Wedding Etiquette Forum

last minute guest cancellations

30 days today to go until my wedding!!!!!...and we've had quite a few guests cancel.  We've already turned in our final headcount for the reception (pay ahead of time) and ordered the cake accordingly.

Is it against ettiquette to ask the guests who cancelled to pay for their reception dinner + cake?

Re: last minute guest cancellations

  • moosebaby2011moosebaby2011 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments
    edited September 2010

    Seriously?  No.  Just no.

    Edit:  In case anyone is confused, by no I mean no you cannot do that.

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  • edited September 2010
    Umm...yes.

    And why did you have to turn in your numbers 30 days out?  That's insane.

    *edited because I can't type.
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  • Are you serious? You CANNOT ask your guests to pay for dinner and cake. That's the tackiest thing I've ever heard. Why not call the venue and tell them you now only have 100 people coming instead of 130? They have an entire month to re-work the numbers.
    [Deleted User]
  • Thats fucking awesome.
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  • Wow, yes it definitely is wrong on every level! 

    Talk to your venue and tell them about the cancellations and see how they can work with you.  Talk to your baker and tell them as well.  With a month to go, there is plenty of time for the venue and baker to adjust their numbers.  It's not like the baker has actually started making your cake or anything.
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  • Yikes, I've never heard that one before.  It is rude to ask anyone to pay for anything wedding related for you.  Always.
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  • This isn't real is it?
  • How is it that in Vegas, where you can get married on five minutes notice, you needed to turn in a head count 30 days out?

    And why would it even occur to you to charge your guests? You'd be paying for that plate whether they come or not.
  • I'm so confused as to why guests would have RSVP'ed yes and then cancelled 30 days before.  I know things come up at the last second but not this far out... odd.
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  • Hells yes they should pay! I mean for serious...think about it, them b!tches shouldn't be cancelling in you...I'd personally make them pay AND make them put money in your honeymoon registry AND tell them you expect them there for your money dance - where they'd better at least give you enough money to cover their food...again.

    *ahem*
    really now, sugar plum...please tell me you're joking....
  • NO, you do not ask your guests to pay a cancellation fee.  30 days notice is not "last minute" by any standards.

    You simply CHANGE THE HEADCOUNT with your caterer.  They could sure add guests up until a few days or week before the event, surely they can subtract them.  If you've already paid and they won't refund the amount of cancellations, then upgrade something else.  Add some appetizers, upgrade the bar, add a side or another small dessert/treat to the menu or something instead.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-minute-guest-cancellations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f433f642-9d73-43c0-a91d-76ede1912493Post:95deb505-2e44-41f9-a6e5-692ef4d1a6cc">Re: last minute guest cancellations</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm so confused as to why guests would have RSVP'ed yes and then cancelled 30 days before.  I know things come up at the last second but not this far out... odd.
    Posted by jenb1205[/QUOTE]

    <div>Maybe because they were asked to RSVP even farther out. So things came up after the RSVP'd. That happens whether the RSVP date is one week or one month or one year ahead of time. The longer time between the RSVP date and the event date, the more chance that something will come up. COmmon sense, dear!</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-minute-guest-cancellations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f433f642-9d73-43c0-a91d-76ede1912493Post:55efd9f7-b905-4306-8d82-a2eb96a02144">Re: last minute guest cancellations</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: last minute guest cancellations : Maybe because they were asked to RSVP even farther out. So things came up after the RSVP'd. That happens whether the RSVP date is one week or one month or one year ahead of time. The longer time between the RSVP date and the event date, the more chance that something will come up. COmmon sense, dear!
    Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

    I can understand that in maybe one situation but not several.  My point was that it sounds a bit fishy.  When I RSVP to something, most especially a wedding, I generally don't cancel unless I had a family emergency or something catastrophic, which I wouldn't know was going to happen 30 days out.  And that's for regardless of how long out I had to RSVP but I guess that's just proper etiquette and not common sense.
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  • I think I saw this same scenario on an episode of bridezillas...didn't turn out well.

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  • We had the "guest of honor"- FI's bf from military who was coming from across the country and 2 other OOT guests cancel on our 30 person wedding yesterday- so 9 days away from my wedding.  Your situation is not that bad.

    Where in the world are you getting married that needs a final head count that far out?  Are you serving some rare delicacy that needs to be pre-ordered?

    Even so, no- do not ask them to pay!
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  • Ummm.................................

    I got nothing..

    Ditto PP's.. Oh, and lurk a bit longer. Tha's all I'm sayin'.
  • This scenario made me think of how funny it would be to prank guest. At least in my group, there are a lot of jokesters. Set up a camera then have someone from the hall bring them a bill. Kinda like pranked. OMG the reactions would be hilarious.
  • That would be horrible.  Absolutely horrible.  Just ask the venue to pack up the extra meals for you.  You and your H can take a couple to the hotel for when you're hungry post-reception, and you can send some to your parents or donate them to a shelter if you want.  Whatever.  But don't ask people to pay for them.

    Or, ya know, you could call the venue and see if you can adjust the number.  Maybe you can't get money back, but could they upgrade something for you? 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_last-minute-guest-cancellations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f433f642-9d73-43c0-a91d-76ede1912493Post:548c8498-7248-4266-90c1-b161f9b9fcba">last minute guest cancellations</a>:
    [QUOTE]30 days today to go until my wedding!!!!!...and we've had quite a few guests cancel.  We've already turned in our final headcount for the reception (pay ahead of time) and ordered the cake accordingly. <strong>Is it against ettiquette to ask the guests who cancelled to pay for their reception dinner + cake?</strong>
    Posted by degarms[/QUOTE]


    Shocked !
  • Half of my guests who RSVPed yes to my wedding did not show up. It happens. You can't ask them to divvy up. Suck it up.  Money mouth
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  • It depends.  Did their gift cover their plates?  Don't you have a b-list you can pull from?  Tongue out
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  • There's no way the venue has ordered the food 30 days out for your wedding. Therefore, call them with updated numbers. Even though our #s were final a week before the wedding, we were able to make some slight changes 2 days ahead of time.

    And 30 days notice isn't last minute. The morning of is last minute.
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  • I assume this post is a joke, however...

    If your caterer is ordering food or baking a cake this far out from the wedding, you have other problems (unless your wedding is only going to consist of canned goods, dried beans and grains).  Talk with them about changing the guest count.  What does your contract say about it?  If they can't refund the money, get upgrades as PP said.  Don't just accept that you'll have 20 extra dinners for people you know aren't coming 30 days out!
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