what a wedding needs

katieanne85 · April 2010

So one of the most frustrating things since getting engaged: people all want to talk about the wedding, what I'm wearing, where it will be, what we will eat, the decor, etc. That would just be mildly annoying except that everyone has an opinion on what I am doing wrong, or what a wedding NEEDS to have. I get grief for not having real flowers, (I have a low budget and its not as important to me,) for not making Fi and his guys wear tuxes, for not asking for diamonds in my wedding band, for not inviting more people, for not having dancing (its not a common thing in either Fi or my family for cultural/religeous reasons) for not going on a crazy diet (you calling me fat?) for having too long an engagement, for having too short an engagement, and my personal fav, for not wearing high heels, this came from a coworker, who upon hearing I planned on bright colored flats for my outdoor wedding, lectured me for 15 minutes on how I am about to be a married lady and need to change my attitude and act like one. LOL

Anyone else deal with this? the majority of this comes from coworkers and casual conversations where I am being pressed for details. I never know how to respond to people saying, "but you have too..." or "but its your wedding day..." from peoplee who wont even be invited! I like planning a party as much as the next girl, but our wedding isnt a show, its a celebration.

tracy_k · April 2010

For the ones who say something ridiculously inappropriate, I'd go with the Carolyn Hax-approved "Wow."

For anyone who is well-meaning but just a little overbearing, I find a smile and nod, then "So isn't the weather gorgeous/crappy today?" works wonders.

For all the rest of them, eff 'em. They're not invited, they're not related, just let it go and enjoy your wedding that is going to be YOURS, not some cookie-cutter version of what your casual aquaintances and coworkers think it should be.

lisarose7 · April 2010

Weddings and pregnancy have that in common. For some reason, even people who've never been through either have strong opinions on how things HAVE to be done. I had an argument with a coworker once over the fact that I wasn't inviting children to the wedding. She was neither married nor a parent, but insisted that I HAD to have kids at the wedding and it was just plain WRONG not to invite them. As much as I wanted to call her a twatwaffle, I kept my cool and just changed the subject. I've had pregnant friends have non-parents tell them that they HAVE to breastfeed, or that they're totally WRONG for not finding out the sex as soon as they can. Just do your best to smile and change the subject...you'll get through it.

[Deleted User] · April 2010

Oh yeah, people can't believe how relaxed we are with the wedding and keep telling us we have to make it more formal and fancy. FI is wearing a suit, not a tux, my dress is a BM dress, not a "real" wedding dress, engagement ring is too small (I picked it out, hate huge rocks), venue is too casual. You name it, people have said it.

They don't seem to understand that this is OUR wedding and we are doing it according to our own personal style. We're not fancy, formal people so why put on that act? Leave me alone, people!

526SadieSadie · April 2010

KatieAnn, I'm so sorry people are giving you grief. Keep your head up and stop discussing your plans with the negative people. All a wedding really needs is a bride, a groom, an officiant and two witnesses for the paperwork. That's all it needs. Period. You don't need flowers or hundreds of guests or dancing or high heels for crying out loud. Do what YOU want, when they get married, they'll do what they want.
If they continue to be a problem, in the eternal words of my friend's grandmother, "frigga dem all, big anna small" (say it with a thick italian accent)

Good Luck!!!

SarahRuthG · April 2010

I think we all deal with this! People must think I am the worst bride ever because I dont like to talk about my wedding. I want it to be a surprise to everyone and I want to keep all the little details to myself. I had a co-worker insist on coming to my car to see my favors (I had picked them up on lunch break and she heard me say to another co-worker/bridesmaid I had them). I finally let her see them to shut her up. And becuase they didn't have their thank you tags and stuff on them yet so it wasn't very interesting. My mom does the "But you have to have a receiving line!" all the time. I say, "No I dont" and leave it at that. It can be annoying when people ask and give opinions. I don't let it bother me though, try not to let it bother you. Everyone is an expert

katieanne85 · April 2010

Lisarose, I got the opposite: 'your inviting children??!!' lol Twatwaffle I like that, I really want to call someone a twatwaffle now lol.
I live in a rather, well materialistic and entitled area, although I was not raised here or with these values. I agree with Sadie, all you need is the bride and groom and officiant, the rest is just celebrating the marriage, and I would like it to be nice and all but so much of the trappings of a wedding mean nothing to me.

One exception, I did listen to my dad when he found out we were doing cupcakes instead of a big cake he said: "you have to have a cake to cut into and feed each other, I love that part of weddings and its so cute and think of the symbolism, I KNOW! You should cut into a GIGANTIC CUPCAKE!!!" we dispensed with the giant cupcake idea but will have a small cake to cut. LOL my dad thought you'd have to bake a cupcake that big in a soup pot.

Thanks so much girls I jus needed to vent!

526SadieSadie · April 2010

we've got your back, doll! set my big mouthed ass on the next person who negs you, I'll tell them off for you!

deepcovejackie · April 2010

Start with "I'll keep that in mind". Then change of subject... "so how about that Tiger Woods". If all fails, practice your icy stare of death. Focus your gaze mid-forehead and just...look....they'll think you're insane and go away.

Works for me!

tytbody · April 2010

I think what's good about coming here is, we get it. WE GET IT. . We know what we can and can not do and what we want. We don't say you have to a, b, and x.. It's your day. I'm leaving out P, so what. You want me to have P, then you pay for it.. or better yet, give me the money and I'll really get what I want.. I get the questions also. some I like, some I wish would go under a bed and leave me alone because,,, she's not invited. The biggest question asker of all!!!!

alewpanda · April 2010

I've been told I should invite more people, invite less people, have a full meal rather than deserts and finger foods, spend less on my dress, (because 600 is sooo much these days), wear heels, wear my hair up, have a white gold rather than yellow gold wedding band, have real flowers, have more favors, have alcohol, have dancing, take more pictures, take less pictures, decorate more, register for more, register for less, have a wedding website, make the invites fancier, and spend less on the honeymoon.

Yep, its all said, and then some.

katieanne85 · April 2010

I think the heels symbolize all the other things im supposed to be doing, being a real grown up or somethin, idk not having them means Im not a grownup or somethin.

An thanks sadie, now we're invincible!

526SadieSadie · April 2010

muahahahahaa! we're an unstoppable force of 21st century women who aren't taking crap from anyone!
And in the spirit of full disclosure, I'm wearing heels, but I'm wearing them because I like wearing heels, not because some twatwaffle told me I had to!

HA! I got to use twatwaffle!! Yeah. It's been a long week, I live in Rhode Island and the flood water is not receding as quickly as the news is saying it is. I need a dirty martini, stat.

FutureMrsFraser · April 2010

I've had the same problem, my sister who is married seems to find the negativity in every single idea I have. I wanted a "wedding wall" (a large chalkboard with paint pens) instead of having a guest book... because we could put it up in our apartment along with photos from the wedding and actually use it instead of having a guest book that will go in a box and collect dust, she hated that idea. Told me chalkboards were too expensive for our budget, much to my pleasure when I found a cute decorative one for $40 online. I told her I wanted the DJ to play a game with the married couple and see who's been married the longest so they can have a dance together... because that's really what the whole day is about, spending the rest of your life together and how better to honor that then by spotlighting FI grandparents who have been together the longest out of all of our guests. She hated that idea, she said well what if they don't want to dance, I just don't think that will go over well.

So I've taken this approach, I say, oh okay... to whatever she or anyone else for that matter has to say about my plans and I do what I wanted to anyway. At first it was really hard for me not to say, "well it's my wedding and I'll do what I want" but I've learned it's easier to skip the drama and offending people even though they have just offended you and be the gracious bride you want to be by just saying okay, I'll think about that, and move on.

ejoyce8 · April 2010

tell your coworker that i am wearing flipflops..that might give her a heartattack

people need to stay out of your business. this is YOUR wedding...and i thnk your flats will look wonderful

khornack · April 2010

But how will anyone know that you have gotten married if you don't wear a girdle and heels in your everyday life? And I think you need to read the fine print on your marriage license, if you don't have a diamond band, invite 400 of your closest friends (each, of course), and lose 15% of your body weight, you are not legally married.

LAME.

My favorite is when someone asks for a detail, and I get the oh-so-enthusiastic "oh..." response. It's my wedding. I want something small and intimate, I am NOT going to invite more people so I can get more presents (an actual suggestion). I just smile as sweetly as I can and change the subject.

what a wedding needs

Re: what a wedding needs

Choose Another Board

Search Boards