Vent... It's a little long...

PhiSigFly · March 2012

UGH... My sister is 24 (I'm 29) and has been excused from just about every responsibility from the minute she was born until now because she's the baby and just doesn't know. She is my MOH and never expressed any concerns to me about planning the bachelorette party or bridal shower. About 6 weeks before the bridal shower (she had picked a date), my best friend contacted her to see if she needed help planning. My sister ignored her. My friend, thankfully, was persistent and had to call/e-mail another time or two, to finally be told that nothing was in the planning process yet. No invitations, no food in mind, no budget in mind, no cake, no favors, NOTHING but a date. Fortunately, my friend is awesome and swooped in and planned the entire thing, which was amazing. She kept my sister in the loop, but she did all the leg work. When I complained to my mother, the response was, "she doesn't know, she's never planned a bridal shower before."

Fast forward 2 weeks... My bachelorette party is the weekend of the 23rd. My sister contacted everyone about 4 months ago with the date, the tentative plan, and the price. About 3 months ago, I made the hotel reservation because she hadn't, and it had gone up in price from when she originally looked. Awesome. Now we are less than 2 weeks away. She has not sent an e-mail out in the last 4 months. No one knows when we're leaving (going to the Islamarada), who is driving, who is driving with who, there are no plans for dinners, no thoughts about bars, nothing. I asked her last week to contact everyone about getting down there - ignored. We had an argument yesterday, where she mentioned that when she sent the e-mail to everyone in November, she said we were leaving at 6pm so we have to leave at 6pm. Well... How many people remember that from the e-mail that was sent mid-November? Aaaand, not to sound like a brat, but I don't want to leave at 6! I took the day off work (which she knows) and have 2 friends flying in from out of town Thursday night. We're not going to hang in my apartment all day, so then we can leave at 6pm. When I mentioned that to her, and suggested having a total of 3 cars leaving at different times, she ignored it, and then sent out an e-mail to everyone saying we're leaving at 6pm. So, I started a Facebook group with everyone going (it's only 11 people) to see what time people are getting out of work and wanting to drive down there. I also asked for volunteers to drive and all that good stuff. I feel bad for over-stepping, but I just don't trust her to make any of these arrangements at this point. I'll admit, I'm a little controlling, but only when I feel like things are not being taken care of! I'm just pissed, because I wanted my Bachelorette to be in Ft. Lauderdale on St. Patty's (I have a VERY irish last name, which will be changed to a VERY Jewish name, so I wanted to celebrate the last St. Pat's that I'll be recognized as Irish), but SHE made a big deal about it needing to be a weekend and needing to be more special. However, if I knew I was going to have to plan a bachelorette party 3 weeks before my wedding, I probably wouldn't have gone along with this... She said that she would take care of it, and that's what I expected. I complained to my mom and got the, "she doesn't know, she's never done this before." Well, I've never planned a wedding before, but I'm figuring it out...

As a side note, my sister and I are SUPER close. We don't fight and usually see eye to eye. While I love her to death, she has just never been responsible for anything in her entire life and is not held accountable for anything because she's the baby and doesn't know. I hope my bachelorette party facebook group doesn't cause too much drama and she's not too offended, but I feel an obligation to my friends who are paying for this weekend to make sure that everything goes off without too much of a hitch.

Thanks for letting me vent!

AMYM312 · March 2012

I think that you have every right to be annoyed. Its really hard being the middle man too. All of your friends start asking you details when your sister doesn't respond so you are stuck in the middle. If you have several BMs then she should have contacted them for help. Being the MOH doesn't mean she has to do everything. And yes, she is way too old to be treated like that by your mom. If she needed help then she should have told you or the BM. Instead of leaving you to do all the planning last minute.

RaquelS · March 2012

I would feel the exact same way as you are. I am controlling and did take charge when it came to my bachelorette party and because of it everything turned out beautifully. With the bridal shower I let my MOH handle everything. I said this to her "google has been my best friend". I have never been to a wedding, bachelorrette party, bridal shower, but thanks to my best friend google I am confident of everything being done right. Being as she is only 24, she is probably pretty computer savvy and I'm sure knows all about google, so I'm sorry to mom, but there is no excuse for not making sure everything is just right for her sister.

plswitze · March 2012

We could be twins after reading this post. My sister (also 24, also MOH) has barely shown a pinpoint's worth of interest in my planning, or been excited about planning anything. She chose my bachelorette party location (w/ me) to NYC, but that was where her planning ended. One of my BM's lives there and luckily came to the rescue with ideas of stuff to do and what not. When I complained to my mother hoping she'd get a fire under her a$$, she said "your sister doesn't know, she's never done this before.".... In NYC, She showed no leadership in this wknd she supposedly planned, and was pretty much a wet blanket the whole time.

BTW- totally agree w/ raquel- hello GOOGLE! Not to mention, my sister is also getting married in October, so she knows there is always the knot, and hundreds of ideas everywhere.

I think a SoFLa knottie who recently got married said her words of advice were: don't get stuck on people who surprise you about how disinterested or how much/little effort they put forth in your wedding. I've learned I totally agree with this.

JudeG20 · March 2012

I think you are in all your right to be upset with your sister. My Sister was the same way until one day I could not take it and I spoke to her about how the way she is acting it hurting my feels. This is suppose to be a special moment and I want her involved after that converstion she changed completely. Maybe you should take your sister out to lunch and spend sometime with her and let her know how you feel. I know you have already planed most of it but maybe after you talk to her she will take it from there and you will feel more relaxed.