Need 1 idea regarding the "clinking of glasses" and feedback on another...

kristielee72 · April 2010

Hi Ladies. Ok, the clinking of the glasses for me are going to be an annoyance at my wedding. So what I would like to do is come up with a small note to be put on every reception table to help avoid it. I wanted to see if anyone could come up with a little poem or such to write something like "in leiu of glass clinking, the bride and groom would like you to sing a song as a table group instead". Any ideas anyone?? I guess I just dont know how to word it..
And Secondly, I am planning to have an after party (my wedding gets over at 5pm) at a VFW or hall for all of the people we were unable to invite due to expenses. I have younger cousins who wont be invited as well as other cousins's children and long lost friends. Any ideas on how I get the word out, or at the very least explain to the younger cousins whom im not close with & friends that they are not invited, but I am having an after party and I would like for them to come--no gifts just come and celebrate.. any ideas are appreciated on either delema.. THANKS!

bbyckes · April 2010

The song idea made me say "Oh God" out loud. I can't see that going well at all. I'm solving the clinking glass problem by serving drinks in plastic. Problem solved.
haha

As to your second question: word of mouth.

desrosiersl · April 2010

We're doing a "Telephone Toast" - remember that games as a kid, one person whispers to the next and the last person says what they heard. We have table tents with a poem telling guests what to do, and at the end the last person stands ups and announces their toast. We're also having them record the orginal toast and the final toast so that we can laugh at them again later on. So they're record the orginal toast on the inside of the table tent, and the final on the back. They'll drop the tents into the card box at the end of dinner.

The tent has a picture of a telephone and the title is "Telephone Toast"and this poem:

MAKE A TOAST, PASS IT ON.

Whisper your wishes for the bride

and groom to the guest on your left. Let it travel

around the table, and wait for the mixed

message—and merriment—to make its way back

to you. Then take to your feet

and announce your table’s tangled tribute.

Write your toasts first and last

First inside and then on the back.

So that we can laugh, it’s a blast!

(Please put in the card box when you’re through.)

kristielee72 · April 2010

I know the song thing sounds cheezy, but I honestly couldnt come up with anything else for them to do. I really really despise the clinking of the glasses. Its really all about my soon to be FIL, and my MIL just goes along with it because she doesnt know any better. They think they are funny, when they are not. My FIL is obnox and thinks using racial/sexual orientation slurs are funny and he has to YELL everything. My fiance has told me how he has acted at his sisters wedding, and it was mortifying. For example, requests Mony Mony and gets up and tries to dance with women on the dance floor swinging around a napkin acting like he is a member of Chippendales..Ya, he is almost 70. I counter acted this, and am hiring a band and there will be no requests by anyone other than me and my finace. My FIL will think its a RIOT to clink all day long, especially when we are trying to eat, or he will be yelling out inappropriate things. It will be up to my fiance to sit him down before hand and explain to him that I will not put up with his crap and if he acts up he will be asked to hit the road.
I like the telephone toast idea, I think it will also solve the prob because some might not be smart enough to figure out how to play :)sorry about my FIL venting. When i get on a roll, its unstoppable.

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

How would the song be less annoying than the glass clinking? That sounds absolutely obnoxious!

We just ignored it. It happened maybe twice, and stopped. Not annoying at all.

As for your second question, it would be inappropriate to invite people that aren't invited to the wedding to an after party. If you can't afford them at the actual wedding, either cut back or see them later.

kristinanddan · April 2010

Just ignore it. Somehow, no one did it at our wedding, but if they did, we would have kissed once and then ignored it.

flamingtwig72 · April 2010

I wouldn't advise replacing the glass-clinking with anything else. Just deal with it. If it gets bad, make sure the bridal party and your parents know you don't like it and maybe they can try to quietly calm everyone else down.

On the other question, I had two acquaintences who did this and it made those of us who were just invited to the after-party feel like we weren't important enough to attend the actual wedding. It's rude and unseemly. It also makes you seem cheap. Instead, maybe wait until you buy a home and then have a housewarming party.

duckie1905 · April 2010

We kissed once after glass-clinking and then ignored it. It only happened two more times and yes, it was a little annoying but nothing earth shattering. I would find the singing to be 10 gazillion times more obnoxious than a few clinking glass.

ditto MNIN on the afterparty. While I realize you are trying to include everyone what you are suggesting is a horrible insult to those second string guests. Either invite them to the wedding or leave them off the list completely.

mewebster59 · April 2010

we're happy you are here
to celebrate our day
no glass clinking neccessary
to add joy to our day

haha

IDK.... just ignore it

Goldlie11 · April 2010

For the first question, the song thing does not appeal to me. I agree with ignoring the clinking.

As to your second question...That is terribly rude. Anyone invited to wedding related parties (bridal showers, engagement parties, rehearsal dinners, after parties, bachelor(ette) parties, ect) must be inviting to the actual wedding. At your after party, people will be discussing your wedding. How do you think those who did not get to go to the wedding will feel? The answer is they will feel like sh!t. Is that what you want?

I don't know how far you are into planning, but have you thought about having the actual reception at the VFW so you can invite everyone who you wish to celebrate with?

megk8oz · April 2010

You do realize if you go through the trouble of providing special instructions that you're going to get at least one person (Most likely the guest you're planning on being most annoyed by) that is going to ignore said instructions and clink away.

Alanda1318 · April 2010

I am letting people know that my budget is super tight and if they would like to come to the reception after the meal they are more than welcome. If people get upset about that screw them. People should be more understanding that a wedding is expensive. I don;t think you are being rude or cheap. I think you are being wonderful by even considering having a seperate reception for them to not hurt people's feelings. Who doesn't like a party? Distant relatives that you never speak to and friends you were close to in high school but don't really know you too well now aren't expecting invites and if they are, they obviously don't have a grasp on reality.

Goldlie11 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-1-idea-regarding-clinking-of-glasses-feedback-another?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d08e10dd-0d47-4ed5-a7da-9761aa6ad0d6Post:9984622f-1e30-446b-8d9f-fb6ae3ff0d14">Re: Need 1 idea regarding the "clinking of glasses" and feedback on another...</a>:
[QUOTE]I am letting people know that my budget is super tight and if they would like to come to the reception after the meal they are more than welcome. If people get upset about that screw them. People should be more understanding that a wedding is expensive. I don;t think you are being rude or cheap. I think you are being wonderful by even considering having a seperate reception for them to not hurt people's feelings. Who doesn't like a party? Distant relatives that you never speak to and friends you were close to in high school but don't really know you too well now aren't expecting invites and if they are, they obviously don't have a grasp on reality.
Posted by Alanda1318[/QUOTE]
This is one of the stupidest post I've read in a while.

psuxray07 · April 2010

I'm with Alanda. We have to pay for most of the wedding ourselves and it's shockingly expensive. We're only able to have about 60 guests, close friends and family. I couldn't invite everyone I work with, b/c I don't work with a couple of them all the time like I do with the others/not as close with them. These people who "aren't invited" to the wedding won't be asked to come to any other things like bridal shower, etc... They won't be asked to give anything. It was made known we can't afford everyone, especially for catering. Now, our wedding is New Year's Eve so the reception turns into a NYE party. It was made known to them that they can come after the "reception" to party with everyone...they'll get to use the open bar, other foods/snacks available later, and not expected to bring anything. I can't believe some of the rudeness and hostility on this board/post, ex - "this is the stupidest post..." fyi it's most stupid. Anyway, kristielee, do what you want to do and can afford!

Goldlie11 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-1-idea-regarding-clinking-of-glasses-feedback-another?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d08e10dd-0d47-4ed5-a7da-9761aa6ad0d6Post:6588fbc6-5af8-4b47-979f-e491af4ef9f9">Re: Need 1 idea regarding the "clinking of glasses" and feedback on another...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with Alanda. We have to pay for most of the wedding ourselves and it's shockingly expensive. We're only able to have about 60 guests, close friends and family. I couldn't invite everyone I work with, b/c I don't work with a couple of them all the time like I do with the others/not as close with them. These people who "aren't invited" to the wedding won't be asked to come to any other things like bridal shower, etc... They won't be asked to give anything. It was made known we can't afford everyone, especially for catering. Now, our wedding is New Year's Eve so the reception turns into a NYE party. It was made known to them that they can come after the "reception" to party with everyone...they'll get to use the open bar, other foods/snacks available later, and not expected to bring anything. I can't believe some of the rudeness and hostility on this board/post, ex - "this is the stupidest post..." fyi it's most stupid. Anyway, kristielee, do what you want to do and can afford!
Posted by psuxray07[/QUOTE]
lol<div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/stupidest" rel="nofollow">http://www.thefreedictionary.com/stupidest</a></div>

penad5 · April 2010

The song thing is annoying, but you should check with your reception hall - many don't allow clinking of glasses

Most weddings i've attended had the MC announce before dinner that the hall did not allow the glass clinking and instead to see the bride and groom kiss do (whatever the idea was)

If you get creative you can come up with something fun - one wedding i saw they brought in a kiddy basketball hoop and if you scored they kissed.

Or another fun idea was you had to stand up and tell a story about the bride and groom - it was fun becasue most people won't stand up on their own to speek so they didn't get many people - and the few that did it was an entertaining tale that the guests seemed to enjoy

As for the other - word of mouth i think would be best

MyNameIsNot · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_need-1-idea-regarding-clinking-of-glasses-feedback-another?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:d08e10dd-0d47-4ed5-a7da-9761aa6ad0d6Post:6588fbc6-5af8-4b47-979f-e491af4ef9f9">Re: Need 1 idea regarding the "clinking of glasses" and feedback on another...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm with Alanda. We have to pay for most of the wedding ourselves and it's shockingly expensive. We're only able to have about 60 guests, close friends and family. I couldn't invite everyone I work with, b/c I don't work with a couple of them all the time like I do with the others/not as close with them. These people who "aren't invited" to the wedding won't be asked to come to any other things like bridal shower, etc... They won't be asked to give anything. It was made known we can't afford everyone, especially for catering. Now, our wedding is New Year's Eve so the reception turns into a NYE party. It was made known to them that they can come after the "reception" to party with everyone...they'll get to use the open bar, other foods/snacks available later, and not expected to bring anything. I can't believe some of the rudeness and hostility on this board/post, ex - "this is the stupidest post..." fyi it's most stupid. Anyway, kristielee, do what you want to do and can afford!
Posted by psuxray07[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is shockingly rude.</div><div>
</div>

psuxray07 · April 2010

l...o...l. which part, because after the reception, hey it's my NYE party anyone can come. They're all ok with it.

hataouchi · July 2010

I've read most of the PP, and a lot of them said that a song is as obnoxious as clicking glasses. I've heard a friend of a friend to the song thing and it worked out well and had a lot of fun. I think it's a matter of the type of guests, but that's kinda hard to tell. I don't like the clinking either and have been to weddings where the clinking don't stop. Ugh!

Here's what I'm doing: The groom's side doesn't know me very well, and my side of the family doesn't know him well. With the clinking of a glass, the DJ/MC is going to have a pop quiz about us. Like, "What is the first movie they saw together?" or "In high school, what instrument did ___ play?". We haven't decided on if we'll have prizes or something to give to the right answer, because you know it'll get outta hand.

Good luck, and I hope this isn't too late!

barbandwayne · July 2010

We were at a wedding recently that did the neatest thing. The Bride & Groom got up and told everyone that if they wanted them to kiss they had to do two things. The couple would have to stand and give a toast to the new couple, then kiss each other. After which the Bride & Groom would rise and kiss also. It was fun not to hear the glasses clinking and it got others into the kissing mode also. The nice part of this was that couples young and old got into the act.

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

I have to say that I went to a wedding last weekend that did the singing thing. We were out the door as soon as it was announced. It had already been a pretty bad wedding, but that was the final straw.

Oh, and there was still clinking.

nessalen3 · July 2010

I recently went to a "second tier" reception, and I was totally okay with it. My friends had a family-only wedding (still well over 100 guests!), but wanted to include their friends some way. I was understanding of their situation, and happy I could be included.

Yes, some people will think it's rude. You have to decide if you care that some people will think that.

These kind of posts get to me, because I believe that as long as you're not being selfish (doing it only to receive gifts), eschewing etiquette to do what makes you happy is totally okay! Don't listen to the women who say it's rude- if you think your guests will be happy with it, and if it's what you want to do, go for it!

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