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SIL's really gone and done it this time!

temurlangtemurlang member
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in South Asian Weddings
Warning:  This is a rant!

Some of you will remember my SIL issues... in a nutshell, she's a financial drain.

What she's done now:

She moved into a super expensive flat in Mumbai.  She stopped working (which she barely did anyway).  She took MIL's money out of her bank account without asking (MIL has now closed the account and opened one that SIL doesn't have access to).  She "borrowed" money from the guy she's supposed to marry.  They aren't setting a wedding date and are telling us they need to "wait and see" about his job.

My ILs don't know that she's not working, and they're arriving here next week, so DH is tense about being put in the middle.  When she asks us for money (which she will I'm guessing in about 4-6 weeks), DH is planning to send her to stay with their parents in their village.  The problem is that we'll still be supporting her (since DH supports his parents) and how will she work or get married in the village?

Sometimes I can't believe she and DH are related!
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Re: SIL's really gone and done it this time!

  • raangoliraangoli
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wow. Your SIL lives in her own world, doesn't she? How did she expect to pay for the flat? Or she didn't really give that much consideration? What do your in-laws think she is doing with her time?

    I feel bad for you and your husband. Being put in the middle is never easy and now you're going to have to host your in laws for a while. Can your husband put his foot down and declare tough love and say she needs to figure things out or he can't because his parents will pressure him?
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  • DFWIndianDFWIndian
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    edited December 2011
    This is a tough love situation! You need to get him to do because this is your money too. You should have a say. My sister did the whole taking money from my mom's account too. There was a huge fight and trust me a lot of tough love thrown around. She moved back in with our folks and going to school. She's a lot better with her money, but of course still working on it.
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  • jsleikjsleik
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree - tough love seems like what is in order here. Also, you're FI might want to tell his sister that either she can tell their parents she isn't working before they come, or he'll do it when they get there.  That way it is on her to figure out what she wants to do and you guys don't have to lie.  Maybe living in the village will be the wake-up she needs.  I'm guessing she doesn't want to live there and if her options are to either live there or get a real job and pay for herself, jobs might miraculously come her way!  Perhaps mentioning that now before she burns through that money might not be a bad idea... 

    Soooooooo much easier said than done!!  Good luck!  I'm sorry you're going through this!  It sounds so frustrating!!
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  • temurlangtemurlang member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_sils-really-gone-done-this-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:05d65325-cd67-42e8-af63-28708a94356bPost:471e46e6-8094-490c-bfb6-2de9fedc6163">Re: SIL's really gone and done it this time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]This is a tough love situation! You need to get him to do because this is your money too. You should have a say. My sister did the whole taking money from my mom's account too. There was a huge fight and trust me a lot of tough love thrown around. She moved back in with our folks and going to school. She's a lot better with her money, but of course still working on it.
    Posted by DFWIndian[/QUOTE]

    Your sister is pretty young, though (if I remember correctly).  I think it's common that teenagers or really young adults may not be good with money, and I'm sure your sister will continue to improve with time.  SIL is 36 so I'm not sympathetic.
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  • temurlangtemurlang member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_sils-really-gone-done-this-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:05d65325-cd67-42e8-af63-28708a94356bPost:ac565980-ff19-41b4-97eb-d9baa71dd05d">Re: SIL's really gone and done it this time!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow. Your SIL lives in her own world, doesn't she? How did she expect to pay for the flat? Or she didn't really give that much consideration? What do your in-laws think she is doing with her time? I feel bad for you and your husband. Being put in the middle is never easy and now you're going to have to host your in laws for a while. Can your husband put his foot down and declare tough love and say she needs to figure things out or he can't because his parents will pressure him?
    Posted by raangoli[/QUOTE]

    LOL!  Her very own special world!

    My ILs have a weird relationship with SIL actually.  They don't really like having her around, so they kind of encourage her to stay in another town.  I don't think they care what she's doing as long as it doesn't involve visiting them or eating (the whole family has a thing about eating).  FIL has gotten her jobs in the past, but things never take off.  She's very unrealistic (obviously).  For example, she told me she's from a rich family.  I was thinking "Oh no you're not!  I know exactly how much of DH's money is supporting that family, and you are not rich!"

    DH can put his foot down as much as he likes.  But he can only really cut off SIL by cutting off his parents too.  Even though MIL changed her account, FIL always ends up giving in and giving SIL money.
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