Annoying Situation

FutureMrsHunt27 · September 2010

Hi Ladies! Congrats to you all! So I have an interesting situation. My FI's Best Man has been his Best Friend since they were kids. Well his best mans GF is still best friends with my FI's EX. Anyways, we never see his BM's GF because she just chooses to not come around and we don't go to any gatherings in which she is hosting because her friend is always invited. Anyways, I am dreading having her at our Wedding, Showers, etc. because I know she will be the news reporter to her friend about every detail. I guess I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. Anyways, I was reading the board about rehearsal dinner and it looks like we would be obligated to invite his BM'sSO right? Ugh. I was hoping she would only have to be at the wedding and not included in any other events surrounding the wedding but I guess since she is the best mans SO she comes along to anything he is included in right? What about seating is it rude to put her at like a singles table? I mean she is not a part of the wedding party so she won't be at the main table. I just really don't even know where to sit this girl. I just wish she didn't have to go at all!

banana468 · September 2010

When it comes to the RD, she absolutely needs to be invited.

And when it comes to seating your WP, they should be seated WITH their SOs. Absolutely do not split them up from their partners. It's really rude to do so.

And plus, if you do that, she'll have ammo for her roommate on how she was treated poorly and she'll be right.

FutureMrsHunt27 · September 2010

So how would I arrange that? We just booked our Venue so we are planning the tables and who will be where. I had planned on the Wedding Party sitting up front with my FI and I but I wouldn't want the wedding parties SO others up there too. So should the wedding party not sit at the front with my FI and I? Should they have there own table with there SO?

As for the RD I know your right banana thanks!

banana468 · September 2010

The WP can either sit with you at the head table or you should seat the WP away from you and with their SOs. Another option is a sweetheart table and then a table for the WP and their dates. You have tons of options there but splitting the WP from their dates is not one of them.

heyimbren · September 2010

Banana's given you some really good advice for both questions.

The sweetheart table is a really good idea, since it'll allow you time alone with your H which you may not have a lot of during the craziness of the day.

Be polite to this girl. She may be FI's ex, but it really isn't a huge deal. At the end of the day YOU'RE the one marrying him, not his ex. Keep it in perspective and relax a little- it'll make everything easier for you.

frenchy730 · September 2010

Yes she should absolutely be invited. No matter how awkward the situation or how much you dislike her, it would be rude towards the best man to not allow his girlfriend (that he obviously cares a lot about) to be there with him.

And she should also not be split up from him at the reception, either. Either have a sweet-hearts table, or seat her at the head table with her date. There are plenty of options.

I don't think she would need to be invited to a shower. They are usually for close friends and family, of which she is neither.

Be the bigger person and don't worry about it. Smile at her and be kind. Give her no reason to "report" anything bad about you to anyone else. You can live with her precence for a day or two. You won't even spend that much time talking or hanging out with her.

FutureMrsHunt27 · September 2010

Thank you everyone for your advice! I never thought about just having my FI and I at a table alone and the WP at there own table with there SO. I will have to figure it out. You're right frenchy I do need to just be the bigger person.

trix1223 · September 2010

Mrs. Hunt: both my son and DIL and my DD and SIL had sweetheart tables, and they loved them, for several reasons.

First was that they got to spend some time together during a reception in which they were being pulled in a million different directions. Granted it was probably only about 15 minutes, but it was a precious 15 minutes.

Second: it allowed their WP to sit with people with whom they could have a good time.

Google Sweetheart Tables. You'll see examples, and I think you'll be surprised about how common they've become, and with good reason. GL

Ticosparents · September 2010

?

I've never head of having WP's SO's having the need to seat together with them throughout the reception. So far, I have intention of having a head table with just the BM's and GMs and FI and myself; and their SO's on another table. All of the weddings I've been to in the past two years were like that. I may opt for a sweetheart table as well, and have the WP and their SO's in a nearby table, but it's an option.

trix1223 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_annoying-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:32Discussion:4a82d534-4165-4341-bd26-57fb4105fb0aPost:68abefbd-3525-40c3-8c13-3058b3ea93e5">Re: Annoying Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]? I've never head of having WP's SO's having the need to seat together with them throughout the reception. So far, I have intention of having a head table with just the BM's and GMs and FI and myself; and their SO's on another table. All of the weddings I've been to in the past two years were like that. I may opt for a sweetheart table as well, and have the WP and their SO's in a nearby table, but it's an option.
Posted by Ticosparents[/QUOTE]

My questions:

Why? Why would you want to separate the BM and GM from their SOs when you don't have to? Why do you need a head table? Why does your WP have to be "on display" at the reception when their role is during the ceremony?

If you can give me a SINGLE good reason to have a head table with just the WP, (and "because that's what I've always seen") isn't a good reason, then I might understand.

Please really think about this. If you were in a WP, would you enjoy yourself more sitiing on a raised dais having people watch you eat, or would you enjoy yourself more seated with your SO and others and enjoying the party?

marissa_claire · September 2010

Yeah just don't invite her to anything but the RD and wedding. She really doesn't need to come to the other stuff unless she is actually your friend.

loop0406 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_annoying-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4a82d534-4165-4341-bd26-57fb4105fb0aPost:9216d9bf-fa40-40c8-9fe5-bf74d997391d">Re: Annoying Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]So how would I arrange that? We just booked our Venue so we are planning the tables and who will be where. I had planned on the Wedding Party sitting up front with my FI and I but I wouldn't want the wedding parties SO others up there too. S<strong>o should the wedding party not sit at the front with my FI and I? Should they have there own table with there SO</strong>? As for the RD I know your right banana thanks! =)
Posted by FutureMrsHunt27[/QUOTE]

yeah, they should sit with their SO.

I wouldn't invite her to the shower.

awick14 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_pre-wedding-parties_annoying-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:32Discussion:4a82d534-4165-4341-bd26-57fb4105fb0aPost:68abefbd-3525-40c3-8c13-3058b3ea93e5">Re: Annoying Situation</a>:
[QUOTE]? I've never head of having WP's SO's having the need to seat together with them throughout the reception. So far, I have intention of having a head table with just the BM's and GMs and FI and myself; and their SO's on another table. All of the weddings I've been to in the past two years were like that. I may opt for a sweetheart table as well, and have the WP and their SO's in a nearby table, but it's an option.
Posted by Ticosparents[/QUOTE]

I am doing the same thing at my wedding. I have do not want to have the SO of the WP at the head table. They will be placed among our friends, whom they all already know and get along with.

kathrynhabibti · September 2010

[QUOTE]I think "every wedding I've been to had a head table" is by far the LAMEST reasoning to do one. Ever.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
omg, and this thread was doing so well too - I had this crazy idea that maybe we could get through it just once without "every wedding I've been to has had one".

kathrynhabibti · September 2010

[QUOTE]? I've never head of having WP's SO's having the need to seat together with them throughout the reception. So far, I have intention of having a head table with just the BM's and GMs and FI and myself; and their SO's on another table. All of the weddings I've been to in the past two years were like that. I may opt for a sweetheart table as well, and have the WP and their SO's in a nearby table, but it's an option.
Posted by Ticosparents[/QUOTE]
Ticos, between the two, please do opt for the sweetheart table - I can practically guarantee that your WP will prefer to sit with their SOs, even if they don't come out and tell you. Plus seating them together is just the gracious, polite thing to do as the host of the thank-you party for your guests.

Ticosparents · September 2010

I may go for the sweetheart table because I have a small, intimate wedding of 75 people who knows each other, so a sweetheart table will be appropriate.

But even if I had a large party, and there is a head table, I would NOT make the SO's sit in the head table with the WP just because. One reason is that we chose our WP because they are our closest friends and relatives. As for me, it's a not a matter of "display", but a matter of honoring your WP (who have been there for you), during one of the highlights of your lives. While we get along with their SO's, I would never put them in the spotlight because there are other relatives and friends (MOG, FOB, RB and FG, etc.) that would be best to be in that table.

And if I have a large party, and I was to have a head table, and the SO's in another table; I would assume that they are adult enough to go to a party where they can entertain and enjoy themselves, socialize and converse with the rest of the guests in that same table they were in? If not, how do they manage to go to other parties where they only know the host? Besides, being in the head table does not mean that the WP have to be there for the the entire night, but probably during the toasts and the dinner.  Throughout the night, the guests shuffle, move around, socialize and enjoy themselves.  If we (WP and the rest of the party) just stay in their seats the entire night, that sounds and makes for a stuffy party.


If someone can give a more intelligent, mature reasoning to add SO's to the head table, please do so.  Since calling it lame by someone who's had 13K posts because someone else who's had 125 posts said "it's what I've seen before" does not do it. I'm here because I have a wedding to prepare and I need to know the who, what, when and how of wedding preparation. If you can't add something useful to the thread or don't agree to what I think and know, please at least help me out to understand why things are or are not generally acceptable.

Thanks,

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