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*vent!* What to do?

SweetRose2011SweetRose2011
10 Comments
in Illinois-Chicago

So I got engaged on 3/17/10. My FI has told me since the beginning that I am the main person responsible for the planning. He has had some ideas and there are some things he won't bend on but for the most part I am the one doing most of the major idea planning...and I'm getting frustrated.

About a week ago I found the PERFECT dress. It fits me beautifully, i'm in love with it, and it fits the personality and style I was hoping to acheive in a wedding dress. It's also within our budget and i've told everyone how much I'm excited about it. I haven't bought it yet because I was wating to see if I felt final about it--knowing that I would need to change my wedding color pallet in order to wear this dress. This is the problem....At first my FI told me I should get the dress if it's the one I love...but as soon as I told him that I would have to change my colors from red and silver to maybe black and hot pink or black and green. I originally wanted to have the men wear silver Calvin Klien tuxes but I'm not sure if that will match my vintage looking dress.

I feel like, though, ever single time I come up with a good ideamy FI turns it down. He didn't like the idea of the green and silver (he thought they would clash) and he didn't like the idea of hot pink. And when I told him that I thought about having black dresses and colored boquets with my dress and maybe do a vintage looking theme he said that I need to stop picking everything I like from randam stuff and putting it all together. When I was looking at pictures yesterday I kept feeling as though I've always had a tendency to embrace the vintage look. I love lace and Frank Sinatra and such. Originally, however, we had planned to do a knight and princess theme. I feel as though the only things we wanted to do that had to do with that theme would be our cake/topper and the men carrying swords. And now my FI wants me to find a dress that looks more midevil (not totally just a little) when I'VE ALREADY FOUND A DRESS HE KNOWS THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH AND HAVE MY HEART SET ON.

I'm getting angry. How can I be responsible for everything and he keeps changing it and turning it down but he isn't coming up with any ideas himself? Should I give up the dress I love to look for something that he may think goes better with our theme? I'm not really sure what to do anymore.

I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!

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Re: *vent!* What to do?

  • LexiMSLexiMS
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like he wants to have a say in everything but not do any work. That would not fly in my house.  I would sit him down and talk to him and divide up the work, maybe he is responsible for finding the DJ and transportation. Planning a wedding is hard work and its not really meant to be a 1 person job.

     I would also buy some magazines or show him some inspiration boards on the web of what you are thinking with colors and such.

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  • SweetRose2011SweetRose2011
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Yeah I have a girlfriend who is going to help me with some planning. I don't care if I plan everything me and him helping a little, along with some girlfriends...what I do mind is him not helping me or suggesting anything and then telling me he doesn't like what I decide. I know he doesn't have a clue about planning stuff--he just isn't that kinda guy so I understand. I guess what I'm most upset by is his request that I change my dress when he know I have my heart set on it. He hasn't even seen it, so there isn't any reason why beside the fact I have to change my colors that he wouldn't like it. And don't know where to go from here as far as compromising on our ideas.

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  • sgyllingsgylling
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That does sound frustrating. But seeing your other posts, it doesn't seem like you have too much set in stone at this point. I think it might be less stressful if you pinned down the venue, date, and then decided the other items. If you tell him the ideas you have before you have decided for sure, then he can always say, nah I don't like that. Plus you might change your mind 10 times about certain things, and there is no point starting a fight over something that isn't for sure. I know I changed my mind a million times.

    I also agree with PP about giving FI tasks. I did that, I had him do the transportation, music, honeymoon, etc. I also didn't go over every little detail, like the flowers, really he didn't care so no reason to bring the topic up.

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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh sweet sweet Rose, you can slow down and not make any decisions at this point. If you are a year out from your wedding you can take your time a bit.

    It is true you will change your mind a lot during the process, unless your wedding is in 6 months you can really take your time deciding these elements.  

    You don't have to have  a "theme" and personally I don't like themed weddings.
    Especially princess ... (sorry)

    You  love the vintage look of your gown. You can have a very classy wedding around that vintage gown. You don't need to decide on a color scheme right now. 
    lI loved that gown on you it is perfect. AND I would do a lot of thinking and researching before you decide on a color scheme.

    First things first, what is your venue? Have you decided on the venue?
    When you do then you can get an idea of color and decor.

    I chose my venue before deciding on anything else. It turns out the venue is a bit vintage, so I tried to do elements that would go with that venue. My gown is lace
    my colors are jewel tones that match the stained glass in the receotion venue.

    My florist KIO Kreations (LOVE HER and she can help you too) helped me decide my color scheme after seeing the venue.  ANd she picked the floral decor to go with the venue.
    Good Luck and if you don't want fiance changing everything and you are in charge, then don't share too much with him right now, just wait a little while,  until you get the venue.
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  • ladybug7485ladybug7485 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I agree with PP. Venue plays a huge part on the feel of the ceremony and/or reception.
    Also, I don't think that a dress you love really means that you need to change your color scheme. Is the only reason because you don't think the silver tuxes would match? I would take his opinion into consideration with colors, especially hot pink.

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  • mandybear7mandybear7
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    What does your dress have to do with the colors?
    7/10/10 imageDandy
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  • BubbalaBubbala
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I know how frusturating it can be to have FI nix things you want.  Mine would to that at times that were not opportune, at all, and we would have to find a way to compromise.  Don't get me wrong, it sucked, but you are planning a wedding together, and it isn't about what you or he just want, but what you can live with together.  We had a 19 person head table, because I wanted all the bridal party with dates to sit with their dates, and he wanted the bridal party to sit at the head table..so we compromised, and they all sat at the head table with their dates. If he hatesgreen and silver, pick something else...I wanted brown and pink, he hated the idea, but knew I HAD to have pink, so we compromised on silver and pink. Don't change your dress becuse of the colors, just try to compromise...somehow...it will all work out :-)
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_illinois-chicago_vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:72Discussion:960bc21a-7ea9-43e4-82ee-fc1a47ecf5f9Post:3a656d0f-ad56-461f-8d4b-bc2fad5f5661">*vent!* What to do?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So I got engaged on 3/17/10. My FI has told me since the beginning that I am the main person responsible for the planning. He has had some ideas and there are some things he won't bend on but for the most part I am the one doing most of the major idea planning...and I'm getting frustrated. About a week ago I found the PERFECT dress. It fits me beautifully, i'm in love with it, and it fits the personality and style I was hoping to acheive in a wedding dress. It's also within our budget and i've told everyone how much I'm excited about it. I haven't bought it yet because I was wating to see if I felt final about it--knowing that I would need to change my wedding color pallet in order to wear this dress. This is the problem....At first my FI told me I should get the dress if it's the one I love...but as soon as I told him that I would have to change my colors from red and silver to maybe black and hot pink or black and green. I originally wanted to have the men wear silver Calvin Klien tuxes but I'm not sure if that will match my vintage looking dress. I feel like, though, ever single time I come up with a good ideamy FI turns it down. He didn't like the idea of the green and silver (he thought they would clash) and he didn't like the idea of hot pink. And when I told him that I thought about having black dresses and colored boquets with my dress and maybe do a vintage looking theme he said that I need to stop picking everything I like from randam stuff and putting it all together. When I was looking at pictures yesterday I kept feeling as though I've always had a tendency to embrace the vintage look. I love lace and Frank Sinatra and such. Originally, however, we had planned to do a knight and princess theme. I feel as though the only things we wanted to do that had to do with that theme would be our cake/topper and the men carrying swords. And now my FI wants me to find a dress that looks more midevil (not totally just a little) when I'VE ALREADY FOUND A DRESS HE KNOWS THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH AND HAVE MY HEART SET ON. I'm getting angry. How can I be responsible for everything and he keeps changing it and turning it down but he isn't coming up with any ideas himself? Should I give up the dress I love to look for something that he may think goes better with our theme? I'm not really sure what to do anymore. I'M SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG!
    Posted by SweetRose2011[/QUOTE]
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