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Bridesmaid DRAMA

bridget_124bridget_124 member
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in Snarky Brides

Ok, so i have a very large wedding party, with 8 bridesmaids.  We all planned a day out in January, where the girls got measured and we went to lunch, it was great.  But, one of my bridesmaides failed to show up, no call no show!  So, we finally talked and i gave her a couple weeks and just said she needed to get measured and pay half down, because the salon won't process the order till all the other dresses are paid for.  A week went by and the salon called stating that she still had yet to pay, but they had her measurements.  I called her and she stated that she had sent the check (this was a month ago) and not to worry it's all been taking care of.  I talked to her sister this past weekend, who stated that she didn't think she had paid for it and i might want to check on it.  So, i called the salon today, to find out...the dresses have NOT been ordered and they never received her check.  This bridesmaid and i are very close (like sisters) she's my cousin and only 21.  I'm just so frustrated because she LIED and told me she sent a check and never did, then a month later i find out that the dresses still have not been ordered :(

Now, i'm usually pretty level minded, but i don't have any use for liers.  I'm just so upset that she would do that.  The wedding isn't until July, so it's not like we don't have time yet to order them, but we're cutting it close now, if the dresses have to be altered and all.  I also feel bad for all the other bridesmaids, because they paid for their dresses on time and are being held up by her!

I'm tempted to just have them take her off the list and order the dresses.  What should I do ?  

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Re: Bridesmaid DRAMA

  • buddhagoudabuddhagouda member
    First Comment
    If it's that important to you, pay it for her. If it's not, give her a deadline and order the dresses without her. 
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  • fiddle14fiddle14 member
    First Comment

    Your cousin is an adult and had a choice about being responsible about paying for her dress.  Maybe she's having a financial issue?  Ask her and find out.  Maybe you can help her out with that. 

    Bottom line:  Order the other 7 dresses and leave the ball in her court.  If she scrambles to get her dress on her own, she's in your WP.  If she doesn't come through, then graciously tell her that you'd love to have her come to your wedding as a guest.

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  • MissRooMissRoo
    First Comment
    I would be very direct with her and aks her what the issue is. Is it money? Does she not want to be in the wedding? I would give her one last chance to explain herself and then I would move forward with placing the order without her.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Don't assume that she is lying. The check could have been lost in the mail or the salon could have made an error. Let her know the salon did not receive her check and will not order any of the dresses until she pays. In the meantime, you could pay the salon for her, just so the order won't be delayed.
                       
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  • suz62984suz62984
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8126b822-ebbf-46ca-acec-6201bef1ab21Post:0aef55bc-e0a5-458f-b67e-2db3653c10c0">Re: Bridesmaid DRAMA</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your cousin is an adult and had a choice about being responsible about paying for her dress.  Maybe she's having a financial issue?  Ask her and find out.  Maybe you can help her out with that.  Bottom line:   Order the other 7 dresses and leave the ball in her court.  If she scrambles to get her dress on her own, she's in your WP.  If she doesn't come through, then graciously tell her that you'd love to have her come to your wedding as a guest.
    Posted by fiddle14[/QUOTE]

    I like it. Just order the 7 others and let her take care of it on her own.
    Anniversary
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  • krmabojokrmabojo
    First Comment
    Have you talked to her about how there is a reason why all this is done early? Also, let her know that they did not get the check- if she kept track of her finances, she would not realized that her money was not taken.

    If you are worried she is still not going to get it done, I suggest paying for it yourself and having her pay you back. With cash. No checks.
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  • missejaynemissejayne member
    First Comment
    SAME THING happened to me. I only have 4 but they live through out PA. We made a special day of it but my cousin said she would pay that thursday when she got paid. Fine, dandy. (this was back in November) I call the other day to see when they would come in so I can pick them up. My cousin STILL had not called to pay half. SO I had them call her and I called my Aunt and Uncle's house (where she lives) and left a message saying "hey they said you didnt pay yet, I know I am anal but could you call to pay so everyone elses can be ordered too? Thanks sweetie!" My aunt and uncle got on her asap. Was ordered two days later!
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  • norahanngnorahanng
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8126b822-ebbf-46ca-acec-6201bef1ab21Post:43fc8e3f-5dbe-4dfa-b1dc-fa0ab38e295a">Re: Bridesmaid DRAMA</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you talked to her about how there is a reason why all this is done early? 
    Posted by krmabojo[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with this - since she's only 21, probably never been in a wedding (let alone had to plan her own) she probably doesn't "get" why you're ordering things so early and therefore doesn't think it's that big of a deal. Since you're like sisters, you should be able to be pretty straight forward with her and tell her what's up. </div>
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  • nmill349nmill349 member
    First Comment
    Hi there,

    I was in the same situation with my sister-in-law. I needed to order the dresses and she was holding up the process so I just paid her portion and went ahead and ordered them. I figured it would cause more drama if I cut her out then to just pay it myself in hopes that she will get the hint. I wish you luck and I hope everything works out for the best!
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  • LoveBugBabyLoveBugBaby member
    First Comment
    edited February 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaid-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8126b822-ebbf-46ca-acec-6201bef1ab21Post:e2fa5f5f-1026-4582-8bd0-4920e7bcbd06">Re: Bridesmaid DRAMA</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would be very direct with her and aks her what the issue is. Is it money? Does she not want to be in the wedding? I would give her one last chance to explain herself and then I would move forward with placing the order without her.
    Posted by MissRoo[/QUOTE]
    Agreed


    !
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  • vegprincessvegprincess
    First Comment
    Yeah, if she's only 21, how mad would she be if you asked her parents about it?  Not to tattle, but just explain the situation and ask if she's just been really busy or if she financially just can't afford it at the moment or what.
    Perhaps give her one last call and suggest that you pay for it and she pays you back so that the order can proceed - let her know that it's holding up all the other dresses.  (If you do pay, however, know that you may not get paid back depending on what's holding her up now.)
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  • libraleolibraleo member
    First Comment
    I like the idea of ordering the seven and letting her scramble.  It's sort of sounding like she doesn't really want to participate.  I've noticed that when people drag their butts on getting things done, it's mainly because they don't want to do it.  You should try one more time to see if she's having money issues.  She could be embarrassed.  Offer to help her or ask her if she has other money options(i.e. - parental help, help from other friends).  If she gives you the "oh, no, it's under control, the check is in the mail, the salon is lying" then give her two or three more weeks to figure it out.  Then order the seven dresses and move on. 
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  • abbygrace8abbygrace8 member
    First Comment
    approach her in a way that lets her save face. if you come at her and condemn her for lying, she's immediately going to shut down and will probably stop answering your calls. tell her "hey I spoke to the dress shop and they said they never received your check. did you want to check with your bank to see if it's gone through?"  because that situation is entirely possible, it allows her to keep her composure and keeps the negative interaction minimal. 
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