Anyone else ending up disappointed with the whole wedding thing? (Pity Party for 1)

ChiGirl2013 · March 2013

I don't know. It just seems like nothing is going right with this wedding and I'm just disappointed and depressed about the whole thing. My family isn't showing even the least bit of excitement or happiness for us, people backed out of the financial help they promised and we don't have the money to cover everything, FI is now working 2 jobs 7 days a week - which is making him tired and crabby, I never see him, I've had major issues with some crappy vendors, apparently my wedding isn't "important enough to have a shower", I hate my dress, my dad isn't coming and thinks he can just write me a check and "call it a day", our coordinator and officiant won't return any of my calls/emails, and I had to cut out so many things from our budget that I may as well just take everyone to McDonald's for a happy meal because that will probably be more special than what we'll be able to afford in the end.

I just want to fast forward past this disaster and never think about it again.

orangehills · March 2013

Ha I feel you!! I'm SO over it. I've heard this is pretty normal. I mean, I'm glad I didn't elope because I do want all this wedding stuff, but it's still tiring and I'm over it. I'm sad because since we downsized a lot of people are disappointed they can't come, and I am too. I'm afraid the wedding will be totally boring and suck for those coming... I'm scared something won't turn out right or we'll run out of time. Ugh. I'm just ready to be married and be on vacation!

I'm sorry though that you're feeling that way

I'm sure you'll look beautiful in your dress, and it's on a beach right? The food could suck but it's still awesome because it's beachy destination! Don't worry about that. And screw the people backing out financially and not being excited- remember, no one is as excited for the wedding as us and on the day of they will be. As for the shower- someone did want to throw you one, so even if you aren't having one, just keep telling yourself that you really could have! lol I guess it's about trying to find the bright sides. I've been doing that too- to get me through all the stress!

Blondy214 · March 2013

I'm sorry ChiGirl. That sucks that a lot of your family won't be there. The only thing I can tell you is to just keep your eye on the prize! If at the end of the day you are married to your man, then it went perfectly IMO! Try not to worry about the other things that just remember that this is one of the most important and happiest day s of your life.

I keep worrying that certain things won't come out right, but then I just tell myself that I am not marrying the cake, or flowers, or my dress so if its not the way I wanted it in the grand scheme of the day it doesn't matter! What matters is that you're getting married.

phoenix870509 · March 2013

My wedding is bringing out the bad parts of my mom. She is acting exactly like my grandmother (her mom, who she swore she would never be like). At this point I just want to go down to the courthouse and be done with it, but we've already put so much time and money into everything. Plus FI's family would not forgive him if we did that. He is only 1 of 2 boys in the family who can pass on the family name and he is probably their only hope of passing on the family name. So his wedding is a really big deal. And I'm my parents only child so my wedding is really big for my mom. However she is trying to take controll of everything (as she has done my entire life) and making things miserable. She and my FMIL are hosting my shower, as my MOH lives in VA and asked them to host it for her, and my mom is not communicating with my FMIL. She is set in her opinion about my dress looking horrible with the corset and is dictating how I should wear my hair. I'm not obeying and she is pissed. I'm excited to marry my FI and all that, but I am so ready for this to be over.

adawn1981 · March 2013

Yes, sometimes I think our wedding will be boring and people will hate it too. We are doing our best to plan it, but I don't even know what I am doing. We have a DJ, but very few friends attending, mostly just family so I am worried that nobody will even dance. Also we have nobody to cut the cake, so we will have to have a family member do it. Slicing a wedding cake into 80 pieces is going to be a disaster for somebody that doesn't know what they are doing. Also, the 10 people that haven't rsvp'd have been straight up dodging calls and emails, so I do not know if I count them in or out. I would hate to mark them as a no but they show up and we get a bill for the extra guests. I mostly feel like the wedding will be great and fun, but at times (like today) feel like it is a complete disaster and we are wasting time and money. Honestly, the only reason I wanted a wedding instead of just flying somewhere and getting married is so my parents get to experience their daughters wedding.

orangehills · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_anyone-else-ending-up-disappointed-with-the-whole-wedding-thing-pity-party-for-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:075cdd9a-8036-4d1c-85e7-f35201c65189Post:beb15a06-342b-4762-83e3-401d3668e204">Re: Anyone else ending up disappointed with the whole wedding thing? (Pity Party for 1)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, sometimes I think our wedding will be boring and people will hate it too. We are doing our best to plan it, but I don't even know what I am doing. We have a DJ, but very few friends attending, mostly just family so I am worried that nobody will even dance. Also we have nobody to cut the cake, so we will have to have a family member do it. Slicing a wedding cake into 80 pieces is going to be a disaster for somebody that doesn't know what they are doing. Also, the 10 people that haven't rsvp'd have been straight up dodging calls and emails, so I do not know if I count them in or out. I would hate to mark them as a no but they show up and we get a bill for the extra guests. I mostly feel like the wedding will be great and fun, but at times (like today) feel like it is a complete disaster and we are wasting time and money. Honestly, the only reason I wanted a wedding instead of just flying somewhere and getting married is so my parents get to experience their daughters wedding.
Posted by adawn1981[/QUOTE]

So after seeing this problem a lot on the etiquette board.. If you don't hear back from them by the time your venue needs the info, call and leave them a phone message and say- "Since we have not heard back from you I'm going to mark you as a no. Hope all is well!"
Maybe give it a day so they can call and change their minds if need be, and if you don't hear from them after a day, mark them as a no. If they show up, it is their fault they will have no place to sit and nothing to eat- I honestly wouldn't even worry about it because they would be SO in the wrong at that point. Don't even worry on your wedding day about it if they show up, just say something like I'm so sorry- you rsvp'd no so we don't have a place for you :/

[Deleted User] · March 2013

I wouldn't say I'm disappointed but I am really worried that it's all going to go wrong. Our RSVPs have been lower than we expected so now I'm feeling like it's going to be about 5 people bouncing around this giant room like ping pong balls. Then I worry about music...and food...and looking fat...and basically everything under the sun. Honestly, while I'm sure I'll be happy day of, at this moment I'm really most excited for the night after the wedding when FI and I will be heading back to our apartment before our early flight to our honeymoon. The thought of sitting on our couch with my cat and my HUSBAND just sounds amazing.

Chi - I'm really sorry you're feeling so bad about everything. It really sucks how your family is acting. But, as others said, just remember, it's about you and your FI. You are going to be marrying a wonderful (from the sounds of it!!) man in a gorgeous city and that's all that matters. It will be special and wonderful - and would be even if you did go to McDonald's.

And if you want any dress love, I'm sure you look gorgeous so I'd love to see a picture and then gush appropriately

Spunky414 · March 2013

I'm sorry Chi, I think that feeling disappointed is a natural part of this whole process. There's an obscence amount of cultural hype surrounding weddings and the expectation that this is OMG!!! the biggest!!! bestest!!! day!!!! of your life!!!!! EVAR!!!!! that it's impossible not to feel a little disappointed at some point. The media has really only publicizes one type of wedding, and that type is relatively new and isn't really indicative of the average persons budget and experiences. Even people with huge budgets have to say no at some point and no one has a 100% functional happy all the time family, major life events bring out the crazy in everyone.

I'm sorry none of that is particularly uplifting. I'm at a fairly low point myself and I'm ready for it to be over. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way and I don't think it says a single thing about your relationship and it's the relationship that really matters not the fancy party.

adawn1981 · March 2013

Thanks Orange, I will do that. They better not show up because if they do and I have any alcohol in me they are going to get told the F off for being rude!! Hahahaha

redjellybean128 · March 2013

I agree with PPs. Your day will still be amazing - even if things happen not exactly as you would like.

A friend and BM of mine, forwarded me this post while i was having a panic attack about wedding stuff a couple of weeks ago. It really puts things in perspective.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anne-almasy/resolution_1_b_2761883.html

The best line is the last part: "If you're planning your wedding right now, please just close the magazine. Log out of Pinterest. And look at the person you want to grow old with. Remind yourself of why you're doing this. And really CELEBRATE when that day comes. Don't stress about your shoes or your cake or your flowers. Don't stress about anything. When it's all over, you will be married, and surrounded by the people who know you and love you most in the whole wide world."

I have referred to this link at least a dozen times since she sent it to me.

Feel better!

blondii428 · March 2013

Right there with you! I had no idea that wedding planning would be so costly, difficult, stressful and full of so many let downs! I think we all have things that we're super bummed about but like the previous poster said, as long as you're married at the end of the day it's been a great wedding. All the other stuff is just fluff. That's what I keep telling myself anyways!

lrobi13 · March 2013

I am not having the same problems but it all is overwhelming. In addition to the planning; the constant prepping is exhusting. I feel like Ms. Carrie Bradshaw in that I don't feel like I have the "bride gene". Don't get me wrong, I want to marry my man but the wedding stuff is for the birds. The PPs are right. We just need to focus on what started us on this path. And the good news for the April Brides is that the end is almost in sight.

Hang in there and I hope you have a lovely wedding/reception no matter what!

Anyone else ending up disappointed with the whole wedding thing? (Pity Party for 1)

Re: Anyone else ending up disappointed with the whole wedding thing? (Pity Party for 1)

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