paying for hotel rooms for family

unplainjane · April 2011

we're having our wedding OOT. about an hour and a half drive for everyone. my FI and i are paying for the wedding ourselves. though my parents helped me pay for over half the cost of my dress and my FI parents are paying for and doing all the flowers as his mother used to be a florist. i asked my mom if she was planning to stay overnight. we're expecting a decent amount of our guests will be due to the distance. i said that if they were i would pay for their hotel room. she said she wasn't sure yet but she said that i should offer to pay for my aunts and uncles rooms too if they stay overnight. my wedding is small but that would still be probably around 6 rooms i'd be shelling out for. do you find her request reasonable? i suppose if we have to we can carve this out of the budget somehow but it's a cost i really wasn't budgeting for.

musicalsunlight · April 2011

You are under no obligation to pay for anyone else's travel expenses, including hotel rooms. Of course, it is a nice gesture but not required. If your mom cares so much about your other relatives having their hotel rooms paid for, she can do it herself.

sklink0486 · April 2011

I agree with PP. Ultimately, you are throwing a party..they are not obligated to come and therefore can decide if they want to pay for a hotel room. Honestly, most of my family is flying in from Michigan and plane tickets cost $500 per person right now so I would understand if they can't make it, but I can't afford to pay for all of their hotel rooms either, which would be about 6 rooms also.

meep2 · April 2011

It was nice of you to offer to pay for her hotel room; if helping with your dress and flowers was truly a wedding present then you were under no obligation to do so. Similarly, you are not obligated to pay for your guests' hotel accomodations. To be honest, I'm not a fan of the fact that your mother tried to shove that additional expense on to you.

midgetthemighty · April 2011

I find her request pretty unreasonable. You are not required to pay for your relatives hotel rooms. It was nice of you to offer to pay for your parents hotel room, but she shouldn't have shoved that additional expense on you. I would feel pretty uncomfortable as a guest also if the bride/groom paid for my hotel room.

mary9449 · April 2011

There is no reason you should have to pay for other people's hotels. To be honest, an hour an a half drive isn't a ridiculous amount. I would stay over night if I were going to a wedding of that distance, but if someone really doesn't want to pay for a hotel room, they can drive home the same night.

jerseydevil · April 2011

Absolutely not! It is a very nice thought, but a lot of cost to put on your shoulders. No, just no.

unplainjane · April 2011

Thanks so much ladies. Makes me feel better about saying no.

em01092 · April 2011

I'm going through a similar issue. My FMIL wants us to pay for her brother and his wife's room because he paid for a room (at the RITZ!) for FIs family at his daughter's wedding (FIs cousin). The difference? a) Uncle is loaded and b) FI and FMIL performed at the wedding, so he paid for their room as a thank you. Uncle and cousin will not be performing at our wedding and we are most definitely not loaded. So no, we are not paying for their room.

Don't feel pressured.

mandi921vh · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_paying-hotel-rooms-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:dc38b3e3-f51d-4745-a0cb-a235cb595ce1Post:7fcec17f-da83-4827-ab2b-54b15cc2e933">Re: paying for hotel rooms for family</a>:
[QUOTE]You are under no obligation to pay for anyone else's travel expenses, including hotel rooms. Of course, it is a nice gesture but not required. If your mom cares so much about your other relatives having their hotel rooms paid for, she can do it herself.
Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

<div>This. </div>

Sarahkayfa · April 2011

Perhaps you should pay for hers, since she will be saving you so much as your florist. But you are under no obligation to do so, either for her or your extended family.

[Deleted User] · April 2011

You're not obligated to pay for anyone's hotel rooms.

My dad is paying for the hotel rooms of his family and any friends of theirs that are travelling for the wedding. This totals 9 hotel rooms for 2 nights each. Not a cheap favor at $150/night before taxes. He just felt like if they travelled all that way (500 miles) that he should cover their rooms.

It's not an expensive I would incur, and not one I'd expect someone else to pay for me if I was a guest at a wedding.

MissKate2011 · April 2011

Proper ettiquette says you're supposed to pay for the bridal party's room if they are travelling from out of town and require a room. Other guests take care of their own accomodations!

HYDROPHILE · April 2011

Because we are on a limited budget (and have a small bridal party of all friends,) we paid for one night's lodging for our bridal party, and they are paying for the other night. Of course, they're renting a 4BD cabin so it's $240 (one night) divided among 3 couples (My MOH is my SIL. My brother is in Afghanistan, and my SIL is staying at the family rental house with my parents and her mom.)

rb30966 · May 2011

I agree with most of the posters on this board. Although it would be nice to pay for absolutely everything for everybody, that is completely unrealistic and somewhat unfair for your mother to ask of you. Just try to explain that you are working on a budget and that while you would like your family there, you understand that with tough economic times they may not be able to afford it (as they should understand that you cannot afford to put them all up!). When it comes right down to it, an hour and a half is not too far to drive back and forth if they needed to save money and wanted to come.

kac12170 · May 2011

This might just be me, but I feel like if someone wants to come to a free dinner and drink for free, it's not too unreasonable for them to pay for their own hotel room. You can get rooms for $50 or less. You can't go out for a nice dinner and drinks, for two people, for that much!

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