Wedding Etiquette Forum

Wording for Donation Cards

My fiance and I are doing a donation card in honor of his father, who passed away from cancer. This is in addition to a little chocolate favor. The way the donation is working (as we have discussed it) is that for each guest, a dollar is donated to the charity of our chose--so the total amount we donate is the total number of guests we have.

How would I word this in a little card that each guest can have?

Re: Wording for Donation Cards

  • I am sorry for the loss of your FI's dad.

    Typically it is advised against doing a donation as a favor for various reasons (guests will donate on their own if they wish to, donations should be a private matter, they shouldn't be affiliated with your wedding, etc). 

    There are several ways you could honor your FI's father at the wedding that are appropriate.  Those could include things like a special remembrance section in your program or  a memorial candle. 

    My H lost his father before we were married, and a relative made a handkerchief with a photo of him and his father.  H carried that in his jacket pocket so that it would be close to his heart....you could do something like this as well.
  • Megan+AdamMegan+Adam member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2012
    I really wouldn't do donation cards even for something as worthwhile as fighting cancer, because even if it's for a cause that people pretty much unanimously support they may not support the organization that you pick.

    Example: I am all for raising money to fight breast cancer, but after that planned parenthood defunding debacle I no longer support the Susan G Komen Foundation and wouldn't want a donation made to them in my name. 

    I've seen people put a charity on their registry to give people the option of donating to a cause that is important to the B&G, I think that might be the better route to take here if you want to try to raise money for a charity. 
  • I agree with the pp.  My father is also deceased.  I put a picture of him in a locket and attached it to my bouquet.  We also made a toast to him at the wedding.  There are other ways to honor your loved ones who are no longer with you.
  • I am getting the idea from a friend's wedding. Her husbands father had passed away as well, and they did the donation cards in leui of a favor, which is where we got the idea.
    rzengou
  • Just because someone else did it doesn't mean you should too.  It is very possible others were not comfortable with your friend's donation but would never say so to her face.

    Additionally, it is rude to point out to people what they aren't getting.  No one has to have favors, but it is in poor taste to say "Well you could have had a favor, but I decided to take that money and look like a saint by donating in your name to a charity you may not support".  I wouldn't miss the favors if you didn't have them, but I don't want you rubbing it in my face that I could have had them.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wording-for-donation-cards?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:84d0d075-8408-49df-99eb-5d3bb7b6ea21Post:7e15c4d1-c0c1-4880-a3fc-2195a6820529">Re: Wording for Donation Cards</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am getting the idea from a friend's wedding. Her husbands father had passed away as well, and they did the donation cards in leui of a favor, which is where we got the idea.
    Posted by texacochick2011[/QUOTE]

    <div>I realize that donation cards are not entirely uncommon, I'm just telling you that I think they're a bad idea. It is a little presumptuous to make donations in other people's names (or in lieu of a gift) when you don't know how they feel about the organization that you are donating to. </div>
  • Megan+AdamMegan+Adam member
    10 Comments
    edited April 2012
    I don't want you to feel ganged up on. I think it's great that you want to do something that honors your FI's dad, raises money for a worthwhile cause and raises awareness for that cause all at the same time. I'm just saying that maybe donating money in other people's name isn't the best plan.

    So what I'm suggesting (and please note this is just a suggestion at the end of the day it's your wedding) is that you find another way to honor your FI's father at the wedding and donate the money privately. 
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My brother was killed in a drunk driving accident before I got married.  Like you, we wanted to honor his memory at our wedding.  

    We had a candle for him at the ceremony and included a note about him in the program.  My H and I privately made a donation to an organization that we identified with because of the loss.  

    We kept it to ourselves.  Bragging about it would have cheapened the donation and made it feel less sincere.  
  • I did a donation in lieu of favors through the American Cancer Society. I chose one of their wordings that did NOT say that a donation was made in their honor. I think that's where a lot of people get hung up because it appears like you're making it in their name & what if they don't support the organiztion, like PP said. Instead, it just simply stated that a donation was made in lieu of a favor to remember all those who couldn't be there with us today. I know there are people who still don't approve of that, but oh well.
    tjackson13
  • Texaschick, I think this is a great idea and we are doing the same sort of thing.  At the table, I want to have something saying that we have donated to American Cancer Society (or something similar since so many family members have recently been effected), but also have a candy bar for a take away favor.  I think you should continue if that is what you would like.  I was wondering what to say, since saying "A donation has been made in your name" would mean a lot of small donations.  I like what rlavach recommended!  Thanks for the help ladies!

    image
  • I don't see why you have to advertise your generosity. Sorry.
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • Give them the chocolate you mentioned and leave it at that.  You can take the remaining money you would have spent on pricier favors and make a donation, but there is no need to publicize it.  There are plenty of other great ways that PP's have suggested to honor FI's father.
  • I agree that donations are not acceptable 'in lieu of favors'.  For all the reasons PPs mentioned.  Just because I think there shouldn't be any more cancer doesn't mean I support all cancer-related charities.  A lot of places spend money on things I don't agree with, even if I support their overall goal.

    If you want to donate money in honor of someone who has passed, send a private donation to an organization of your choice.  No need to advertize it.
  • sandreweddingsandrewedding member
    First Comment
    edited February 2013

    I have decided that in lieu of favours, I am going to make donations to charities that are important to both myself and my fiancé. When I Googled ideas for wording regarding these favours, I came across your post. While I am never one to comment on things such as this, I found that I simply could not stop thinking about a) your request for help writing your donation cards and b) the responses you were given. I do realize that this post was made quite some time ago and that you may have already married, but as it is February 1st, 2013 and your post was the first to come up on Google, I feel it is still relevant.

    I am actually appalled at the responses you received about your post. It is your wedding day and I feel that you should do whatever will make YOU (and potentially your family) happy. Both my fiancé and I have lost our aunts in the last two years and we have decided to make donations in their honours. When we told our mothers (who both lost their sisters) they were so over come with joy that I knew we had made the right decision. You received a lot of negative feedback about deciding to do donations, when in reality I think that is one of the best decisions that you could have made. Lets be serious. No one wants crappy mints or a chocolate. It would make me so happy to know that the couple decided to support a charity that was important to them and their families, regardless of what I thought. The people that are at your wedding are the ones that love you and support you no matter what, so I don`t understand what the grief you have received is about. Did you ask your guests if your choice in location, food, flowers or decor offended them? I sincerely hope not. So if you want to honour someone you love by donating to a charity I don’t think you should worry about offending people. And if (for whatever reason) you do offend some people, are those really the people you want in your life?

    I realize that this post is very hypocritical of me because on the one hand I am telling you that you should do what makes you happy, and on the other hand I am shoving my opinion down your throat. But.... if I came across a post that I couldn’t SPECIFICALLY answer, then I have no right to give my opinion. The post SPECIFICALLY asked for wording that could be used and instead she received comments telling her what a terrible idea it was. That was clearly not what was being asked, therefore you should have kept your opinions (which you are absolutely entitled to) to yourselves.

    I have decided to use this wording:

    Thank you for being part of our lives and our wedding day...

    In recognition of your love and support

    We have made a donation to

    Name of charity

    In honour and memory of

    Name of person

    I truly hope this helps and that you have not reconsidered doing the donation cards because of the feedback you received. I do hope that in the future people will save their opinions and just answer the damn question.

     

    Best of luck

    tduderewiczAshleyProclaims
  • Wow...some of the people on here are just downright nasty!
    I've heard of many people doing donations as favors and everyone I ever talked to about them has said that they were a beautiful idea...because lets face it, who actually saves the little favor trinkets given at weddings anyways?!?!
    I hope that you did the donation...I so can not believe some of the responses on here.
    Sorry for your loss.
    I lost my Dad a few months ago and I am getting married in May of this year...And YES, I am absolutely doing donation favors.
    tduderewicz
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