Good ways to include a sibling who suffers from anxiety/depression?

Bluebird2318 · December 2011

Hello everyone!

In the process of planning my wedding, and I'm looking for a way to include my younger sister. She suffers from depression and anxiety, so in her opinion being a bridesmaid is out of the question. (I did ask her, but as I expected she declined. She is not comfortable with being part of the center of attention, and does not like wearing dresses whatsoever.) I know she wouldn't want to do a reading for the same reason. Does anyone here have any suggestions for a "role" that I can offer to her that might not make her so uncomfortable? Something that is not "in the spotlight" at all?

Note: It doesn't necessarily have to be for the ceremony. It could be a reception role, or something like that. I just want to be able to offer her a special place in my wedding.

Thank you so much!

MelissaC315 · December 2011

I don't know what your relationship is like with her but maybe you could sit and talk to her about what she might like to do/what she would be comfortable doing. It wouldn't hurt to get her input and hopefully you both can decide on something together.

Avion22 · December 2011

I think the best thing here would be to just have her attend as a guest, then maybe mention her if you give any kind of speech. Anything that she would "do" at a wedding (stand up, read, give a speech) would probably just induce more anxiety. There's nothing wrong with just being a guest:-)

Also, not that it's really any of my business, but is she being treated? A lot of people suffer through anxiety and depression their whole lives becuase they don't seek treatment for whatever reason. There are a lot of really effective treatments out there. Just don't want your sister to suffer if there are other options.

NOLAbridealmost · December 2011

Maybe you, H, both sets of parents, and your sister + date could sit at the same table? That might work depending on your family dynamics. I wouldn't give her any other "roles" though.

kmmssg · December 2011

I would ask her if there is anything she would feel comfortable doing and go from there. You can also include her in hair/makeup/getting ready with your BM's. Being the sister of the bride is pretty cool in itself. Kudos to you for being so aware of what she is and is not comfortable doing.

ginadog · December 2011

I don't think you have to do anything special. I'm sure she already knows you love and appreciate her as is.

Maybe if she wants to get her make up done with the other ladies, that's an option.

quiggels219 · December 2011

I agree with the ladies that said maybe have her get ready with you and bm, but any role I can think of would require her to have all eyes on her at least for a brief time. I'd also maybe give her a small gift and card at the rehearsal dinner if/when you give other bm gifts out.

2dBride · December 2011

Definitely ask her if there is a role she would like to have. For example, she might be okay with being an usher, because they aren't standing up front being the center of attention. But if she's not, let her just be a guest. It's not an honor to force her to do something she's uncomfortable with.

Lukeyloo · December 2011

What about asking her to help with something (like addressing invitations, making place cards, or decorating)? Then you can thank her publicly for her help as a sibling without having her stand up and do something.

Grits8812 · December 2011

Maybe just ask her if she wants to come along to get her hair and makeup done with you and your girls. Maybe even get ready with you guys if she wants. She can still be a part of the wedding without being in it.

Hessel77 · December 2011

you could always have her stand at the guestbook when people walk in and if worst came to worse and she couldn't deal with that she could always just walk away.

thejucheidea · December 2011

I think it depends on how socially anxious she is, but as someone who suffers from manic depression and has social anxiety revolving around the noise that people make and being touched by strangers, I can tell you that I would be miserable if I was made to greet people, stand in front of people or even be introduced. Ask her what she'd feel comfortable with, and if what she's comfortable with is simply being listed as the sister of the bride in the program or just participating behind the scenes, respect that. You don't need us to think of a title for her when you know her strengths and weaknesses in relation to her personality.

coleyjay · December 2011

What if she was listed in the program- instead of parents of the bride, family of the bride? This would probably only work if she is the only sibling, but it's a thought

MandJS · December 2011

A family friend had that situation, but it was the groom and his brother. The brother walked the groom down the aisle, and then wandered off to the side (sort of out of view of the ceremony) and stayed there. He left during the cocktail hour.

It worked out really well, in that situation, too, because the parents of the groom were divorced/both remarried, so they had the groom's parents just walk down the aisle with their new spouses.

Good ways to include a sibling who suffers from anxiety/depression?

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