MOTHER IN LAW IS CRAZY! Kind of Long!!

Re: MOTHER IN LAW IS CRAZY! Kind of Long!!

• em01092 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  She is definitely being a little crazy and passive agressive. She also sounds very needy. Maybe she is having a hard time letting go of her son, but that doesn't mean it's ok. 

  
  

  My advice is to limit the time you spend with her and try not to bring up wedding related stuff. If she does, answer briefly and change the subject. It doesn't always work, but it's a start. 

  
  

  Example: 

  "Can I help with the centerpieces?"

  "Thank you for your support but I already have that covered. Have you seen this new show_____?"

  
  

  Also, I hope you didn't rely on any money from her, because if you do take her funds, then you should listen to her wishes. Be prepared to decline any money because it will more than likely have strings attached and you don't need that. 

  
  

  If it progresses, have your FI talk to her and find some polite way to tell her to leave you the F alone. You shouldn't have to deal with this. 

  April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Bio-Updated 4/22**

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• [Deleted User]

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  She is very needy!! We have not depended on any money whatsoever..and thankfully won't need any because my parents are helping a little and he has a decent job and so pretty much we have it covered! I feel bad but I really do just avoid her at all cost! She asked to see my ring one day while I was in the middle of braiding my little nieces hair and I said yeah hold on just a second and she stormed off! Thanks for your suggestions!!

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• AutumnFair member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  We like to call these people BSC (bat sh*t crazy), though she does sound Bipolar with her mood changes. Like others have suggested, keep wedding talk to a bare minimum (if not completely eliminate it). When she asks to do something, unless it is something you really don't care too much about (which wouldn't be bad to make her feel involved) just give her the "thanks so much for offering, but we already have things set for that", then bean dip aka changing the subject and don't let her reel you back into that subject. 

  
  

  
  

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• Babbygirl1

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Please make an effort to have her son take 10 min out of his week to give her a call, maybe take her to lunch and after 4 years perhaps you should do the same. A wedding is one day out of your life being a family is a life time. Let her help with the centerpieces so what if she is messy they can be fixed after she leaves. Please try to look for the good after all she did raise your future husband and you love him and his qualities so she has done something right.

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• [Deleted User]

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  She actually didn't really raise him he normally stayed with friends parents because his home life growing up was rough...I have tried to get him to call her several several several times and he just won't! When I talk to her she is fine while we talk but then goes back and twist things and stuff! It is very difficult!

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• sparent2010 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  She might be crazy, but your job is to make nice. It makes life a lot easier in the end. Yes your FI might not like her a whole lot, but guess what she is family. Treat her with some respect and let her help out. If she flakes or is sloppy NBD.
  
  Your FI should make more of an effort with his mom not just for her but for you as well if she is being passive aggressive or aggressive in general he can help mitigate some of this by hanging out with his mom once in awhile. For us we see our parents at least 1x a month. Have dinner, go to their house whatever. Then they don't feel left out and what is one Sat lunch or Fri night dinner in the long run?

  

  

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• [Deleted User]

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  See and I am really close with my parents and grandparents! I see my grandparents everyday and my parents once a week! We have dinner and go do stuff..I sometimes don't get along with my mom partly because we are exact clones of each other but stil..and the FI always comes..I had to literally force him to take her to lunch on Mother's Day...then she got mad because he didn't also call her! I understand some of his frustrations because she does always ask him for money but still! It's hard for me to understand also! Expecially when he gives me and our son the world!

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• AutumnFair member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mother-law-crazy-kind-of-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bbc47602-d89c-4e3f-9e5a-dc9d9aff6ec4Post:d687672e-6d57-409c-9b1a-4bf8b910cef9">Re: MOTHER IN LAW IS CRAZY! Kind of Long!!</a>:
  [QUOTE]Please make an effort to have her son take 10 min out of his week to give her a call, maybe take her to lunch and after 4 years perhaps you should do the same. A wedding is one day out of your life being a family is a life time. Let her help with the centerpieces so what if she is messy they can be fixed after she leaves. Please try to look for the good after all she did raise your future husband and you love him and his qualities so she has done something right.
  Posted by Babbygirl1[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I disagree. Granted we are getting one side of the story here but then again we do not know the personal lives of OPing or her FI. But by what she is telling us, her FMIL actions AND the way her FI distances himself from his own mother is a clear indicator to me that the woman is not of sound mind. No one should have to force themselves to engage with someone who is crazy, if he doesn't want to talk or be around his mom because of her actions he shouldn't have to, and I totally disagree that OP has to force herself to "bond" with her either (also OP, you should tell your FI that if HE doesn't want to talk or hang out with her why should you be forced to?). </div><div>
  </div><div> Same goes with the centerpieces, if OP wants them a certain way and she knows that FMIL will probably botch the job why should she let FMIL do it? So OPing can be peeved even more at her FMIL? OPing parents and OP/her FI are paying for the wedding, hence, any involvement in planning and execution is between them unless OPing willing accepts help from others. </div>

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• awilley0814 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Secretly record her the next time she does one of these "episodes", and then play it back to her.  She will truly see what she is doing after that.  If she doesnt', I'm sorry to say but to just give up.  We had to do that with my FI's father.

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• Queen Jane member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  Sounds like my FMIL, except we see her like every.damn.day.

  
  

  So, it could be worse!

  Married! In New Orleans BIO

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I think it is up to FI how much you guys have contact with her, help her out, etc. What I do think you have a say in is how much she helps with the DIY wedding projects. You mentioned centerpieces and your FI wanting her to come over and help. If you are uncomfortable I think you need to tell FI that you already have that all worked out or if your FMIL brings it up, do what one of the PP's said and politely tell her that you have figured it out and change the subject.

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• AshleyNJustin2012

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  My FMIL sounds pretty similar, luckily she can't be bothered to really meet me or know my name...after 2 years.  Please don't judge how people handle their parents, if you knew what their childhood and adult hood was like, you wouldn't want to involve them either.  There are some people out there that should have never been parents and its only by the grace of God that their children can turn out to be wonderful  human beings.

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• Tracy2011 member

  

  August 2011 edited December 2011

  I totally understand your frustration/confusion with this. It sounds so much like the situation I have with my MIL. After months and months of confusion for me, I finally had a long talk with my H, where I made it clear that my role is to support him in whatever type of relationship he wants to have with his mother. For me, this means that if he is not going to call her/see her etc., he can't be suggesting that I do. Since his parents live far away it wasn't ever a "have her help' situation, but more just calling. He didn't get that if he isn't calling her or answering her calls, it puts me in a strange position if he says I should.
  
  On the confrontation subject, it sounds to me like this is a waste of time. She will not ever, no matter what you do, see that she is the problem. As you said, she is the victim. If she is like my MIL, the more you try to confront her the more she will flat out lie to make it seem like she's right (aka the victim).
  
  Really,the only suggestion I have is to support your FI when he needs to complain, and smile and play nice when your FMIL is around.
  

  

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