Things are looking up (a little)

Re: Things are looking up (a little)

• island07b2b member

  

  November 2012 edited November 2012

  Did you do a lot with/visit your Mom often prior to your engagement to your FH?  IIf so, mom is just losing her baby girl and having difficulty dealing with you getting married.  At some point (hopefully soon) she will realize that your FH is a good man especially as you say he has been very good to your family.  

  
  

  In regards to your dealings with your family regarding your FH, the one thing I know is that if you allow family to have say so in your relationship before you are married you can best believe that they will be opening their mouth after the marriage as well whether you want them to or not.  It is already having an effect as you say now your FH is not exactly enamoured with your Mom. If you have addressed this in your recent talk then continue to do so.  The more they hear it the more they will understand where the line is drawn.  Also, hopefully your talk will help ease the tension a bit between your Mom and your FH.

  
  

  As to your sister, ummm...yeah that is trifling.  I can see why, in that case, FH wouldn't be so gun ho on the fam.  Don't allow your family to browbeat you into gulit especially since you know you and your FH have done nothing to feel guilty about.  At the end of the day your FH is marrying YOU not the fam.   If things don't get better, you may have to make the hard choice of keeping family on the sidelines.  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Love is the ultimate superpower.   

  It can make you weak and strong simultaneously.  
  

  
  

  
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• MrsBad13 member

  

  November 2012

  O M G...i completly understand your situation. Me and my mom has always been close. And naturally as me and FI got close me and her started seeing less of each other. At first it was cool then as time went on my mom attitude started to change with me. She was always snappy, having an attitutde and always tried to have something negative to say about him. After 3 yrs and a baby i had to finally check her and let her know yes he is the reason we not close but i chosed it to be that way. Im building my family and this is what im ready for. Its time for me to live for me and be happy. I also told her yes you are my mom but I will noy allow you disrespect him when you have no reason to as he has never disrespect you amd has always been that son you never you had. So for a while she cooled it but now since we're getting married her attitude has come back. And I had to remind her again. In my case my mom is getting remarried. And I had to tell heryou have to respect what I got going on just like I have to respect you. Hell you leaving the very next day after my wedding to be with this man. So I strongly suggest you let her know what you will and will not tolerate but on a respectful way. Cause like pp. If nothing is done now it will carry into your marriage and you dont want that ! Everything will be ok. Just stand your ground, pray and it will work itself out !

  http://1badwedding.weebly.com/

  Report0 Reply
• KBritton62313

  

  November 2012

  I did try to call everyday and visit when I was in town. When I moved back to be closer and because a wonderful tornado scared the hell out of me, I thought that she would understand how I felt about the family! I truly love my fam but all the drama that has recently occured is just driving me up a wall! I never thought about losing my mom! She will always be my mom and I'll always be there for her! Even when she yells at me! I love that lady and I have grown accustomed to her ways but I still can fall in love, right? My FH is a wonderful man. Thanks for the advice I will truly try to remember to keep informing her that I'm not abandoning our relationship just that I'm adding more to the party!
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_things-are-looking-up-a-little?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:3c8e7aaa-332c-4a4c-95b9-73b999c8159ePost:b133f404-81f0-429e-92e5-8d8959612a59">Re: Things are looking up (a little)</a>:
  [QUOTE]Did you do a lot with/visit your Mom often prior to your engagement to your FH?  IIf so, mom is just losing her baby girl and having difficulty dealing with you getting married.  At some point (hopefully soon) she will realize that your FH is a good man especially as you say he has been very good to your family.   In regards to your dealings with your family regarding your FH, the one thing I know is that if you allow family to have say so in your relationship before you are married you can best believe that they will be opening their mouth after the marriage as well whether you want them to or not.  It is already having an effect as you say now your FH is not exactly enamoured with your Mom. If you have addressed this in your recent talk then continue to do so.  The more they hear it the more they will understand where the line is drawn.  Also, hopefully your talk will help ease the tension a bit between your Mom and your FH. As to your sister, ummm...yeah that is trifling.  I can see why, in that case, FH wouldn't be so gun ho on the fam.  Don't allow your family to browbeat you into gulit especially since you know you and your FH have done nothing to feel guilty about.  At the end of the day your FH is marrying YOU not the fam.   If things don't get better, you may have to make the hard choice of keeping family on the sidelines.  
  Posted by island07b2b[/QUOTE]

  

  Report0 Reply
• KBritton62313

  

  November 2012

  Thanks for the advice! I will try to continue to stand my ground about my relationship! I don't want my family intruding on our life!
  
  
  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_things-are-looking-up-a-little?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:3c8e7aaa-332c-4a4c-95b9-73b999c8159ePost:7b32860b-aa59-4a77-81af-8ca82a59e10f">Re:Things are looking up a little</a>:
  [QUOTE]O M G...i completly understand your situation. Me and my mom has always been close. And naturally as me and FI got close me and her started seeing less of each other. At first it was cool then as time went on my mom attitude started to change with me. She was always snappy, having an attitutde and always tried to have something negative to say about him. After 3 yrs and a baby i had to finally check her and let her know yes he is the reason we not close but i chosed it to be that way. Im building my family and this is what im ready for. Its time for me to live for me and be happy. I also told her yes you are my mom but I will noy allow you disrespect him when you have no reason to as he has never disrespect you amd has always been that son you never you had. So for a while she cooled it but now since we're getting married her attitude has come back. And I had to remind her again. In my case my mom is getting remarried. And I had to tell heryou have to respect what I got going on just like I have to respect you. Hell you leaving the very next day after my wedding to be with this man. So I strongly suggest you let her know what you will and will not tolerate but on a respectful way. Cause like pp. If nothing is done now it will carry into your marriage and you dont want that ! Everything will be ok. Just stand your ground, pray and it will work itself out !
  Posted by MrsBad13[/QUOTE]

  

  Report0 Reply