Not Engaged Yet

Bummed out

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years. I'm 22 years old and we have a two year old son and we live together. We obviously love eachother more than anything and have been talking about getting married. We've even looked at venues online, set a couple date options, and made a guest list to see how many people to plan for. The only thing that is holding us back is the ring. My dad is willing to pay for the wedding but we can't afford a ring on our own and my bf just got laid off last week. And, it doesn't help that I work in a bridal shop where I see brides all day so happy they are engaged. Me and my bf have put so much time and effort into our relationship and we're so ready to get married but it's only the ring that is keeping us from doing it. We've looked at rings, but I don't know what to do. I guess im just venting about it because I'm so bummed that there is no way around it. People would look at me crazy if I was planning a wedding with no ring. And he won't propose without a ring anyway. Cry

Re: Bummed out

  • edited December 2011
    I hear ya hon. I work at a site that handles several wedding receptions a year and we both see happy couples getting married and we both want that to be us. I think its a good idea that he gets another job before you make that plunge. However it is not unheard of for the bf to ask family for a loan. Even if its a CZ you can get it up graded anytime. Most common time Ive hear is on your one year. My bf just bought the ring this monday and its sitting on his desk rather than my finger and its driving me crazy! I dont care about the ring as much as he does. He says he wants to do it right and make it special. Im learning patients.
  • edited December 2011
    Will your bf propose without one? I have a couple friends who got engaged without a diamond simply because they only wanted to wear one ring once they got married. Use that excuse!

    If you really can't get engaged without a ring, what about something less expensive like a CZ or something like this:

    It looks like a larger diamond but is really smaller ones put together. Get creative. You can always replace it later on in your marriage.
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  • edited December 2011
    Ok this may be the cheap way out here but... why not get a cz?(cubic zirconia). You can get a very pretty CZ with white gold for like 100 bucks. But i will say this. Don't worry about what other people think about you or your wedding planning. If you want to be engaged and your boyfriend says your engaged then hey you're engaged!!! All you have to do is tell them youre engaged. If they ask where your ring is just either say its none of their business(because its not) or that you and your FI have other things to worry about which you do because you have a kid.
  • babybchbumbabybchbum member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Don't worry about what others think. Think about what makes you happy.

    If he won't propose without a ring, look into some less expensive options. And there is nothing wrong about planning your wedding without a ring
  • yellowroseFRAyellowroseFRA member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    You can definitely be engaged without an engagement ring! In lots of countries (like Germany where I live right now), people just wear their wedding bands and switch them to the other hand at the wedding. And my mom lives in America, has never had an engagement ring, and has been happily married to my dad for 32 years : )

    And another "upgrade" idea - a friend of mine waited awhile to get a ring, then got a diamond and gemstone band set with her birthstone, her husband's and her first child's. It is beautiful and people always ask about it.
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto the PPs that you most certainly don't need a ring to be engaged.  I planned quite a bit of my wedding without a ring.  We visited venues and I tried on dresses and not one single person questioned me about not having a ring.  And had I been questioned, I frankly would have been pretty pissed.  It's the committment to one another that is important, not a piece of jewelry.

    If I were you, I would talk to your BF.  Tell him what you just said here; let him know that you don't need a ring and you just want to be married.  The money that you would have spent on a ring could be spent instead on your son or a honeymoon or something other than a ring you can't afford.

  • edited December 2011
    Thank you soooo much. That was all awesome advice and I feel alot better. I totally agree that I dont need a ring to show people I love him or that he loves me. It's not what Im worried about. I just hope he will feel the same as I do. I think the CZ idea is really awesome or no ring at all even. Thanks everyone!!!
  • edited December 2011
    You don't need a ring.  You have a child. You're planning a wedding. It's perfectly okay to say that you wanted to spend money where it would be most useful: your child, the wedding, the honeymoon, a house, etc.

    No one says the ring has to be a diamond either.  You could look into colored stones as well, if you don't want to go with CZ.
  • edited December 2011
    People might also think you are crazy planning a wedding when you already have a child together and no money.  JMO.
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