bridging the past with the future

Re: bridging the past with the future

• Marrin713 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  You're a link to their late son and they don't want to let go of that link.  I don't blame them.  I don't think you need to include them in your wedding as anything but guests.

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• Avion22 member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I was widdowed about 3 and a half years ago.  I wish I could say that my relationship with my former in-laws were as good as yours are.  I haven't spoken to my former MIL and FIL since about a week after his death (it was a suicide, and they blame me for it).  I've been in touch with my former SIL, who is awesome, but it's kind of tense because I don't want her to feel like she's caught between me and her parents, and I know her parents don't approve of her keeping in touch with me.  She congratulated me on my engagement....but still, it's a little weird.
  
  I occasionally get emotional over marrying again.  I'm TERRIFIED of having to say the words "till death do us part."  But overall, my relationship with my fiance has been the biggest step I've taken towards healing from my late husband's death.  He's been incredibly supportive.
  
  As for my in-laws, my former MIL and FIL are pretty much written off.  I don't care what they think about me.  As for my SIL...I'd like for her to still be involved in my life now that I'm getting married, but I think that might put too much strain on her relationship with her parents.  So I guess the ball is in her court.

  

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• hsbstone

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I am also a widow. My husband died in a car accident when our son was just 1 y.o. . I was not close to his family because they live all around Europe and I just got to know three of his sisters that lived in Italy. The older ones was nice, but the youngsters were terrible. They were spoiled old brats which only purpose in life was to get involved in scandals or big spending at my husband's expense. When we got married, he put some boundaries on those and of course they didn't like it, and blamed me. They never wanted any relationship with my son and hate him because he is the only heir of his dad.
  
  But if you have a good relationship with your former in laws, I am sure they will understand that your life must go on, even tought it means a new husband. Talk to them and say that you want to keep them as part of your life. I wish I could do that!!

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• 2dBride member

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  I stayed on good terms with my former in-laws, even though my first marriage ended in divorce rather than death.  And when NotFroofy came along, they welcomed her into the family as well.  Why would you feel the need to wean them off of you because you are remarrying?

  
  Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale

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• jdrose5

  

  April 2011 edited December 2011

  Avion-- I am so sorry for not only your loss but that you were blamed.  My husband's sister blamed me for about a year for my late husband's death.   It was hard but I figured she was in the anger stage of grief and I was an easier target than her brother.  
  
  To the OP, I am a widow as well.  I am not yet engaged but I was lurking because I have a feeling that my BF will be proposing soon.   I have wondered how to deal with late Dh's family.  I agree they lost their son, and our kids and I are a link they have to him.   I guess I have a different view, I will always view them as family, but I wonder how much to include them in my new life.   I don't want to cause them any more hurt.   Maybe invite them and seat them where you would seat friends. 

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