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Need tips for tipping!!

Dolphin691Dolphin691
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Help!  I am the worst at trying to figure out who to tip and how much I should be tipping on the day of our wedding.  Can anyone help??

We are having a catholic ceremony.  Do I tip the Priest AND the Deacon AND any alter servers (AND anyone else I missed)?? 

Also, do I tip my vendors (photographer, limo driver, florist delivery person, videographer, DJ, etc)?

And do I tip the Maitre D extra even if our per head includes gratuities (and are there any others I should tip separately at the reception)?

Did I miss anyone/leave anyone out??

And with all these people,  what are the going rates that I should be tipping? 

Thanks in advance for the advise!


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Re: Need tips for tipping!!

  • arendivaarendiva member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 5 Love Its
    I'm not religious but I'm pretty sure you don't "tip" the priest or alter boys. Most likely your donation to the church fills that role.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-tips-for-tipping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67517660-c32b-4e8e-8225-1330422031c6Post:2d63b080-fb85-424a-856a-8d1d09180ed7">Re: Need tips for tipping!!</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not religious but I'm pretty sure you don't "tip" the priest or alter boys. Most likely your donation to the church fills that role.
    Posted by arendiva[/QUOTE]

    This.

    I didn't tip anyone at the wedding (I know, gasp, I am horrible).  But I just didn't feel that anyone really deserved anything beyond what they were getting paid already.  No one, I felt offered exemplary service to deserve a tip.

    Did everything go smoothly and did all vendors show up and do what they were suppose to do?  Yes.  But did any of them do anything more then what was contracted?  Or were any of them amazingly better then what was expected?  No.

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  • Meegles4Meegles4 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited September 2012
    Some people do tip the priest...I wouldn't do the deacon and altar servers. Typically if there's a fee involved to get married at the church, that fee goes to the church and the priest might not see any of it. So, it's certainly nice to give the priest a little something extra if you feel he did a fabulous job.

    That being said, we didn't tip the priest. The fee for my church was $500 (and I was a member), so I felt less inclined to tip the priest specifically. However, I do regret that a little now.
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  • daria24daria24 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Usually you give the priest/deacon a donation for the church. And yes, you tip the altar servers, as their service is almost always volunteered, not paid (unless your family members or friends are serving as the altar servers, then a small gift is appropriate.) My family has always given each server $20. 

    I tipped the DJ (who didn't own the company), the hair & makeup artists, and the catering staff, as gratuity was not included in my contract. The flowers and cake were delivered by the shop owners, who received the full amount of my payment, so I did not tip them. Had another employee delivered the items, I would have given them $20 or so as a tip.
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  • xxstardustxxstardust member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    When I was an altar server, we got $20/wedding - it wasn't a "tip", but couples getting married were informed that it was expected at the same time they were told about the church's honorarium, the organist fee, etc. And this was 10-15 years ago.
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  • stantokmstantokm member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    We're getting married in the Catholic Church (though not with a Nuptial Mass).  The parish where we're marrying requires a $200 or $400 fee (depending on whether you're a member of the parish); fees for the organist and a vocalist if you're using one from the church.  I don't know that we'll be paying our officiant (he's a friend), but I'm sure that we'll be paying for his hotel room and giving him some sort of gift besides as a thank you.

    Also, altar servers should be tipped.  They are church volunteers, yes, but this is YOUR event, not a Sunday Mass, and they are taking time out of their Saturday to work for you.  They get there at least 15 minutes before your wedding starts and stay until the end--which can be close to two hours.  I wouldn't tip the organist/vocalist because they are charging a fee--the alter servers aren't.
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  • stantokmstantokm member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I should add that the church that we're getting married in charges a separate fee for altar servers--so I wouldn't tip them if that was the case.  But I know that not all churches charge fees for altar servers; my brother was an altar server for almost 10 years and the only money that he ever received was tips for serving at weddings or funerals.

    Ask your priest what is covered with whatever fee that you're paying, to be sure.
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