Moms and Maids

MOH trouble

I’m venting about my MOH and wandering if I should confront her or chill out. Let me know you think I’m being a bridezilla…The wedding is in two months in Alaska- she has yet to buy her plane ticket.Her dress is too small- she is ‘planning’ on losing weight in two months. Or getting the dress altered- but how do you alter a dress when it’s too small? Alterations normally occur when something is too big; you can’t add fabric that’s not already there.She has made no plans for the Bacherlette party, which she offered to host. When I asked her to send out invites the first week of May (most folks are out-of-towners and expressed they wanted a schedule/plan of wedding events), she didn’t do it, and has yet to do it. What should I do?

Re: MOH trouble

  • edited December 2011
    Oh my....Im going to warn you right now, you will get flamed for this one. Im staying out of it.
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  • edited December 2011
    Maybe you should have a sit down with her and explain your disappoint and feelings about what has already taken place and then lay out what your expectations are for future things. Obviously do it in a nice mannner. Don't get accusatory and over emotional. Just talk. If she can't handle the tasks or responsibilities of it then maybe she should step aside for someone else to take MOH role.

    Btw... you can let a dress out when it is too small. Of course you don't have a ton of fabric to work with but if it is too tight and needs to be let out some then that should work... as long as she doesn't need 2 or 3 sizes bigger.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-trouble-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:c4ce1f88-2b22-4d00-835a-6fcd7deaeb4cPost:26293103-8e42-4e03-99f6-e61166e88c55">MOH trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]I’m venting about my MOH and wandering if I should confront her or chill out. Let me know you think I’m being a bridezilla… The wedding is in two months in Alaska- she has yet to buy her plane ticket. Her dress is too small- she is ‘planning’ on losing weight in two months. Or getting the dress altered- but how do you alter a dress when it’s too small? Alterations normally occur when something is too big; you can’t add fabric that’s not already there. She has made no plans for the Bacherlette party, which she offered to host. When I asked her to send out invites the first week of May (most folks are out-of-towners and expressed they wanted a schedule/plan of wedding events), she didn’t do it, and has yet to do it.   What should I do?
    Posted by mountaingirl18[/QUOTE]
  • trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh my dear.  You need to stop micromanaging your friend.  If she doesn't get a plane ticket now, she'll have to pay top dollar for her ticket later.  But it's not your call whether she gets her ticket now or later.

    As pp has said, of course you can alter a dress to make it bigger.  A competent seamstress will have plenty of suggestions for her.  And again, if she doesn't do it now, and doesn't lose the weight, she'll be paying top dollar for alterations.

    Perhaps her circumstances have changed since she offered to host the b-party.  Between buying a plane ticket to Alaska, alterations for a dress, lodging for the wedding, and other ancillary costs, she no longer has the means to host a party.

    And I hope that the part about sending out the invites the first week of May wasn't that you're expecting her to do your wedding invitations.  It's not her job.  It's not her responsibility.  Your wedding....you send out your own invitations.

    You don't have MOH trouble.  You have "Expectations for your MOH trouble".  The trouble is more on your end than hers.

    But good luck to you.  I traveled to Alaska 3 years ago, and loved every minute of our 2 weeks there.


    It would be nice if she told you that, but the reality is that she doesn't HAVE to throw you a b-party.  Prewedding parties are a gift, not a birthright.  If you don't have one, you don't have one.  It may be a disappointment, but it won't at all  change the fact that this is really about getting married, and prewedding festivities are icing on the cake.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • phunluvin82phunluvin82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As far as the bach party, I would maybe quietly ask another BM if she might be willing to help with invites so that people who want to come but need the info ASAP will have it.  As far as the dress, I really wouldn't worry about it.  It can be let out a little bit if necessary...but either way, that is her responsibility as a big girl to make sure she has a wearable dress.  Lastly, for the plane tickets, this is something that I would just talk to her about nicely and just say that you are concerned about prices going up or something if she waits too long and you just want to be 100% sure that she will be able to be at the wedding.  Again, though, assuming that she is a grown-up, then really you can't dictate when or how she will make her flight arrangements.  At a certain point, you just have to trust her to get it done...it can be hard to do, we have a GM that is now driving almost 1000 miles b/c he never booked a flight and now can't afford a flight.  If it had turned out that he couldn't make it, that would really suck, but you can't always control other people's actions...and at the end of the day, we'd still be having our wedding with or without him!  I think you need to keep your eye on the bigger picture and worry about only the things that you can control.
  • phunluvin82phunluvin82 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    p.s...I just saw PP also.  I was assuming you were talking about inviting people to the bach party that she offered to host.  If it was wedding invites that you meant, you definitely need to send those out yourself!  I'm all for delegating little tasks to willing BMs, but wedding invites is not one of those tasks!
  • edited December 2011
    no no no... invites I sent out months ago for the wedding- I'm talking about the invites for the b party, which she offered to host.
  • edited December 2011
    Trix is right...as fabulous as it would be to rule the world, there is only so much we can control.  You will have a much better time as your wedding approaches if you let go of other peoples behaviors. 

    Good luck!  And by the way...I know for SURE that the world would run a LOT better if I was in charge!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-trouble-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:c4ce1f88-2b22-4d00-835a-6fcd7deaeb4cPost:46dc1d7d-3b3d-4f72-988d-2c27f84717a4">Re: MOH trouble</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Maybe you should have a sit down with her and explain your disappoint and feelings about what has already taken place and then lay out what your expectations are for future things. Obviously do it in a nice mannner. Don't get accusatory and over emotional. Just talk. If she can't handle the tasks or responsibilities of it then maybe she should step aside for someone else to take MOH role</strong>. Btw... you can let a dress out when it is too small. Of course you don't have a ton of fabric to work with but if it is too tight and needs to be let out some then that should work... as long as she doesn't need 2 or 3 sizes bigger.
    Posted by 4LeafClover3[/QUOTE]

    <font color="#800080"><u><em><strong>Please don't do this</strong></em></u></font>.  A BM/MOH only needs to get the dress and come to the wedding.  If she chooses to get it altered because she didn't lose the weight, let her worry about that.  If she has to pay top dollar for her plane ticket, let her worry about that. 
    LilySlim Weight loss tickers
  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Spell check is your friend.  It's the checkmark down by the smiley face.
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