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Confused!!

aliann25aliann25
First Comment
in Catholic Weddings
My fiance and I are doing things a little backwards.  We are both in the military (He's Navy, I'm Air Force).  He is in Japan until June 2013 and I am deploying next year.  So when he comes home in February we are going to go sign the papers so we are married before my deployment.  When we are both home in the states we plan on having an actually ceremony.  The problem is, his family is very religious.  They are catholic and I am Protestant.  His family wants us to have a big catholic wedding, but we cannot do that unless I am also Catholic.  Also I want my grandmother to marry us so we really can't get married in a catholic church.  How do we compromise so that everyone is happy?
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Re: Confused!!

  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    you can be married in a catholic church as long as one of yoiu is catholic.  you do not both need to be, although you might not be able to have Mass if you arent both catholic.  however, a ceremony withouth Mass is still a valid catholic marriage.

    if your grandmother marries you, then your marriage will not be recognized by the catholic church.  your FI needs to determine if that is important to him or not.  a marriage not recognized means he can no longer participate in the sacraments (i.e., communion).  again, he will need to realize if that is important to him or not.

    you could have a catholic ceremony (or go the grandmother route) in February so that you take care of all religious and legal components at once.  i personally am not a fan of two ceremonies, even in the case of deployments, particularly where you are both going to be together in February for the civil component.  FWIW, i got engaged in July and we were married the following february - full catholic ceremony.  So it IS possible to do that in a short time.
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  • doctabroccolidoctabroccoli member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi Ali -
    Welcome!  As a non-Catholic, you can get married in the Church.  Only one of the parties has to be Catholic.  Of course, your grandmother would not be able to marry you in the Church.  Is she an ordained minister of some sort?  You might be able to find a Catholic Church that would allow her to participate in a wedding ceremony (not a full Mass) as a second officiant.

    That being said, if you and your fiance do not want the Church wedding, then please don't have one!  That decision is up to you, not your families.

    Additionally, since you would be already married, you could only get what's called a convalidation by the Church.  It's basically a vow renewal of sorts where your marriage is officially recognized by the Catholic Church.

    I guess I'm wondering why you can't have your full wedding in February?
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  • doctabroccolidoctabroccoli member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Calypso has faster fingers :).
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  • aliann25aliann25
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    To be completely honest, we never even discussed having the whole wedding in February haha.  This is all new to me.  I'm freaking out.  I'm a college student with two full time jobs trying to plan a wedding while he's gone when I'm also getting ready to leave myself.  I definitely think a wedding in February is possible.

    What does the second officiant mean?

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  • professorscienceprofessorscience member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_confused?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:d619d0e5-5859-44bc-b72e-5d445220a12cPost:33cdbe0c-5571-4973-bb38-65afc213bbc1">Re: Confused!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]To be completely honest, we never even discussed having the whole wedding in February haha.  This is all new to me.  I'm freaking out.  I'm a college student with two full time jobs trying to plan a wedding while he's gone when I'm also getting ready to leave myself.  I definitely think a wedding in February is possible. <strong>What does the second officiant mean?
    </strong>Posted by aliann25[/QUOTE]

    Instead of one person presiding over your wedding ceremony, you would have two.

    I know my church is very accommodating to members of the military who want to wed, so once you and your FI decide what you want, you should talk with your church (or grandmother, whichever route you choose).
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