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Reply Cards - where should they go?

rsfeig1981rsfeig1981
10 Comments
in New York-Upstate
Hi All!

My mother and I are having a debate about whose address we should use as the return address for the invitation RSVPs. Although my parents are technically 'hosting' the wedding (ie: our wedding invitations will say "Mr and Mrs XYZ request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter..."), and are paying for much of it, I am doing all of the planning, contracts, guest list management, ect. My mother thinks proper etiquette is for her to receive the replys, but since I'm doing the seating charts, I think they should come directly to me. The fewer stops along the way, the better. What do all of you think?

I know this post may have been more appropriate on the etiquette board, but I felt more comfortable asking my fellow Upstate NY brides first!
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Re: Reply Cards - where should they go?

  • aral2003aral2003 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am in the exact same position.  My parents are hosting and footing most of the bill but I am the primary planner.  We just sent out our invites and used my address for the RSVP.  I am super organized and we figured that this would keep it simpler. 
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  • Kimberly0402Kimberly0402 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    We will be using my mom's address as the RSVP address. While I am doing most of the planning, it is easier for us to have the RSVPs sent to mom.
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  • Hannahbelle1978Hannahbelle1978
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I had them sent to me, for the same reason.....seating chart etc.  Its easier for you to get them and handle it.  I think it would have stressed me out more if they went to my parents house. 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That's a good question and i will be in the same exact position as you when we send out the invitations. I personally would like them to goto my house even though my parents are hosting the wedding. I dont think my mom will care but i guess i will ask her opinion. Would it be weird if you used her address for the return address for the actual invitation envelope but then your address for the reply cards to be sent back? I just thought maybe that would be a way to make both of you happy.
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  • rsfeig1981rsfeig1981
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That is EXACTLY what I was hoping to do, but didn't know if it seemed weird - have her address as the return on the outside envelope but the RSVPs pre-addressed with mine. I just feel like it's one less stop if they come right to me. Thanks, ladies-  keep the advice coming!!
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  • molls332233molls332233 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    etiquette says that the RSVPs should go to the host, so they are getting sent to my parents home since they are hosting. We are having a formal event, so it was important to me to do things with etiquette in mind. if you dont care about proper etiquette , then you can do what you like!

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  • rsfeig1981rsfeig1981
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It's not that I don't care about etiquette necessarily... I think I just care about efficiency and accuracy more. I'm trying to figure out if this particular etiquette rule is one that a) people don't mind breaking or b) really matters all that much, since there are so many of them.

    Thanks for all of the feedback - I'll let you all know what we end up doing! (We still have plenty of time to duke this one out).
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  • TeacherGal10TeacherGal10
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, etiquette is one thing, but if your mom isn't doing the planning, what does she want with the RSVPs? I say go for efficiency and convenience. You need them, so you should receive them. Just my 2 cents :)
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  • rsfeig1981rsfeig1981
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm with you, girl! Can I quote you in my closing arguments to my mother??!!!
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  • garcias1garcias1 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    As someone who thinks etiquette is important, I think you don't have to follow this particular etiquette rule if it's really inconvenient for you.  The purpose of etiquette is to acommodate your guests as best as you can.  Since the envelopes will be pre-addressed, this will not inconvenience you guests at all, and it will save you some headache.  I say have the RSVPs addressed to you.
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