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Friend asked me to be in her tacky wedding

RailWayWifeRailWayWife member
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in Snarky Brides
One of my best friends from high school has just asked me to be in her wedding. I want to be there for her as she is my friend and in my wedding party but her wedding etiquette makes my stomach turn. Heres why...

1. She just got back from Cuba  where she took a bunch of pictures in a wedding dress and plans to post them on Facebook and tell everyone she is married. Then this September she will say "Guess what that was all fake! Now your invited to my real wedding!" (Only I and 1 other girl know its all fake...)

2. For the wedding she wants to have a small outdoor thing with a JOP (Fine) BUT then she wants to sell tickets to people to come to her "reception" and have a raffle and silent auction and charge for drinks  so she can make money off of her wedding!!!


This whole thing makes me uneasy. I don't want to get caught in the middle when people approach me after these fake wedding pictures are posted "Oh so Sally got married?" What am I supposed to say? Then I am going to be expected to sell tickets to her wedding to a bunch of people she lied to for 9 months?
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Re: Friend asked me to be in her tacky wedding

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    shanding4787shanding4787
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    Ummm this whole thing makes my head hurt. She sounds like an idiot, no offense. Have you told her this is a huge no no?
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    misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
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    Absolutely not. Seriously. Is she normally this crazy? It sounds like an odd friendship. 
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    RailWayWifeRailWayWife member
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    She normally isnt this crazy no, she likes to rush into things and its what I am thinking is happening here. She wants to be married so badly she is going to fake it, then throw a wedding she can't afford in September so she is going to make money off of it instead... The whole thing makes me sick. Is she books the hall for September 14 FI and I will be on our Honeymoon so I won't be able to attend, the whole situation just makes my head spin.
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    anna.oskaranna.oskar member
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    i would not participate in what sounds like an epic play for drama.
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    B2Z728B2Z728 member
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    I would direct her to visit theknot. Specifically the etiquette board. 

    I'd most likely take no part in the wedding she has planned so far, being a bridesmaid or a guest. 
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    cwaggoner07cwaggoner07 member
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    Do you have to pay since you're in the bridal party?


    ^Worst question I've ever had to ask on TK^
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    lls31lls31 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_friend-asked-me-to-be-in-her-tacky-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7255a3-d682-42f2-974b-eacf64148789Post:0c7f3a60-e4e6-4dff-b69c-47c17ff053e0">Re: Friend asked me to be in her tacky wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I would direct her to visit theknot. Specifically the etiquette board. </strong> I'd most likely take no part in the wedding she has planned so far, being a bridesmaid or a guest. 
    Posted by B2Z728[/QUOTE]

    <div>This!</div>
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    RailWayWifeRailWayWife member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_friend-asked-me-to-be-in-her-tacky-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7255a3-d682-42f2-974b-eacf64148789Post:79a9fe58-1a9a-4657-8404-1c5d1b2d2f73">Re: Friend asked me to be in her tacky wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Do you have to pay since you're in the bridal party? ^Worst question I've ever had to ask on TK^
    Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]


    She is expecting her BP and family to all donate prizes for her silent auction, not to mention she will be expecting a shower to be thorwn for her as well as a card stuffed full of money as a wedding gift. I dont want any part of this and will be telling her Monday when we get together.
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    ifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderfulifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderful member
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    I almost want you to be a part of this just so you can tell us how this plays out haha!

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    PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
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    This all is weird and gross behavior.  Honestly OP, I think your friend is trying to lie about lying (I think I just had a stroke).

    It sounds like she really IS getting married while abroad, and then will throw herself a second fake wedding which she sells tickets to, in order to pay for the debt she racks up on her real one.

    I think she's just lying to you about 'lying' so that you don't feel badly that you weren't invited to the real wedding.  Which is madness, given all the offensive things she's going to do later anyway.  But I can't pretend to understand this girl's thought processs.
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    lynzeyklynzeyk
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    Maybe she spent all her money in Cuba and is trying to do things as (there's no other word for it:) cheaply, as possible. Would it be possible to sit her down and talk about how to make something small and classy happen within her budget?
    She soundss one bake sale short of a charity event at this point. =/
    Good luck! I' can't wait to hear what becomes of this.
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    lauralaurlauralaur member
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    No, no, no, no, no. No to all of it. No to being in the wedding... thingy she's got going on here, no to everything she's doing for it. Ack! I'd have to stop being her friend until it was all over because there's no way I'd be able to keep my mouth shut and I wouldn't be super constructive-criticism about it either when my mouth did open.
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    JillianNJohnJillianNJohn
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    I don't blame you for not wanting to be involved.
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    RailWayWifeRailWayWife member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_friend-asked-me-to-be-in-her-tacky-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7255a3-d682-42f2-974b-eacf64148789Post:f173aa1f-0170-4377-a011-59ae46a9a21a">Re: Friend asked me to be in her tacky wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Run fast, and run hard away from that disaster.
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]


    Best Advice Ever. I couldnt help but chuckle a little when reading this.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_friend-asked-me-to-be-in-her-tacky-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7255a3-d682-42f2-974b-eacf64148789Post:f3d489dd-3edd-4377-82a8-c596ee2d2264">Re: Friend asked me to be in her tacky wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]i would not participate in what sounds like an epic play for drama.
    Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. </div>
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    2012FutureMrsB2012FutureMrsB member
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    edited January 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_friend-asked-me-to-be-in-her-tacky-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:0b7255a3-d682-42f2-974b-eacf64148789Post:cf38e2c8-9157-4c66-85ab-ffbf79632199">Re: Friend asked me to be in her tacky wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]Could you just tell her you don't like being in front of groups of people?  Like, make yourself the problem?  Even though you're not the problem.
    Posted by Edie Bee[/QUOTE]

    <div>Exactly. That's what I had to do when I was asked to be a MOH and then found out that the bride expected me to do a whole bunch of crap that I couldn't afford (and also didn't agree with morally). I informed the bride that I needed to step down and just be a BM because I couldn't be there for her and do all the things she wanted, so she needed to pick one of the other girls. In reality, the bride was being ridiculous for expecting me to do all of these things, but to keep the peace, I but the "blame" on myself. The bride was a bit upset and tears were shed, but then she got over it and chose another friend. The other friend stepped in and basically treated the bride like a queen and did all her bidding. Everyone was happy in the end.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, my MIL tried to throw a shower for me inviting over 60 people, more than half of whom I had never heard of nor were they invited to the wedding. Again, I put it on "me" and explained that I was not comfortable receiving gifts from people who I couldn't invite to the wedding. THIS is something she understood and then decided to cancel the shower.</div><div>
    </div><div>I've learned that when you put the focus on yourself instead of trying to blame the other person, the argument dies really quick! If you blame the other person (even if they are guilty!) it will only look like an attack and add fuel to the fire. But put it on yourself and they don't have a leg to stand on.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: As I read the other posts, I'm thinking that this is beyond a little bad etiquette. I agree with PP that she might actually be "lying about lying." OP, take precautions. Be very careful with this and if you feel the need to completely cut yourself out of this situation, then I think you should do that. This friendship doesn't sound worth the effort!</div>
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    MrsElla10MrsElla10
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    In Response to Re:Friend asked me to be in her tacky wedding:[QUOTE]Do you have to pay since you're in the bridal party?Worst question I've ever had to ask on TK Posted by cwaggoner07[/QUOTE]

    Sadly it seems valid.....
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    embreenembreen member
    First Comment
    i think you should film this and send it to be a reality show...who thinks like that? i know some dumb money hungry people and even they wouldnt dream this up, i need a drink after reading that
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    rodigsorangerodigsorange member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    RWW, what ended up happening? Update us, si vous plait!
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