Cash Bar Issue

egeurts · May 2012

I know that cash bars are frowned upon here on TK, but I feel like in our area they aren't all that uncommon, and I'm having one at my wedding. Most people attending are local, so I don't think it'll be an issue, and I've posted all the information, including that I'm having a cash bar, on my wedding website, to give people a head's up.

However, I've been attending school halfway across the country all year, and a number of my friends (about 4-5 people) are driving up for my wedding. I'm not sure what their expectations are as far as the bar goes, but I do know they plan on drinking. I gave them invitations and told them to check out the website, but I'm not sure if they actually will. I would hate for them to get to the reception and be unprepared to pay for alcohol. Is there anything else I should do as far as tactfully letting them know there's a cash bar, or have I done everything I should in letting telling them to check out the website? I just feel bad since they're driving halfway across the country for our special day and I want to make them feel welcome. I'm fairly confident that any other OOT guests will not be surprised, as they're from the area and moved out of it; these friends are from Florida.

srdavis21 · May 2012

I agree that Cash Bars aren't that uncommon here...I never attend a wedding in MN without having some cash on me in case we need to pay for anything. (I know that a lot of people on The Knot come down on Cash Bars...but I understand that people have a finite amount of money to work with when planning a wedding!)

As far as the out of town guests...Are you close to these people - do you chat with them on a regular basis? If so, I'd say you could work into the conversation that your budget was limited and difficult choices had to be made and so you have to have a cash bar. You can explain that even though it didn't work with your budget, you still wanted to have something available if people really wanted a drink. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, but if you can slip it into regular conversation, that might not be a bad idea.

If you aren't close to them and this would be an awkward conversation, I'd think that you have done what you can and keep your fingers crossed that they visit your website.

tpender13 · May 2012

It sounds like you feel guilty for having a cash bar. Have you looked into the possibility of hosting the bar for part of the night? Or hosting just certain things (beer/wine, maybe) and having a cash bar for other stuff? If you do host something, even for a certain amount of time, I would put some kind of sign at the bar saying "All drinks will be hosted until 9 PM; the bar will stay open after that." or "Bud Light and XYZ Merlot and Chardonnay are compliments of the bride and groom."

jennipea382 · May 2012

Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I think TK makes people overthink things. If it's only 4-5 people, it's not that many. I really can't see someone getting so offended by a cash bar that they'd stop being friends with you or not come to your wedding. Sure, they may not like it, but hopefully they will understand that it's more important to have them at the wedding than to get them drunk on your dime. If they're good enough friends, they'll understand!

bburkel · May 2012

A lot of reception venues take this into account and have an ATM on site, or nearby. Cash bar has been pretty common, at least for things other than beer or wine, in my experience. Will your venue let you negotiate drink prices? Ours will let us buy tickets for drinks at a reduced rate that we can sell to our guests, so they're only paying $5 vs $6.50 a drink.

hippolover · May 2012

I would directly tell them that its pretty common for MN and you just wanted to make them feel as comfortable as possible. You could do it in a way that you are just giving them a heads up about it in general.
Example:

"So you can expect my mom to hug you cause that is who she is. And uncle polly will be loud. Hopefully the cash bar will deter him from drinking too much. ect..."

harr0610 · May 2012

This is one reason I dislike TK. NEVER thought cash bars were rude before posting here, now I side eye them all the time

I don't know. Personally, I don't like the "host it for awhile, then switch to cash" option, only because you have people getting in line and then someone has to cut it off somewhere and THAT'S annoying. I went to a wedding that did 2 hours hosted, I was in line towards the end, and they cut off the hosting 3 people in front of me. Well that kind of sucked. So for what it's worth, if I was going to go cash bar, I'd go cash all the way vs "hosted for xxx amount of time". Go big or go home, right?

I see both sides of it, and personally I don't ever go to a wedding EXPECTING an open bar. I wouldn't worry about spreading the word too much. If people don't have cash, they'll find a way to get some if they want to drink that bad. Agree with PP's that if someone is going to be upset about it, it'll be more a momentary annoyance vs a friendship ending move or something.

ShelbyGT21 · May 2012

We weren't sure what to do on this issue at first because rarely ever drink, if maybe once a month. But we decided on a cash bar so our friends and family can have a few if they'd like. That's just us though:) We know the people we are inviting won't get offended.

egeurts · May 2012

We definitely don't have the budget to host an open bar, at all. We are thinking of footing the tab for our wedding party, that would only cost us about $200, tops. Even if we were to do beer and wine we'd be talking wayyy more than we can afford, so cash bar it is.

Personally, I don't see anything wrong with a cash bar, and I don't feel guilty about having one, so long as our guests know what to expect. I just know that one of my friends who is also getting married (and not attending my wedding, due to a schedule conflict) is always bragging about her open-bar wedding and how much alcohol there will be and how awesome it is to get totally hammered at weddings... and I am just afraid that the friends attending my wedding will have that sort of idea and be put-off by the idea of paying for drinks, especially when they came so far to celebrate with us.

But, on the other hand, I like to tell myself that they came to watch us get married and have a fun party, not to get totally sloshed... right?

flower_lover · May 2012

I agree with PP who said "I never go to a wedding expecting a cash bar." I also go to work or other parties not knowing whether cocktails will be hosted, and it's never been a problem. I would not worry about your friends from out of town. They will be fine, even if they don't look at your web site.

jennipea382 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_cash-bar-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:29043583-9043-4916-b767-e37ef488e8a1Post:445b80e7-bb68-4ad9-b0ba-8a1c04c31dd3">Re: Cash Bar Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]This is one reason I dislike TK. NEVER thought cash bars were rude before posting here, now I side eye them all the time :( I don't know. <strong>Personally, I don't like the "host it for awhile, then switch to cash" option</strong>, only because you have people getting in line and then someone has to cut it off somewhere and THAT'S annoying. I went to a wedding that did 2 hours hosted, I was in line towards the end, and they cut off the hosting 3 people in front of me. Well that kind of sucked. So for what it's worth, if I was going to go cash bar, I'd go cash all the way vs "hosted for xxx amount of time". Go big or go home, right? I see both sides of it, and personally I don't ever go to a wedding EXPECTING an open bar. I wouldn't worry about spreading the word too much. If people don't have cash, they'll find a way to get some if they want to drink that bad. Agree with PP's that if someone is going to be upset about it, it'll be more a momentary annoyance vs a friendship ending move or something.
Posted by harr0610[/QUOTE]

You know, I have to agree with this. I'm not a fan of the time limit or dollar limit. What we will probably do and what I like is buying say, 2 kegs and like, 80ish bottles of wine (still deciding on an amount.. haha), then cash for liquor or cash for if it runs out. I plan on getting enough to hopefully cover everyone for the night on beer and wine, but there's the possibility of it running out.

(Sorry to go off topic a bit!)

wittyschaffy · May 2012

Don't sweat it. I always bring cash to a wedding because I don't expect that people pay for my booze.

We hosted cocktail hour. Bar was closed during dinner (wine at the tables). We hosted beer, wine and soda during the dance. Anything "hard" was on their dime since we did give them options to pick from.

sassnspark · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_cash-bar-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:81Discussion:29043583-9043-4916-b767-e37ef488e8a1Post:501bfb14-eea3-4a81-a43d-43ca3e9d005b">Re: Cash Bar Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't sweat it. I always bring cash to a wedding because I don't expect that people pay for my booze. We hosted cocktail hour. Bar was closed during dinner (wine at the tables). We hosted beer, wine and soda during the dance. Anything "hard" was on their dime since we did give them options to pick from.
Posted by wittyschaffy[/QUOTE]

How did this go for you? We are planning on doing the same so I am a bit curious...

goatlady12 · May 2012

I don't think you'd have to worry about MN locals. Most weddings are cash bars around here. I'd ask your venue if they have an onsite ATM or if they allow guests to start a tab.

wittyschaffy · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_minnesota-minneapolis-st-paul_cash-bar-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:81Discussion:29043583-9043-4916-b767-e37ef488e8a1Post:253ed492-8cc3-4330-9671-cd25d3d7f418">Re: Cash Bar Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Cash Bar Issue : How did this go for you? We are planning on doing the same so I am a bit curious...
Posted by sassnspark[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It worked great for us. We put signs on the bar saying that it would be hosted by the bride's family during cocktail hour, closed for dinner (we had a sit down plated meal and we didn't want people up and around while the servers were trying to do their thing) and that wine, beer, and soda would be hosted during the dance. We had zero complaints - and DH's family would be the first to let us know if we remotely offended them since they held nothing back during planning. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue Out" title="Tongue Out" /> </div><div>
</div>

SSaltzman87 · May 2012

Yeah, I really wouldn't worry about it too much. TK really can make you over think a lot of things.

musicalsunlight · May 2012

I would avoid doing the "host for WP" thing. Discriminating against the rest of the guests is rude. But like PPs said, if it is just a few people coming, I wouldn't really worry about it. I'd assume that since they are traveling anyway, they will have cash on them since it is a vacation. Most people have that kinda stuff prepared.

myname1234 · May 2012

is it really that expensive to host beer and wine at your venue?

i'm born and raised MN and i agree that it's pretty common. But common doesn't necessarily make it ok. The reception is your thank you to your guests. it's sort of like sending someone a thank you gift...but making them pay for postage.

I'm not going to flame you for doing it, but personally I made the choice to find the room in the budget. I cut other things like photobooths and limos because it was important for me to make my guests feel important.

mabrown5 · May 2012

Our venue has a required amount for drinks that we need to pay. So we decided to host beer, wine and soda. If they want anything else it will be a cash bar. I don't think your out of town guest are coming to your wedding for the drinks. They are coming to celebrate with you, so I wouldn't sweat it. I think you have done plenty to tell your guests about the bar.

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