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September 2012 Weddings

Need Advice

First of all I hope everyone's planning is going good.  Personally I can't believe where the time is going!  So with that I have an issue, my MOH, who is my cousin and has always been like a sister.  We've said that we would be each other's MOH, so when I got engaged I knew that wasn't even a question.  Now I am questioning my decision!  She has not once in the last eight months asked if I needed help with something or how the wedding planning was going.  I was talking to a friend about this and she said I wasn't expecting too much and she should be asking me, I shouldn't have to be chasing her down to help me with stuff.  She doesn't have kids or go to school, so it's not like she doesn't have time.  I feel like I have made hints that I need help with stuff.  We also had an issue that she seemed more worried about what shoes she would be wearing since won't wear heels.  She even brought this up to my parents.  
I feel frustrated also because she has never mentioned anything about a shower or if anyone was holding one for me.  My/our aunt was in the hospital really sick and mentioned that she wanted to have a shower for me.  It brought tears to my eyes because I know she needs to feel better first.  I saw her a couple weeks ago and she was serious about hosting a shower for me and now that she is feeling better will are going through with it.  My MOH has no idea yet, I was hoping should ask me about it yet.!  My FI sister and aunt were even going to host a shower.   I am terribly blessed with those who have truely been part of this process!  I want to say something but I am terribly fearful that it will lead to a huge arguement, because when she's upset, it's overly upset.  I don't feel like she's been a good MOH and was not expecting this at all!  Sorry it's kind of long but I had to get this off my chest!  I just don't know what to do!!!

Re: Need Advice

  • In Response to Need Advice:
    [QUOTE]First of all I hope everyone's planning is going good.  Personally I can't believe where the time is going!  So with that I have an issue, my MOH, who is my cousin and has always been like a sister.  We've said that we would be each other's MOH, so when I got engaged I knew that wasn't even a question.  Now I am questioning my decision!  She has not once in the last eight months asked if I needed help with something or how the wedding planning was going.  I was talking to a friend about this and she said I wasn't expecting too much and she should be asking me, I shouldn't have to be chasing her down to help me with stuff.  She doesn't have kids or go to school, so it's not like she doesn't have time.  I feel like I have made hints that I need help with stuff.  We also had an issue that she seemed more worried about what shoes she would be wearing since won't wear heels.  She even brought this up to my parents.   I feel frustrated also because she has never mentioned anything about a shower or if anyone was holding one for me.  My/our aunt was in the hospital really sick and mentioned that she wanted to have a shower for me.  It brought tears to my eyes because I know she needs to feel better first.  I saw her a couple weeks ago and she was serious about hosting a shower for me and now that she is feeling better will are going through with it.  My MOH has no idea yet, I was hoping should ask me about it yet.!  My FI sister and aunt were even going to host a shower.   I am terribly blessed with those who have truely been part of this process!  I want to say something but I am terribly fearful that it will lead to a huge arguement, because when she's upset, it's overly upset.  I don't feel like she's been a good MOH and was not expecting this at all!  Sorry it's kind of long but I had to get this off my chest!  I just don't know what to do!!!
    Posted by johnsontar[/QUOTE]

    While it would be nice of a friend/relative, especially one involved in the wedding, to ask about how it's going with planning, she doesn't have to.  She also doesn't have to help with wedding stuff.  That's what FI is for.  It would be nice if she did, but all she has to do is buy the dress and show up to the wedding on time.

    As for the shower, it is lovely that you have people who want to give you this type of party, but your MOH is not required to do so.  Would it be nice?  Yes.  Required? No.  Just enjoy the shower(s) that you do have.  I would not mention anything to your MOH as she has done nothing wrong.
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    Once upon a time, there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.
  • I completely agree with PP. If you need help with something (say, maybe you need help making favors) it's okay to ask your MOH if she'd want to help, maybe while having some wine or something, but she's by no means required to say yes... and since she hasn't asked to help, I'd venture to guess she might not want to-- which is fine!


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  • I can understand your disappointment, but after all this time you obviously have to adjust your expectations. You can't say anything to her because in reality she isn't required to do any of those things as pp have pointed out. But do you engage her in other ways than just expecting her to do stuff for you or with you wedding related? My MOH lives in another city, has a career, and 2 small children. I never expected her to be at my house on weekends helping me or to even take the lead on planning a shower for me here locally. But since she is my best friend hence the reason she is my MOH, she is my go to person for wedding related questions and feedback, mainly via email what do you think of these invites? do you like those shoes or these shoes? etc.. This level of support works for both of us. It sounds like you are expecting too much from her and for whatever reason she isn't willing to be that involved. Now that you've vented, just move forward and seek that level of support and excitement elsewhere. It sounds like you've got plenty of other sources for it.
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