More +1 questions...

zoheret · April 2012

It looks like there have been plenty of questions regarding guests bringing dates recently, but I don't see these particular situations- sorry if they are a repeat

Background on our wedding: getting married June 29th, invitations have gone out, venue has max capacity of 125, we invited 123. We wanted to keep the wedding small-ish, both because of cost and the fact that we aren't super pumped about being the center of attention, especially in front of lots of strangers.

One of my bridesmaids has never dated anyone, nor has she expressed any interest in dating anyone before. She is going to have lots of friends at our wedding, so we didn't give her a +1 on the invitation. However, yesterday we were at a party together and she says, "I can bring a date to the wedding, right? Because I already asked someone." I was a bit shocked and asked who, and she replied with "Someone I've been seeing a few times. I'm not ready to talk about it yet." I managed to sputter out that I would need to check the guest list...should I just let this slide to avoid drama, even though I'm pretty annoyed at the assumption?

My second question is about a date for my dad. My mom passed away two years ago in July, so obviously that wound will still be fresh and I know I'm going to be pretty emotional about it on our wedding day. My dad has tentatively been stepping back into the dating world recently, and this past week he springs on me that he has a new girlfriend. I've never met this woman and it's very new for him. I've got a lot of mixed feelings about it. Do I have to invite her to the wedding at this point?

chelseamb11 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_more-1-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:891bd9db-1d71-47ef-b519-7702cc5874a4Post:5930a80d-fa78-4b32-85cf-72e8963932dd">More +1 questions...</a>:
[QUOTE]It looks like there have been plenty of questions regarding guests bringing dates recently, but I don't see these particular situations- sorry if they are a repeat :) Background on our wedding: getting married June 29th, invitations have gone out, venue has max capacity of 125, we invited 123. We wanted to keep the wedding small-ish, both because of cost and the fact that we aren't super pumped about being the center of attention, especially in front of lots of strangers. One of my bridesmaids has never dated anyone, nor has she expressed any interest in dating anyone before. She is going to have lots of friends at our wedding, so we didn't give her a +1 on the invitation. However, yesterday we were at a party together and she says, "I can bring a date to the wedding, right? Because I already asked someone." I was a bit shocked and asked who, and she replied with "Someone I've been seeing a few times. I'm not ready to talk about it yet." I managed to sputter out that I would need to check the guest list...should I just let this slide to avoid drama, even though I'm pretty annoyed at the assumption? My second question is about a date for my dad. My mom passed away two years ago in July, so obviously that wound will still be fresh and I know I'm going to be pretty emotional about it on our wedding day. My dad has tentatively been stepping back into the dating world recently, and this past week he springs on me that he has a new girlfriend. I've never met this woman and it's very new for him. I've got a lot of mixed feelings about it. Do I have to invite her to the wedding at this point?
Posted by zoheret[/QUOTE]
Well were they both in relationships when you sent the invitations out? If so, you should be giving them both a +1. If these are new relationships, it's not REQUIRED, but it would be nice of you to be able to do that. Like you said, you still have 2 open spaces.. why not give them to them?

MyUserName1 · April 2012

This is not a unique situation.

Yes, you should allow your bridesmaid and your father to bring their significant others.

deanozzi · April 2012

About your bridesmaid... Are you giving everyone else +1's? If so she should get a +1 also.

Your father... I am so soory that your fathers new girlfriend may be at your wedding. Yes, she should be invited.

lyndausvi · April 2012

If you have the room I would give it to them.

redheadfsu · April 2012

Since both of these are new relationships and invites were already sent, you don't have to invite them (since it appears they became a couple AFTER you sent invites). However, since this is your dad and your close friend you should try your hardest to invite their new significant others.

zoheret · April 2012

Yes, both relationships were initiated after invitations had been sent. We tried to abide by the "social units" rule when we did send out invitations (and keep in mind I do not know anything about the bridesmaid's relationship- whether they are exclusive, how many times they have been out, etc.) . I'm not trying to begrudge either one the opportunity to bring someone, these scenarios were just more complicated to me.

Sorry our situations weren't unique enough for you, MyUserName.

pokepoke27 · April 2012

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm sorry to hear about your mothers passing. I know that must have been hard while you were planning your wedding : (

I would let the BM bring her new flame. You have the open space and she's your close friend.

I know if I was in your situation I'd sit down and have a H2H with your father. He might not WANT his new gf there. It's not like your parents divorced or anything, so I'm assuming he was still in love with your mother when she passed away. It might be painful for him to have a woman that isn't your mother there while you are being married. Or it could make it easier on him to have someone with him so he won't dwell on the fact that his wife can not be there with him. Either way I would allow him to bring his new gf if that is what he wants.

crash2729 · April 2012

I'm with MUN1 here.

I don't see how it's that different from any other situation.

Give the BM a +1. She's in the WP and probably spending some considerable amount of time/money for your wedding.

SO's have to be invited together. So if your Dad called her his GF, invite her and then he can choose whether or not he's comfortable bringing her or not.

That being said, you have two extra seats before cap. That truely won't make that much of a difference.

MrsGandthebeag · April 2012

I agree about letting your bm bring her new guy, although I don't think required since it was after you sent the invites. I don't agree with the others about your dad's new gf. As someone who has also lost a parent, I would have felt really uncomfortable if my mom brought a new boyfriend to my wedding. I'm very sorry about your mom. I know it's not easy.

Kate61487 · April 2012

Like PPs said, since the relationships developed after invitations went out you don't HAVE to let them bring dates. That said, for the BM, since its one of your close friends AND she already asked him I'd say yes for sure. If she hadn't already asked him I might re-think it, but that puts her in a really awkward spot to un-invite him, so since you have the space I'd let it slide.

For your dad - I understand why it would be potentially upsetting, but I think it should be your dad's call. You definitely don't need to have her in all your family photos or anything (although I'd have her in a couple in case this lasts), but if your dad wants her there I think it should be his call.

Meegles4 · April 2012

What Kate said, mostly.

Initially, I was thinking I'd say "no" the the friend because it sounds like this is still a very casual relationship and it developed after invitations went out. I'd say yes to your dad because he's actually referring to her as his girlfriend, and it must be important if he brought it up given the circumstances.

However, in reality as PPs have said, I likely couldn't say "no" to my good friend, so I'd probably say yes to both of these circumstances.

My concern with other PP comments is that you should say yes b/c you have the space. Part of why I'd have maybe said "no" to the friend is because you have no idea how many other people might pull out this same excuse...and at that point you WOULDN'T have space. So there's a part of me that would apply an equal rule to all, and if they weren't invited with a date for legit reasons, I would not allow a date if they asked.

Assuming these are your only two exceptions with no possibilities for others, and you do have the space, and they're both very close to you, then I'd let it go.

nextrightthing · April 2012

It doesn't sound like the BM has a boyfriend. She said it was someone she has been "seeing a few times." I don't think that really is the same as splitting up a couple.
I agree with PP that you should have a talk with your dad about this and go from there.

bonge · April 2012

I would say yes to the bm friend. I was under assumption all bms should get a +1, they shell out a lot of money for weddings so they should be accomodated? no? I would just go with it, you have the space, i am assuming she is important to you.

As for your dad i agree with the pp who said sit down with him, see what he wants. Sure, it will be hard for you as you will not have your mother there & she may be a reminder of that BUT he is your dad & you want him comfortable, if that means with his new gf as his date then i would do your best to put on the brave face.

I hate the attitude of "they will know lots of people so it will be ok". Really? If that was the case then it would be acceptable to have head tables. It is not fun being at a romantic event all night as a single person (unless you love that sort of thing, most people i know don't). I know it is impractical for some people to invite all but the excuse of they know lots of people is crap.

Have you ever sat alone at a table while everyone else got up & danced? Trust me, you feel like an idiot & a bit douche, especially if the people you know are ALL up dancing. I have seen it happen.

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