Wedding Etiquette Forum

Has anyone taken MIL wedding dress shopping??

I just recently found out from my fiance, that my FMIL is offended that I didn't ask her to go wedding dress shopping with me. I took my mom and my sister(MOH) and I bought one of the first dresses I tried on, so I won't be looking at any more gowns. Do you traditionally take your FMIL with you? Also does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can smooth over this situation? His parents are starting to come inbetween us.

Re: Has anyone taken MIL wedding dress shopping??

  • My FMIL did the same thing when I bought my dress without anyones imput. To smooth things out I invited her to come to the first dress fitting to make her feel more involved. I also made a special date to go look for her dress with her.
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  • I invited my FMIL with me. She doesn't have any daughters so I figured if I didn't ask her, she might miss out on the experience.
  • I invited my MIL because she doesn't have any daughters and I knew she'd love it.  She had a great time, and I'm so glad I took her.

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  • My FDIL invited me to go so I did. I was honored that she asked me when she didn't have to. I asked her a couple times if she was sure, I didn't want to take a special time away from her and her mother.  I did go, I had a lot of fun. She's going to be doing more looking, I don't know if she'll invite me or not. If she does, I'll go and if she doesn't, that's ok. I won't be offended. 
  • I did invite my MIL, so if you were looking for people to tell you that it's unheard of, I guess you're out of luck ;-)

    To smooth over her hurt feelings, I'd simply tell her that on your first outing, at least, you wanted just the girls in your family to go - maybe add that that's the tradition in your family and you honestly didn't think she'd be hurt by it.  Then, you found the perfect dress, so there won't be another shopping trip.  Perhaps you can offer to go with her and watch her trying MOG dresses.  At the very least, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, and I am sorry" would be a nice thing to say. 

  • opalsky007opalsky007 member
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    edited March 2010
    HELL no. I mean, she's a nice lady, and has no daughters, but we have totally different tastes in everything and she knows it. I avoid even window shopping with her because she goes on rants about how ridiculous she finds clothes I think are cute.

    ETA: Maybe smooth things over by involving her in another way. My MIL loves flowers, and I could care less, so I took her to the florist with me. You could get her involved in florals, decor, etc.
  • No, we were in different states so she never said anything. BUT I did take her with me to one of my fittings.
  • My DIL was sweet enough to invite me and I am so thankful that she did.  I have two sons and never would have had the opportunity to experience it otherwise.  It was so much fun to tell her how gorgeous she looked in everything that she tried on!
  • MIL expressed to me early on that she was probably going to order hers from a catalog, but she did show me a few options that she liked and I told her which one I liked the best, which actually was the one that she liked the best.

    But she's really low-maintenance like that.

  • I'm having the same problem with my FMIL.  She doesn't have any daughters and really wants to go with me.  But I already have my mom and sister/MOH coming with me and don't want to be overloaded with opinions.  Plus FMIL always has a way of making me feel unfashionable.  She works at a high end clothing boutique and whenever she talks me into trying stuff on there, I always feel like she thinks I have no sense of style.

    First she asked FI if she could come dress shopping with me and I told him no. Later she emailed me a recommendation for a dress shop and volunteered to come with me "if I wanted".  I thanked her for the recommendation, but didn't mention anything about her coming with me.

    I don't think its an obligation at all to take your FMIL.  It all depends on the dynamics of your relationship.

    I would try to come up with another way to involve her.  Maybe take her to lunch.

  • I'm very close with my FMIL so she came dress shopping with me. Plus, my own mother didn't want to go so it was nice to have her there.

    However, most of my friends didn't bring their FMILs.
  • I went with my FMIL instead of with my mom. I am not close to my mom-actually my step mom but the only mom I have know- and we do not get along. Through the past four years that I have been with my boyfriend, she has been like a mother to me and is always there for me. It was the obvious choice for me!!
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  • sep72fendrsep72fendr member
    edited March 2010
    I'm torn on the dress situation for invites to the store. I really do think going is an honor and should never be expected. I want to go first with my MOH and do best friend bonding because its been a while for us but then I considered having my FMIL (she has 2 son {one is my FI!} s and a daughter{ who I don't forsee getting married soon}) go with me on another outing because my mom is 2 hours away and doesn't drive and it's complicated. I would love Fi's mom to come with because she is sweet and it would be a nice thing for us to do as future in-laws.
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  • Nope.  In fact, I did my first time trying on dresses with my mom, MOH, sister and sister-in-law and from now on it is my mom and I.  It is just too much to deal with.

    My FMIL has no daughters.  Her and I have opposite tastes, she is incredibly pushy and impatient, and she just has no time in her day.  I would be shocked if I found out she was offended I didn't invite her though.  It does not peak her interest.
  • 1.   Maybe this is regional, because, except for the national Knot boards, I have never heard of anyone inviting FMIL to go dress shopping.  Never.  Here, that's considered a very important, private bonding experience between the mother and daughter.  It's the last rite of passage as the mother helps the daughter get ready to get married. 

    2.  Your FI needs to get some big boy pants and handle his family business.  He shouldn't run to you and say that his family is upset or his mother feels slighted or whatever else he's throwing on you.  When his mother said something to him, he should have said, "Oh Mom, that's how things are done in the Smith family, that's all.  But you know our side has the responsibility for hosting the RD.  When can we get together and set up where we want to visit for tastings and get started on planning the RD?"
  • I went with my mom and MOH the first time, then by myself a bunch of times, and the last time (when we found/bought the dress), mom and fMIL came.  My fMIL also only has 2 sons, and  I knew it meant a lot, even though she didn't say it.  She also isn't very vocal about her opinions, which also helped- I didn't have to worry about differing tastes, etc. 
  • I invited her but she was out of town when we went and I couldn't change around plans because moh and I took the day off to go. But I am going with her and my mom to shop for their dresses..
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  • I just went with my Mom, then my mom and sister/MOH, and actually ended up buying a dress when I was with a friend.  FMIL doesn't live in my state, but I would probably have done things the same way and don't think she would have expected to come.  I did email her a pic of the dress after I got it and she is handling our flowers for the ceremony, so she's involved in the planning.  As a PP said, maybe you could give yours a project that is hers to manage?
  • I went dress shopping several times and had a different combination of people each time. The one time that I invited my FMIL and FSIL was the worst. My FSIL is 16, so she was completely distracted by the homecoming dresses in the store. My FMIL didn't like anything that I was trying on. Actually, she didn't say much, but I could just tell. Then, while I was still standing there in a dress, they left because it was "getting late", but ended up going to another store in the area to look at homecoming dresses. I had the best time with just my mom and my sister.
  • I want to take FMIL shopping.  However, I have a tattoo on my arm that she doesn't know about, and I don't really want her to find unless I get something to cover it effectively I don't know if it's a good idea.  I have a feeling she will feel left out though, so I might try to get some dermablend to cover it so that she can come.  We'll see what I can do.
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