Friend of 10 years that lives in town vs Closer now friend that lives 3 states away

Re: Friend of 10 years that lives in town vs Closer now friend that lives 3 states away

• MairePoppy mod

  

  November 2012

  You could have them both be MOH. It doesn't matter if one or both of them are married or single. Maid of honor and Matron of honor are the exact same role.

                     

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• erinlin25 member

  

  November 2012

  Definitely wait until you have official wedding plans; and again with 3 girls in the wedding party, I'd pick 1 MOH or just have them all be bridesmaids if you can't pick one for MOH.  I have 5 bridesmaids (no official MOH)  b/c there was no way I would be able to pick between my 3 best friends to be the MOH.  They are all the MOH in my eyes so whats the point of one getting a different title? Whether they are "bridemaid"  or an "MOH" they will all be doing the same thing come your wedding day and thats all they really need to do.  Extra's are extra's and they can all plan that. take part in that if they wish, but who does more not make them the MOH

  
  
  
  

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• EK2013 member

  

  November 2012 edited November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_friend-of-10-years-that-lives-in-town-vs-closer-now-friend-that-lives-3-states-away?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8d190478-2f2e-4ba9-8e40-c95b861aeeddPost:d2c49347-5529-4735-b9c3-7b5a9426e13e">Friend of 10 years that lives in town vs Closer now friend that lives 3 states away</a>:
  [QUOTE]I have two girls that I would consider my best friends. One lives close by, we have been friends for 10 years, and we have supported each other through many things and still do- just don't talk as often anymore because we're both busy. The other lives in North Dakota (I'm in Washington) right now, but could be moving back to Oregon soon-she and I talk daily about everything, are talking about the details of both of our weddings, as she is engaged too, and is the one that first popped into my head when the maid of honor subject came up. Friend one has no idea that I'm even engaged yet, as my fiance and I purchased the ring, but it is out being sized and then he will be keeping it to propose "officially" in a couple weeks. I would love to sort of "propose" to this friend in asking her to be MOH and THEN tell her I'm engaged. I have already discussed the topic with friend two (I told her the day he surprised me by taking me ring shopping) and we briefly discussed how hard it would be for her to truly participate in the role because of the distance. However, being divorced and now engaged again herself, could I have her be my matron of honor, or does that one truly have to be married?? haha I'm new to this, sorry! I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I also am only planning on having 3 girls in the party, so the option of having two MOHs makes me feel weird only having one bridesmaid... Thoughts and advice?<div>Posted by akpwedding[/QUOTE]
  
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  </div><div>I would suggest either having the girl you already told (with the proviso that I'm assuming the wedding would be within a year of the proposal--otherwise, delay asking) OR having no MOH. </div><div>However, I personally think you should have a MOH and it should be this woman who came to your mind as the obvious candidate. The one who already knows about the engagement, who you talk to all the time, and who's clearly excited for you.</div><div>
  </div><div>My MOH and BM both lived 4+ hours from my venue and, at the time, also lived 3+ hours away from me (and a considerable distance from each other). I don't feel like I lost anything by having a long-distance MOH. </div><div>
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• Kate61487 member

  

  November 2012

  distance definitely shouldn't impact your choice - the MOH doesn't have any jobs to do other than show up for the wedding; and any BM or friend can volunteer to help out if they're close so forget that part of the equation.
  
  length of relationship can play a factor.  I think often if someone feels equally close to two girls the one shes known longer will end up being MOH.  But in this case it sounds like you're much closer to the other.  Don't overthink it.  I'm sure your friend of 10 years will be perfectly happy to be a BM.
  
  FWIW - I had two MOHs and I'm all for co-MOHs when you can't pick, but I agree with PPs that having two MOHs and just one BM would make the one feel less-than and left out.

  

   
  

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• Lisa50 member

  

  November 2012

  My initial thought is that you should not discuss the wedding details with anyone until your fiance makes it official (your wording).  Then, I'd refrain from any wedding party discussion with anyone, other than FI, until 4 to 6 months before the wedding date.

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