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ASKING Someone To Throw You A Bachelor Party?

easton87easton87
10 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My FI was asked by someone he works with to throw his a bachelor party as he is getting married in 2 weeks.  My FI isn't even in his wedding party and he has only known him for a little over 2 years. 

I am kind of shocked by this, as I thought the best man and groomsmen were supposed to do this.  Also, I don't think you are supposed to just go and ask someone to throw a bachelor party for you, it's usually a surprise.  To make matters worse, this groom wants my FI to take him paintballing and then to rent a cabin for the weekend for him and some other people.  We are getting married and trying to save money and we don't have the cash to throw around like that.  I am so disgusted.

What do you all think?  Am I wrong to think like this?
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Re: ASKING Someone To Throw You A Bachelor Party?

  • chigirl2010chigirl2010
    100 Comments
    I'm not usually offended by ANYTHING (B-lists, pot lucks, whatever floats your boat works for me) but this is just WOW. So there's your litmus test, :) definitely rude and offensive.
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  • JenGin74JenGin74 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    I hope your FI said no.
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  • baystateapplebaystateapple member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Maybe it's just me, but I feel like lately a LOT of guys I know are being really demanding about having a bachelor party, and what they want to do for it.  Maybe it's not just guys, I don't know.  I never had a problem in all the weddings I was a BM/MOH for, with the bride being demanding about the bachelorette.  But I keep hearing stories about guys demanding crazy bachelor parties, and it's so irritating.  Entitled much?
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  • danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Nope, you aren't wrong at all.  I'm guessing the groom's best man and GM didn't plan anything.

    Your FI can say no.  Or he can ask for the best man's contact info and get with him and try to get all those guys to chip in. At any rate, your FI wouldn't pay for everything so don't worry about that.  For bachelor/bachelorette parties, every one that goes pays their own way.
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  • PharmacyBridePharmacyBride
    500 Comments
    No- those are a lot of expectations.. and a huge burden to throw.  I wouldn't be mad if he asked him to arrange a local bar crawl and maybe order matching shirts... but a weekend cabin and paint ball?!?  

    My FBIL just had something similar at his BM's lake house this past weekend and it was a ton of fun- but an insane amount of planning went into it from food,  to alcohol, to figuring out the budget, etc.  You don't ask for an event like this unless someone already offered to throw you one and asked what you wanted to do.

    WOW simply decline and say you don't have time/$ to pull that off.
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  • Julz629Julz629 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    Wow, that's ballsy.  Please tell me he made up an excuse why he can't do it.

    I am annoyed with FI's GM because they are letting him do some of the planning for his bachelor party.  i.e. he is inviting people over to our house to grill, get a keg, etc. before going out to the bars.  I keep telling him that his groomsmen should be doing this and they should be handling ALL the planning, but he gets mad at me for trying to micromanage.  I have even vented to his brothers (both best men) and FMIL about how he shouldn't be planning any of the details of his party but nothing has changed.  Oh well...boys will be boys.
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  • AllAboutTheBenjaminAllAboutTheBenjamin member
    10000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited August 2010
    Ditto baystateapple.

    My fiance's groomsmen are going ALL OUT for his bachelor party.  He would be fine with a more toned down, smaller gig, but his friends are flying him to Vegas for a weekend.  They'll have a blast, and I'm happy for him - but it seems like it's a bit much.

    ETA - Yeah, asking someone to plan your bach party is a TAD BIT RUDE.
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  • marisah83marisah83 member
    100 Comments
    Wow, that is incredibly rude.  Your FI should just say no.  It isn't cool to ask someone to do it for you, and it is doubly rude to tell him how it should be.  Maybe the groomsmen were fed up with the groom being so demanding and just didn't want to do it?  If your FI doesn't want to say no, tell him to say, "Hey, I don't think I can do that much planning, but give me the names of some guys, and I'll call them and tell them to meet at this bar at this time."  Let that be it.
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  • TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I wouldn't be put off by wanting to go out for drinks and *maybe* have your FI host it in name only. But a cabin for the weekend? And your FI is supposed to pay for the whole thing? No. My friends are planning on renting a cabin for the weekend for my bachelorette and you'd best believe everyone is splitting the cost - me included, if they'll accept my money.
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