Officiant

[Deleted User] · February 2012

So our officiant is a friend of my FMIL. We have met him before and he is very nice and we really like him. We want our ceremony to be traditional and simple. My FI and I do not go to church that often at this point in our lives. Our officiant sent us an email with the service he prefers to use, which is adapted for a presbyterian wedding. This is the church his parents go to and my FI used to go to. Overall the service he sent us is different then what we were thinking, it is almost like a church service. A prayer is said immediately at the beginning and then and then a passage out of the bible and also at the end a prayer that everyone is to say out loud together. I have been to multiple weddings recently and I have not been to one like this.

He said he would bring additional options when we meet next. Is it okay to tell him that is not what we would like? We just don't want to be rude. I understand some of you ladies may not understand because everyone has different religious views. TIA

bmetz34 · February 2012

This is your wedding and it needs to be exactly what you and your FI want and what makes you comortable. My FI and I are not religious at all, though I count myself as spiritual. We don't have any religious stuff in the ceremony. The ceremony really should be personalized to you, it's the most important part of the day!

Let him know that you'd feel more comfortable if you could replace the prayer and bible verse with different readings that you feel reflect you as a couple. If he is uncomfortable performing a non-religious ceremony, find a JP or someone that will tailor it to you. But he sounds open to making changes. And he can just do a general welcome/blessing instead of super religious bible stuff. Good luck!

katehar01 · February 2012

I agree that the whole congregation praying out loud is unusual. But a general prayer/blessing by the pastor and some bible readings are pretty standard. IMO, if you want no religious aspects at all in your ceremony, you should get a secular officiant.

saraschilling88 · February 2012

The whole congregation praying is a different idea, but I have been to many weddings where the officiant says a blessing/prayer. Most weddings I have been to also have a bible reading, but you don't have to (maybe find a nice poem or something to read instead?). I would talk things over with your FI to know what his feelings are on the ceremony, then maybe instead of telling your officiant what you "don't like" tell him what ideas you do like, that way you aren't just saying "we don't like your ideas" you are saying "we thought about your idea, but could we compromise and do this instead?". It may help keep things from becoming strained with your officiant.

Officiant

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