In-Law Woes

balletluvr7 · February 2012

I'm sure there are plenty of complaints about in-laws around here, but one thing that I'm not sure how to handle is having really forceful, opinionated inlaws....The latest is in picking our ceremony location. My FI and I both want a church wedding, but my family just recently changed churches. His family has been going to the same church for generations, however. His parents think that we HAVE to get married at his church because mine is not "familiy" like his is. However, his church is unavailable for the date that we want. Shoule I change the date just because his parents insist on their church, or should I keep the date we have and go with a different church?

jaciforsman · February 2012

If you and your FI don't want to get married in his church, don't. Just say "I would really like to get married here, I have been dreaming about it my whole life" or something to that sort. If you have everything else set for that day, it would be hell to change everything.

meganb1977 · February 2012

How locked in to your date are you? Have you already set the date with your reception venue and/or other vendors? Have you sent save-the-dates where you would have to send something out again to give people the new date? Have your out of town guests already started making travel arrangements (including plane tickets where they might incur a change fee)? If so, the matter might be out of your hands where you and your fiance could present a united front and explain to his parents that you both understand how meaningful it would be to them for you to get married at their church, but you are already locked into your date and their church is not available on your date. You can approach it, not that you are insisting on getting married at your family's church, but that it's the next best option because your fiance's family's church is booked.

If you're still getting everything etched in stone, if you don't have equally strong reasons why you would prefer your church, I might humor your fiance's family if they've been going to theirs for generations. If his parents and grandparents got married there it would be super sweet for you and your fiance to also have your ceremony there.

If you do have equally strong reasons to prefer your church, some compromise might be called for. Maybe the minister or wedding coordinator will have some creative solutions where both your family's minister and fiance's family's minister could be involved in the ceremony, or the one not officiating could at least get up and do a blessing. When my future sister in law and her husband got married, they compromised where the ceremony was at her church but the officiant was the priest from his church.

TiffannieF · February 2012

Who is paying? If they are paying then I would go to that church.

Do you have deposits on anything else? If so, then no do not change your date.

Do you have a reason why you want this particular date? If not, then just change it.

Do you have to get married at this church because of his family vs. yours? No.

Do you have a reception location picked out and if so how close is it? If you do have a place picked out and the church is too far then I wouldn't want guests to travel like that.

Honestly, the church they are 'demanding' sounds more desirable so depending on deposits and the meaning behind the date chosen I would change the date. We had a number date (11-11-11) so I wouldn't have changed the date for something like this.

mcskatcat · February 2012

I think you guys should get married at the church you want to get married at. Seems simple enough to me.

pattib5 · February 2012

I think your in-laws have a valid point. Unless you're already locked in to your date (committments with vendors, guests have already booked plane tickets, you've already sent out STDs, etc), I'd capitulate to your in-laws on this one. It'd be a nice gesture to them as their new daughter-in-law and makes them feel involved.

balletluvr7 · February 2012

Clarification: I was all on board with getting married at his family's church. But the date we have picked out, while not "locked in" is really best as far as schedules are concerned. As to who's paying, my fiance and I are paying for all of it at this point.

Southernsunflower2012 · February 2012

My Pre-marital councelor told us that it is our wedding...feelings sre going to get hurt and opinions are going to fly and someone will always think you should do what they want you to do. But per my pastor it is my choice as it is yours and that of your Fiance! Have your wedding where you want to have it eat what you want to listen to whhat you want to....It is YOUR day!

toothpastechica · February 2012

You might also want to look into what are the pre-marital and ceremony requirements of both churchs.....that information might help you make your decision.

pattib5 · February 2012

How will it affect schedules if you changed the date? I actually feel pretty strongly that you give in to your in-laws on this one issue. A multi-generational family church? I can see why they'd be devastated if their son didn't get married there. Plus it sounds like you don't have super strong feelings about another venue and the date issue seems vague at best.

I really think this is one issue that you give in to your future in-laws. Then the rest of the wedding, if they try butting in, you can just remind them that the ceremony is at their venue of choice, now the rest of the wedding decisions will be made by you and their son.

MyNameIsNot · February 2012

Where will you attend church together after the wedding?

evanquil · March 2012

I am not sure how locked into your date you are, but you can always see if you can change the date with your other vendors if it really means that much to your FI and his parents to get married in that church. We ended up changing our date after we had booked our reception venue and DJ. Thankfully we were far enough in advanced that we were able to switch things around.

In-Law Woes

Re: In-Law Woes

Choose Another Board

Search Boards