Gah. Consequences.

insanityofamom · October 2012

So, I think ya'll probably remember when my mom offered to help with the caterering. We were talking on the phone last night and she said "well, you know, this is your wedding present, right?"

I went "No. You offered to help. A wedding gift is something else entrely... "

When we had talked to my parents before about them helping pay for the wedding, my dad had mentioned our wedding gift would be a sum of money that they wanted to give us for a downpayment. A significant chunk of change - like $5-$10k.

I don't EXPECT that much money. Even something from the registry or some hand-me-down camping equipment (that my dad has been promising to give me for YEARS) Basically, I just expect a present. Even if it's a $10 picture frame!

Also, we're a week out frm the wedding and no one has purchased a gift.

bbair89 · October 2012

Having your parents help pay for wedding expenses is a gift. Both FI and my parents told us they were not getting us any sort of wedding gift because they have helped pay for things along the way for the wedding. I wouldn't have asked them to give us anything anyway, and I certainly would not expect it.

achiduck · October 2012

Ditto BBair - having your parents help is a gift. My Dad contributed about 15% of the wedding budget and I do not expect a present from him at all.

Also - no one, parents or otherwise, HAS to get you a gift. Calm yourself down.

RockstarWifey0912 · October 2012

What they said.

amandaorgan · October 2012

Aggreed PP.

Actually just last night mom told me she probably couldn't get us anything big for a wedding gift as she is payingfor half of the wedding. I asked her please not to get us anything as she has already done so much. I didn't even realize she was worried about not getting us an additional gift as I looked at it as the wedding was her gift to us! Just be grateful for what you ARE getting and just take the money you saved having your mom pay for the caterer and put that towards a house instead.

LDubHawksFan · October 2012

I agree w/ PP that their help is a gift and you should be grateful for it and don't expect anything else. I can, however, see your frustration if the intended gift that they said they would give got translated. It sounds like your dad mentioned the sum of money, to be used for a down payment, was going to be your gift, but then they put it towards the wedding. Maybe you had already planned on using that.....but we all know how money comes with strings and often doesn't actually appear, so I wouldn't take the time to get made about this.

However, just assume you would have had to pay whatever amount they helped with wedding costs and pay your own money for the house payment.

jlk13 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_gah-consequences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:7600c876-cd4f-4525-8b96-822ef4f0fa8fPost:95195eed-c08a-4767-a665-4e4206a8642f">Re: Gah. Consequences.</a>:
[QUOTE]Ditto BBair - having your parents help is a gift. My Dad contributed about 15% of the wedding budget and I do not expect a present from him at all. Also - no one, parents or otherwise, HAS to get you a gift. Calm yourself down.
Posted by achiduck[/QUOTE]

Ditto. 100 x

insanityofamom · October 2012

Well, originally, they offered X amount for the wedding AND X-Y amount for a downpayment. So far, they have spent MUCH LESS than X.

Yes, I should be grateful, and I am. Just... frustrated! :P

But the fact that this "gift" has come with SO MANY strings - constantly having to check and recheck menus, badger them for answers, look at menus... I mean we are a week out from the rehersal dinner, and we are STILL not decided. I wanted to do a buffet style dinner at the reception venue (I have it booked Fri night too) but my mom says "Well I want to do it X town." I was like, okay... so yesterday, FI and I went around looking at restaurants. Most places were booked already. I walked into half a dozen places to get menus and such. We found one place that FI and I liked and were considering using for our rehersal dinner before (but we hadn't eaten there before)... I mean, it's a brewpup ... not a fancy dinner place. but it's "just not what" my mom had in mind. She told me this AFTER i texted her telling her we were going back to have dinner there beacuse my mom wanted us to "try the food" - so I wasted $40 last night on dinner. My dad is like "Oh you didn't need to try the food..." and I'm like "Yes, I did. Mom was badgering me about it...."

So, my dad made a couple calls today and WHAT DO YOU KNOW. EVERY place he has called is BOOKED. The entire area hotels are booked because of a big festival going on the same weekend, so it's NOT a good time to make last minute changes.

This brewpup has their private dining room reserved for our party on Friday. As far as I'm concerned that's perfect. Now I just have to ask if I can bring a cake with us! I am surprising FI with a Darth Vader cake and am bringing "Star Wars" themed cupcakes in case there is not enough cake.

What I mean to say is it's not that I'm NOT greatful... but they have me running in circles.

Ankur · October 2012

I can empathize with you....the money with strings attached is awful. My parents tried to do that in the beginning until FI and I sat down with them and told them that if they were giving us the money, it had to be with no strings attached. Otherwise, we were just as comfortable with going to the courthouse and having a party at home. One of the best lines I have learned is "Thank you for your suggestion; however, this is the most effective way to do this at such a late stage" and say it with a big smile!

Kristin4911 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_gah-consequences?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:7600c876-cd4f-4525-8b96-822ef4f0fa8fPost:80c81493-8915-4830-89e4-d61d858db1e1">Re: Gah. Consequences.</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, originally, they offered X amount for the wedding AND X-Y amount for a downpayment. So far, they have spent MUCH LESS than X. Yes, I should be grateful, and I am. Just... frustrated! :P But the fact that this "gift" has come with SO MANY strings - constantly having to check and recheck menus, badger them for answers, look at menus... I mean we are a week out from the rehersal dinner, and we are STILL not decided. I wanted to do a buffet style dinner at the reception venue (I have it booked Fri night too) but my mom says "Well I want to do it X town." I was like, okay... so yesterday , FI and I went around looking at restaurants. Most places were booked already. I walked into half a dozen places to get menus and such. We found one place that FI and I liked and were considering using for our rehersal dinner before (but we hadn't eaten there before)... I mean, it's a brewpup ... not a fancy dinner place. but it's "just not what" my mom had in mind. She told me this AFTER i texted her telling her we were going back to have dinner there beacuse my mom wanted us to "try the food" - so I wasted $40 last night on dinner. My dad is like "Oh you didn't need to try the food..." and I'm like "Yes, I did. Mom was badgering me about it...." So, my dad made a couple calls today and WHAT DO YOU KNOW. EVERY place he has called is BOOKED. The entire area hotels are booked because of a big festival going on the same weekend, so it's NOT a good time to make last minute changes. This brewpup has their private dining room reserved for our party on Friday. As far as I'm concerned that's perfect. Now I just have to ask if I can bring a cake with us! I am surprising FI with a Darth Vader cake and am bringing "Star Wars" themed cupcakes in case there is not enough cake. What I mean to say is it's not that I'm NOT greatful... but they have me running in circles.
Posted by insanityofamom[/QUOTE]

Are you meaning "brew-pub"? I've never heard of a "brewpup". Regardless, with parents and money there are "strings attatched" 90% of the time- and rightly so. It's their money, they can have some say in what it's spent on. Unfortunately, that means having your dinner at a different place/a different type of atmosphere if that's what they wish. With that said, I'm sure you're frustrated, but you need to just take a breath and tell yourself, "If mom and dad weren't being so gracious in paying for X, then FI and I wouldn't have the money to do X" and maybe sit down with your parents and make phone calls together, going down a list, instead of "I'll do XYZ and let you know how it goes".

Gah. Consequences.

Re: Gah. Consequences.

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