I don't normally post on this board, but it seemed the most appropriate. The more I think about it, this may be more of a vent than a request for advice. I'll try to stick to the basics.
I got engaged last September; by late Oct/early Nov, I had asked 3 friends to be bridesmaids for my June 2012 wedding. One is a 10-yr friend from college and the other two are 5-yr friends from a former job. I was most recently in Vermont (now in Canada until the wedding), and the 3 girls live in Texas and Florida. Because we were so spread out, I knew that some of the more typical wedding things weren't going to happen; dress shopping, cake tasting, wedding shower, bachelorette party, etc.
None of them made a big deal about paying to fly to Canada for the wedding, but I told them right away that I'd rather have them there than not, so I'd pay for their dress and shoes, pick them up from/take them to the airport, and let them stay with me. They just needed a plane ticket. Most of my family is not coming due to the travel aspect, so I really wanted these close friends there with me.
Ordering dresses was a nightmare and took months due to them dragging their heels. Now, I've been emailing them to ask for their flight information, plans for hair/makeup on the wedding day, etc. No response. Let me say at this point that my mother lives in CA and my future mother in law lives in Lebanon (the country), so I've been doing all of the planning on my own, and when I send emails to the bridesmaids with updates (here's the venue, here's the caterer/baker), I get no response. I don't need oohs and aahs; I'm really just looking for acknowledgement that they are getting my emails, and maybe advice. Two of these girls are veteran BM’s and I wanted their ideas/opinions.
Here we are about 5 weeks from the wedding. One bridesmaid has purchased a plane ticket and RSVP'd with her meal choice. She also responds to my emails, briefly but when she can. So she's good to go. The other two are MIA.
FL BM called a few months ago saying tickets from Miami to Montreal were $400 round trip, should she buy them? I said yes, that is an amazing deal! She did not. Fast forward to last week, she still has no ticket, but she did buy a ticket to the Bahamas for a wedding two weeks before mine (this friend became engaged after I asked her to be in my wedding), and she has also purchased a ticket to Colombia (the country) for a cousin’s wedding later in the summer. She did RSVP to me with a meal choice, but I don't take that as a definite yes.
TX BM#2 has not responded to any of my communication in the last 5 weeks. I've emailed 5 times in the last month and called her twice last week and received no response. She hasn't RSVP'd and the last time I spoke to her on the phone in March, she had not purchased a ticket yet. She was just finishing her MBA, so I understood that she had been busy. She said that when she graduated in March, she’d have more time to figure out her plans. I put out an APB on Facebook and a couple friends said they exchanged text messages with her last week. That lead me to believe she is ignoring me. She has a Blackberry, so I know her emails are literally at her fingertips. My most recent email was more or less a blunt, “Are you coming? I haven’t heard from you and I’m worried something’s wrong.” Now every time I check email and there’s no response, it saddens me more.
I know that as we get closer to the date, the more expensive plane tickets will be. I'm afraid that either I'll never hear from them, or they'll say that now tickets are too much and they can't afford to come. My mother keeps saying that I should find someone else to fill in, which is utterly ridiculous. Not that I would replace them, but how would anyone be able to get a dress and shoes so quickly? The shear logistics make it almost impossible, not to mention rude all around.
So I’m wondering; if this were you, when would you assume they are not coming? I guess I’m mostly hurt by their actions, and I don’t feel I’m being a bridezilla; all I am asking them to do is show up! I apologize this is so stupidly long, but just needed to tell someone and hopefully someone can give me a good pep talk. Thanks.