Just some Family Things that are Getting to me

FutureBitner · May 2012

First off I'll start this by briefly explaining my FI family. He has an older brother who is in the marines, a younger sister who got married this past October, and then an even younger half-brother still in jr high. His mom and dad divorced when he was 3 and then his dad passed when he was 10.

I have never felt accepted by FMIL. Also FI agrees that his mom can be a b* and doesn't feel as important as the rest of his siblings. Typical middle child stuff. FMIL has made up stuff about me and told FI; such as I had an issue with one of his gal-friends from high school; I barely know her and have no problem with her. We cleared that up right away. But FMIL has told my FI's paternal grandparents that she has offered to help with the wedding but I turned it down cause it wasn't "up to my standards". That is partly true. She offered her and her friends to cater the wedding. We politely declined stating the fact that we wanted our family and friends to enjoy being guests at our wedding and celebrate with us without having to serve. This is what FMIL had done at FSIL's wedding and the food and service was great. We just want it to be more of a party for all our guests.

Now his brother(the marine) is getting married as well 3 months after us. His fiance is adored by FMIL. Also FBIL has just returned from deployment in Afghan, but won't be able to attend the our wedding since his leave doesn't start until our wedding day. Their (FBIL and his fiance) flight won't get in till midnight after our wedding. My fear is that my FI's family will be so excited about FBIL coming home that our day will take second place. Keep in mind we are very happy that he has made it home safely and we get to see him at our gift opening the next day before we have to leave for our honeymoon.

A little thing that bothers me is that FBIL's fiance has been invited to 2 bridal showers-has not gone to either-not sent a gift-did not send a card- but what really gets me is she hasn't acknowledge anything! No even I'm sorry I can't make it message. That's all I really wanted. We kept our wedding small refusing to invite people just to get some good gifts like FI's family suggested, so the gift is not the issue; its the lack of acknowledgement.

Phew! I think that about covers it for now...thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

max&lucy · May 2012

*ugh* Sorry you are going through this. Just try to put it out of your mind and enjoy your day!

kitkatbubblicious · May 2012

Yeah, just try not to think about it, even though it's hard to. Just try to remember on the big day, it's all about you and him, don't pay attention to anyone else. Just focus on each other, and the drama can come another day

LilyWater09 · May 2012

Me personally, if she cooks great food and the brother wont be there, I would ask FMIL to plan a next day brunch BBQ for family for a post-celebration and homecoming.

Also I would confront her directly with him. I would state all that she has done, how it made me feel, and then ask her to help me understand why she has done these things. I always feel better when I know someones motivation, even if I do not like what they have to say, at least I know.

S0095042 · May 2012

she sounds like my FMIL -- don't let it get to you. My FI is also the middle child with big and little bro. in the military -- my guy decided to do something else. We've been together a LONG time and it still hasn't changed. I think the best you can do is ignor her and let your FI handle it. Push come to shove you guys DON'T HAVE TO see her...but that's something your FI will have to decide.

Fi's big bro is getting married this Aug. so I get the close wedding dates and the FMIL completely adores her too -- but we have a good relationship, so I guess that part doesn't get to me too much. Anyways, hello life twin!

S0095042 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_just-some-family-things-that-are-getting-to-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:ea2d09b0-34a4-425a-b712-00cf5c6570c4Post:7b989a9c-bb2c-4dc9-ab59-9cd123c60dd8">Re: Just some Family Things that are Getting to me</a>:
[QUOTE]Also I would confront her directly with him. I would state all that she has done, how it made me feel, and then ask her to help me understand why she has done these things.
Posted by LilyWater09[/QUOTE]

Careful with this -- if she's anything like mine, you'll end up looking like the b!tch or she'll turn it around on you. Just be careful.

[Deleted User] · May 2012

It's really too bad when you can't count on family to get on board and make sure this is your special day. All I can do is encourage you to focus on your FI and those who are genuinely happy for you. Try to put this drama out of your mind and enjoy the day.

mandi921vh · May 2012

That sucks that his family is behaving this way. I would just focus on your wedding day and not worry about others.

FutureBitner · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_just-some-family-things-that-are-getting-to-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:ea2d09b0-34a4-425a-b712-00cf5c6570c4Post:7b989a9c-bb2c-4dc9-ab59-9cd123c60dd8">Re: Just some Family Things that are Getting to me</a>:
[QUOTE]Me personally, if she cooks great food and the brother wont be there, I would ask FMIL to plan a next day brunch BBQ for family for a post-celebration and homecoming. Also I would confront her directly with him. I would state all that she has done, how it made me feel, and then ask her to help me understand why she has done these things. I always feel better when I know someones motivation, even if I do not like what they have to say, at least I know.
Posted by LilyWater09[/QUOTE]

We have already asked her to host the gift opening brunch for our close family with FBIL will be at, so it will kinda be a combined thing. She is also already doing our wedding cake for us. With that she makes it before hand and then our caterer will cut and serve it so she can enjoy the reception.

I won't be confronting her anytime soon. She is the type to twist words to fit her meaning and turn everything around so you end up being the bad guy. Maybe someday I will find the courage to though.

Thank y'all for your support! It means a lot <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

FutureBitner · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_may-2012-weddings_just-some-family-things-that-are-getting-to-me?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:f0ca0bc1-9255-4120-8042-b40e7f3e99c5Discussion:ea2d09b0-34a4-425a-b712-00cf5c6570c4Post:243d08a5-5739-4553-8fbc-b8a88b73552b">Re: Just some Family Things that are Getting to me</a>:
[QUOTE]she sounds like my FMIL -- don't let it get to you. My FI is also the middle child with big and little bro. in the military -- my guy decided to do something else. We've been together a LONG time and it still hasn't changed. I think the best you can do is ignor her and let your FI handle it. Push come to shove you guys DON'T HAVE TO see her...but that's something your FI will have to decide. Fi's big bro is getting married this Aug. so I get the close wedding dates and the FMIL completely adores her too -- but we have a good relationship, so I guess that part doesn't get to me too much. Anyways, hello life twin!
Posted by S0095042[/QUOTE]

We live 10 hours from her so that does help!

We do sound like we have a lot in common family and wedding date wise at least!

Just some Family Things that are Getting to me

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