Hello all -
My sister's wedding is on Saturday in NYC.... my FI, daughter and I were planning on going. My daughter is 16 and at a VERY tough high school - where she gets her as* kicked daily. Seriously - she is brilliant and in the "middle" there. It is a gifted, magnet, by acceptance only governor's Science & Tech school. It is the number one high school academically in the country. Alll this child does is study.
It is mid-term week, today - Tuesday. She has been studying for 4 weeks - and knows everything cold. As a sophmore she has 4 AP classes and 3 Honors classes. Her AP MACRO teacher emailed everyone (it is an online class) on Tuesday giving them the practice test & study guide. Over half of it is information NOT in the textbook or in the lectures. Shayna begin freaking out. She took the practice test and didn't know 40 % of it because it was not covered. She has been cramming online since.
Since Tuesday she has not slept and been struggling - and then struggling about leaving town this weekend bc she has to take this on Monday. She can't afford to lose 48 hours.
At 5 am she woke me up after a sleepless night and throwing up 2x of nervousness becaue of her deadline of the final - the wedding. She asked if she could stay home - NOT GO - and if I could be mad.
Now - she is 16 - she is NOT a child. She is a straight A student, 2290 on SAT as a freshman - planning on a IVY LEAGUE education - and she has a B going into AP MACRO and if she gets an A on the final she will get an A in the course. She doesn't want a B.
I told her it was her decision - and I would respect it; although I think she should go to the wedding. She said she would think about it some more and texted me at 8 am from school saying she can't make the trip.
I called my mother and emailed my sister TELLING THEM THE TRUTH. Now - I am thining it would have been easier to lie the day of. Even my sister said "if she was sick the day of - I would understand - but not because of this". My mom screamed at me for 20 minutes non stop. My sister gave me three choice via email:
1. I force Shayna to come
2. I pay $250 for her seat - (NYC wedding)
3. Jon and I don't attend
I am in shock. I am NOT forcing my daughter to go because she would say "forget this" and go to her father's house for the weekend. she is a GREAT kid - does NOTHING wrong - all she does is ACADEMICS and she is VERY DRIVEN. But she is so driven that she does anything she needs to, to survive.
I know this is 48 hours before my sister's wedding. She is NOT close with Shayna. She has seen Shayna maybe 6 times in Shayna's LIFE. Shayna never gets a birthday card - or anything from her. She has never visited Shayna - come to any events etc.
I have been in tears all day.
I am NOT going to do choice 1.
I am TOTALLY AGAINST choice 2. First of all - ettique shows that asking for the money is worse.
And I am heartbroken over number 3.
Oh - I should say that my sister has more money than anyone I know and anyone in the family. She is a first time - 40 year old bride. Her FI is a lawyer. She is a lawyer. She has four houses.... got the idea. $250 is a penny to her. I am a teacher - at teacher's salary - supporting my daughter. AND I never asked for anything from my mother.
My sister and I are NOT close. My mother and I are NOT close. My mother ADORES my sister, who can do no wrong. I was the one who sat on the bench all my life. I have been working hard on reaching out to them - trying - but they are in their own world.
What do I do?
And how do I address this with family?
I don't want anyone to think I was rude and didn't show up.
Advice - thoughts!!!
Eva