Annoyed.....but should I be?

had26 · August 2012

Sorry if this ends up being long. I'll do my best to keep it short!

So, my two matrons of honor and I got together yesterday for a little girls afternoon, wine tasting and late lunch. We were having a great time, then while we were halfway through lunch they tell me that my bachelorette party is going to be too expensive for them and that basically no one is coming. Of course I got really upset. With the exception of one or two other friends, I am the last one to get married and I just feel like I participated and paid for all of their activities when they were getting married and now that it's my turn no one wants to do anything. My FI is experiencing the same thing with his Bach. party. I know that I should be grateful for anything, and I am. But I am super annoyed right now. The last thing I need to worry about right now is trying to figure out something else to do. I just want to tell them to forget it at this point.

Am I overreacting?? What would you do? I"m so over all of this wedding crap.

lv2011 · August 2012

I'm sorry. That does suck. But, as you said, bachelorette parties are not a quid pro quo situation. While it's nice that you helped pay for their parties, they certainly don't have to reciprocate- especially if doing so hurts them financially. Is there some other party idea that is cheaper, allowing everyone to participate? I know that for me, personally, I don't have a lot of "extra" cash running around for things like this, so I'd be much more apt to pitch in for something economically smart, rather than excessively lavish (not saying yours is, but it's something to consider).

Good luck to you. I hope it gets worked out.

NRod70 · August 2012

Why can't they do something that is not as expensive? It's not about the money you spend, it's about the time you spend with your friends.

mrshall1027 · August 2012

I think I'd be a little bummed out about it. I went through a similar situation with my bachelorette party. It was something that all my girls had been talking about since I got engaged. We all wanted to do some sort of weekend trip which everyone was fine with and could afford. We planned it well in advance for everyone to save and prep for it. Well then, FI's best man decides to through him a weekend bachelor party last minute, which is fine, but we have a lot of friends that are couples and are invited to both, so that just doubled their expenses. I didn't want to force them to choose which one they could go to, so I just canceled mine and decided to do something local and just one night out dancing. It will still be a lot of fun, and even though I wish we were still going to the beach, I'm happy that we were able to figure something else out for everyone to come.

ericaandtom2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_annoyedbut-should-i-be?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:4c3027b6-77a8-4b56-bb2d-ce9186b659b7Post:51e78328-7c6c-4386-8c3e-34ecc7b935da">Re: Annoyed.....but should I be?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why can't they do something that is not as expensive? It's not about the money you spend, it's about the time you spend with your friends.
Posted by NRod70[/QUOTE]

<div>This. I'd be bummed too, but why aren't they planning something that they and everyone else can afford to attend? It doesn't have to be a girls' weekend trip to Vegas. </div>

PetalPockets2012 · August 2012

I would be upset and hurt but I would just let it go. Bachelorette parties are not a required thing.

If they have told you it is too expensive then accept that. You never really know what individuals money situation truly is. If they offer to do something simpler, then accept it.

If you really want to have a night out with just the girls, plan it yourself. It doesn't have to be a bachelorette party. Just let your friends know that you want to go out and let them know the place and time. Even if you want to have a simple girls night at your place with wine and movies or games. Just don't call it a bachelorette.

insanityofamom · August 2012

That is a major bummer. I am sorry. What were their plans?

What about something low-key like a "Girl's Night In' with some wine? Each BM could bring a bottle of wine, and your MoHs could make the dinner!

I don't see a need to have an extravagant or expensive bachelorette party -- especially not in this economy -- but I think that an acceptable alternative could be reached. The important part is that you want to spend time with your girls before your big day!!

Hope it works out for you.

pzavecz · August 2012

Honestly, I would be pretty annoyed and disappointed too. I'm so sorry.

Unfortunately, there really is nothing you can do since you aren't planning it and it would be inappropriate to plan your own bachelorette.

Like PP's said, I just don't understand why they have to make it an expensive bachelorette party. They can't find other cheaper alternatives that will still allow you to have one? It doesn't have to be a go big or go home party. IMO, I'd rather have something rather than nothing, even if it's just a night out at the local bars with my girlfriends or a mani-pedi with a lunch day...no limos, no fancy things...just something casual. I actually would probably be more annoyed with the fact that they just decided to cancel the whole thing rather than find other options that people could afford.

Do you know what they had in mind for your B party? Maybe you can let them know some more affordable options. Don't be involved in the planning just make sure you let them know you aren't expecthing extravagant but that you just want to spend time with your girls. Maybe they think you are expecting something big? After that, leave the ball in their court. If they still decide to not plan something, that just sucks, but there is nothing you can do since you can't force them to plan it. Hope it all works out!

BrittneyRN · August 2012

That sucks, but as PP stated, bachelorette parties are not a requirement. Maybe talk to them and tell them that you don't need an expensive night out, just a night with your friends. If they still don't plan anything, then don't plan one yourself, just let it go. As PP said, you CAN plan a night out, but don't call it a bachelorette party, or include anything associated with one.

had26 · August 2012

I think the thing that annoys me the most is they are basically telling me that I have to think of something else. I don't need this right now. If they want to do something then they should come up with an alternative within everyone's budget. I don't really care. I just don't need the stress of them saying I have to come up with something else. And the original plan wasn't that extravagant anyway. A night in NYC, just dinner and drinks and stay over. I"m not trying to go to Vegas here.

Annoyed.....but should I be?

Re: Annoyed.....but should I be?

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