest son's wedding. It ended with them telling me I should just stay single because I decided to keep my maiden name as a middle name (not hyphenated) and they moved to England early and of course, uninivted themselves. So hopefully that shows you that there are bigger idiots in the world. LOL.
Posted by mininickle[/QUOTE]

There sure are, mininickle. There sure are.

CourtneyBC · May 2010

1. It will not detract from your wedding. There is nothing wrong with a grad party three days before hand. (In fact, FI and I are going to my new FBIL's grad party tonight, and you can see by my ticker that FI and I get married in only three days.) It's really not as big a deal as you think it is.

2. During the planning process, the wedding tends to be the center of everyone's attention. Grooms parents are worrying about the RD. Bride's are worried about the wedding/reception. Siblings tend to be ignored during this period to some extent. Give your new brother a break. Don't be a jerk about letting him celebrate his great day! At 18, I bet you thought graduation was one of the best days ever, too. Also, your new bro didn't get to choose when he would graduate. It's not his fault. Leave him alone and help him celebrate.

ETA: Also, if you don't want that huge number of people there, you and FI should cut people from the guest list. You can't whine about the number of people at your wedding unless people came uninvited.

ckeatin1 · May 2010

Wow! Thanks for all the insight.

Grad party vs. wedding?

Re: Grad party vs. wedding?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards