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RB & FG issue

maxxwedmaxxwed member
10 Comments
in Connecticut
You all recommended I ask the folks before asking the RB.  I asked and she answered they would love to be part of the wedding.  I said great and got off the phone.  Then it dawned on me she said "they". I called back and of course she thought I wanted her son and daughter.  Her daughter will be just shy of 2 at the time of our wedding.  I don't really want a FG who can't follow directions, might cry or just might not do it.  Now the mom is upset with me. I never said I wanted to ask your children. I said, do you think your sweet son would be happy to be our RB.  Anyone else have issues like this?
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Re: RB & FG issue

  • Megs7622Megs7622
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would just bite the bullet and call and explain the miscommunication.  Even pretend you are calling about something else.  say, "I am just calling because I forgot to tell you that so and so (their son) can get his own tuxedo" or "I am calling to tell you we are going to go shopping for the wedding party outfits and would love for your son to join us since he is part of the wedding now"  specify just him.  Then if she says "What about my daughter?" you can say, "oh I am so sorry there must have been a misunderstanding, we would like to just have your son in the wedding"  You can even be honest about how you want people that can walk down the aisle themselves to save yourself stress. 

    Honesty is the best policy and I reccomend you squash the miscommunication before it gets out of hand and harder to control.  Good luck!
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  • Whippet8Whippet8 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    at BIL and SIL's wedding, they had two flower girls, and one didn't end up walking down the aisle because she was nervous. It wasn't a huge deal.

    If this mother is going to pay for the outfits, what's the harm in having her daughter wear the same dress, and then just possibly not walk down the aisle?

    If it keeps peace, I guess I just don't see the huge deal.

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  • Whippet8Whippet8 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ps...our flower girls were 3 and 2.5 years old...can't you have more than one flower girl, in case of the situation I said above?
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    Ugh.  Parents!  (and this from someone who will be one!)

    Only you know how she's going to behave throughout the wedding planning process.  If you think she's going to hold a grudge, it may be easier.

    Or, you can wait for a week or so and call to clear the air.  Apologize for any miscommunication but mention that you wanted the son to be the RB only because the daughter is very young.  And I am a firm believer that if you can't follow directions then you shouldn't be in the WP.  But again, if mom throws a fit, it may just be easier to suck it up.
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  • beach11beach11
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My FL was less then 1.5 yo.  I knew it would be possible that she wouldn't walk down the aisle by herself and if she didn't, her dad was right there and so was her mom (my MOH).  If her brother is the RB then she might surprise you and do a great job.  If you really don't want her in your wedding, then call her parents right away and let them know.
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  • blipsettprblipsettpr member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am using my 2 twin girl cousins as my flower girls but I couldn't leave their brother out according to their mom so he is "escorting" them down the aisle. My FI has twin cousins (1 boy and 1 girl) and their mom said they both have to do it so he is the ring bearer and his sister is "escorting" him down the aisle lol.
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  • maxxwedmaxxwed member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I called her and talked to her.  She was upset but then called me back.  She understands and I said we will see how she does as we get closer.  If she seems to be able to handle it then we will but if she is crying and doesn't want too, then we wont.  I figured this was the best thing to do.
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  • smore154smore154
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I don't know why she would have assumed that if you just asked about her son. People are idiots and it's stories like this that make me want to slap people. UGH! I hope it all works out. Don't sweat it. I agree- if she's willing to pay for a dress for her daughter to possibly be in your wedding, then fine. Who cares in the end! It's like 2 minutes of time throughout the whole day that she'd walk down the aisle.
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  • maxxwedmaxxwed member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That is true, it is only a few minutes of the whole grand day. My biggest concern was I didn't want a crying screaming kid.  That is all really.  We will see.
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