Not sure if I should continue wedding plans...plz help.

writerunner · February 2010

My brother is in ICU at the hospital for the last ten days. No improvement. We are devastated. It doesn't look good. He's 33 yrs. old, on a ventilator, with major organs shutting down.

I don't know if I can go on. I don't know what to do. My wedding is in May. Do people get married when tragedy strikes? Do I continue planning? I can't get back deposits already paid.

bbyckes · February 2010

I'm sorry you and your family are going through this. You should go on with the wedding. Take however long a break you need, but as cliche as it sounds, I'm sure your brother wouldn't want you to put things on hold.

I hope you have comfort soon.

LesPaul · February 2010

I'm so sorry for your situation. This is very difficult for your whole family. But I think you should proceed with your wedding plans; May is still three months off. And yes, people do still get married when tragedy strikes - I think it actually makes the celebrations more meaningful, as we are reminded how important we are to each other.

trix1223 · February 2010

write runner, first let me say that I'm so sorry about your brother and the pain you and your family must be going through.

Last Memorial Day, my mom had a heart attack, and things didn't look good at all. My niece was getting married the following Saturday, and my DD was getting married 6 weeks later.

Both my sister and I went on with plans. Long story short, my mom died shortly after. In fact, my niece and DD's weddings were exactly 6 weeks apart. My mom died three weeks to the day after niece's wedding, and 3 weeks to the day before my DD's.

My DD particularly adored her grandma and was crushed that she wouldn't see her get married. It was tough. The thing that I do know is that my mom would never, ever, ever have wanted to intrude on my DDs happiness, and would have been distraught to think that she was the cause of postponing.

So the morning of the wedding, DD and I had our one meltdown of the day because grandma wasn't with us. And then we went on and celebrated a beautiful day, knowing that grandma was watching over her from a different place.

I don't know you brother. But you do. And it's a heart-wrenching decision you and your FI are facing. What do you think he'd say to you if you were to talk with him about this? Would he tell you that you should not at all delay things? Or would he want you to wait until you were a little less distraught?

You'll be in my prayers as will your beloved brother. I so completely know what you're feeling.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2010

I am so sorry about your brother.

I wouldn't cancel anything now, but put thoughts of the wedding on the back burner for the next few weeks.

You and your family might want something positive to look forward to and to help you keep going after this. So the wedding might actually be really beneficial. However, only you can make that decision.

kmurr010 · February 2010

I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I agree that you should continue planning, even though it feels almost impossible right now. Like someone said, this may make the celebration more meaningful. You have to do what is right for you and your family though. My thoughts are with ya'll.

mocha beans · February 2010

I'm sorry you're going through this at all, especially during wedding planning.

While none of us can tell you what to do, my suggestion would be to continue with the plans as scheduled. Would your brother want you to put your life on hold after he's gone? I would definately plan on honoring him at the ceremony, for sure.

redheadfsu · February 2010

I'm so sorry about your brother.

I think you should not think about the wedding for a few weeks to a full month. Then tackle this decision. I also think you should keep the date, it could bring the family together to celebrate how important everyone is. Only you can make this hard decision. You are in my thoughts.

banana468 · February 2010

I am so sorry you are going through this.

For now, I wouldn't think about wedding planning but that doesn't mean I'd necessarily postpone either. Just focus on the family situation at hand for the moment.

I don't think it would be bad to be married in May though. As others have said, this could be a positive thing after something so sad.

squirrly · February 2010

I'm so sorry this is something you're dealing with. But, take a tiny step back for a few moments and think - do you want to be married to your FI? If so, then you continue as planned. If THAT is in question, then you have something to really consider.

Tragedy and loss are unfortunate realities. But they should not prevent you from pledging the rest of your life to the man that you love, with your family and friends by your side.

I suspect that in a few weeks, it may be easier to picture yourself getting married as planned. So, for now, do the minimum of what needs to be done to stay on schedule, and worry about the rest of it when you've had a little time.

Brie2010 · February 2010

I am so sorry to hear about this.

I don't have anything new or exciting to add, because I think Trix said it perfectly. I will be thinking of you.

lpstl · February 2010

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. I've been there, and while it wasn't right before my wedding, I don't think I would have changed what I did if it had been.

My father had multiple health issues and was in the ICU twice with less than a 20% chance of recovery both times. My families initial reaction was sheer devastation, we were obviously extremely upset seeing him on the ventilator, and no one could hold it together while in the hospital room.

A wonderful nurse because our angel, she came in the room and told us in spite of what the doctors were telling us, we had to have hope, and we needed to talk to him, encourage him to pull through, and surround him with positive words and love. We started doing this and sat with him virtually 24/7, telling him he could fight through this, telling stories of our favorite memories and hopes for the future. As we did this we literally watched his vitals improve, his organs bounce back, and he walked out of the hospital both times, astounding his doctors.

I don't know what your brother's health situation is, or what odds the drs have told you. But, if they have told you there is even a 1% chance of him pulling through, the best thing you can do right now is exactly what that nurse had us do.

When you know what the outcome is going to be, then make your decision about your wedding.

pjseabee · February 2010

I'm reminded of a friend whose brother died a few months before her wedding... Both situations are heartbreaking, and I'm so sorry you're going through it. My friend and her mom had a horrific time dealing with his death, but in the end she got married on schedule, because he never would have wanted to see it postponed (life is too short, right?) and it gave them both something to focus on and work towards to help them move on.

Thoughts & prayers coming your way...

pandasquishy · February 2010

I am so sorry to hear about your brother. I don't have anything special to add, but I agree with every one else.

writerunner · February 2010

Thank you Ladies for all of your thoughts. I knew I couldn't be the only one who has had this happen. I knew someone out there would respond and you didn't let me down.

Facing death straight on like this...is so frightening! Today I really wanted, really needed some distraction. I worked on some wedding planning just to feel like I was living. LIVING has taken on a whole new meaning. FAMILY has new meaning as well. Precious.

saxy414 · February 2010

Everyone has said the same things I would say, so I don't have anything to add. My thoughts and prayers are with you, I'm so sorry.

lizstill13 · February 2010

First let me say how sorry I am to hear that you are going through this. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.

I agree with PP who said that you should put your wedding thoughts/plans on the back burner for a while and just be with your family. You still have plenty of time to plan your wedding (even thought it probably doesn't feel like it) and make it happen in May. I would still go ahead with your original date. I really think it will bring your family closer together and make a joyous celebration of life.

kkrissel · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-should-continue-wedding-plansplz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ae9674ef-743f-4beb-a46e-86f313a11beaPost:93f440ce-f97b-467f-8430-e0f76268f698">Re: Not sure if I should continue wedding plans...plz help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I am so sorry to hear about this. I don't have anything new or exciting to add, because I think Trix said it perfectly. I will be thinking of you.
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

<div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#993366">Me too. I am so sorry you are going through this.</font></div>

Barakins · February 2010

*hugs*

I thought you might need one, and you can check this post back any time you feel like you need a hug, it will always be waiting for you.

Yes, do go on with your plans.... visit with your brother and keep him updated... so not only will he still feel like a part of everything, but he will get the added benefit of having his loving sister next to him often.

I went to a wedding several years ago where the groom's mother and sister had been in a horrible accident the month before. His sister, only 14, died in that accident. To honor her, the couple put a "In Memory Of" on the programs.

Your brother can be a part of your wedding, regardless of what happens. He won't want to be the cause of you postponing your wedding, but I'm sure he'd love to be the center of your love right now.

chrisnjay2010 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_not-sure-should-continue-wedding-plansplz?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:ae9674ef-743f-4beb-a46e-86f313a11beaPost:614e7080-60e6-43e2-b438-98d02b41d614">Re: Not sure if I should continue wedding plans...plz help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm so sorry for your situation. This is very difficult for your whole family. But I think you should proceed with your wedding plans; May is still three months off. And yes, people do still get married when tragedy strikes - I think it actually makes the celebrations more meaningful, as we are reminded how important we are to each other.
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

ditto this. I'm so sorry this is happening. Lots of prayers are headed your way

526SadieSadie · February 2010

Allow me to add my feelings of sorrow for you. I can't imagine what you're going through. Be strong for your brother. Go on with your plans and light a special candle for him during the ceremony and carry it over to the reception. Leave one seat empty for him. In this life, things happen at the worst times. The strongest people find it within themselves to carry on. If you're truly thinking about cancelling, perhaps there is a person you trust that you can go to for advice? A religious leader or counselor? Someone outside the family that can listen and advise with a clear head. Maybe you could scale back your plans for the day in May? Talk to your vendors. Business is business, but everyone has a familly at home. If I were a florist/DJ/whoever and a bride came to me with this going on in her life, I'd refund in a heartbeat. It's not like you'd be cancelling for a stupid reason. Again, I'm so sorry.

Not sure if I should continue wedding plans...plz help.

Re: Not sure if I should continue wedding plans...plz help.

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