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Different Wedding, Same Date, Still Send Invites?

AKGopherAKGopher member
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi Knotties,

I've never posted here before because wedding planning has been going well - fantastic in fact. Then...learned last week that a family acquaintance just got engaged and will also be getting married on my same date in late June. I've already sent out my STD and about 50 people have indicated they will now be unable to attend because they will be going to the other wedding (in a different town, because they have known her longer). Ouch. 

Do I still invite them to the bridal shower and wedding? These are close family friends (not the bride, but the people who have now declined) but I'm hurt that they decided to jump ship. We have a tight budget, so saving money on invites would be wonderful, but I don't want to give them the cold shoulder either.

Also, to complicate the situation - one of the friends threw out the idea of having a joint BBQ the following day so the people that are unable to attend my wedding can still celebrate. Am I wrong to say no? Everyone will have just attended her wedding and the last thing I want to hear is how wonderful it was, instead of being asked about my special day, not to mention the fact that I have a bitter taste in my mouth of basically being "second best". I can't think of a worse way to start our Honeymoon, but this is one of the only times that I can celebrate with these people, as my fiancé and I now live in a different state. 

Any advice?
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Re: Different Wedding, Same Date, Still Send Invites?

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    rajahmdrajahmd member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    edited January 2013
    Ouch, that sucks.  Still send out invites though.  STD = invite.  You never know, they may change their minds.  Or the other bride might change her date.  Either way, if they choose her over you, just be graceful when responding to declines.  And it's totally ok to decline the joint BBQ.  There's no reason why you should subject yourself to that.  If they really wanted to celebrate with you, they wouldn't skip your wedding that they already knew about for one just announced.  Good luck, and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

    Addition: Maybe you could come to visit sometime in the ensuing months and throw a get-together of some sort, when the bad taste is out of your mouth.  Maybe that way how wonderful her wedding was won't be fresh on their minds, and instead they'll ask all about your's.  You could bring your wedding video/photos to share, because by then you might have your professional photos to show off.
    Anniversary
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    MsYeckMsYeck member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Personally I think it is tacky of a guest to verbally say their comming and then tell you they arn't because of a wedding they heard of later. For all these people know they may not even be on the other brides invite list. Unless it is family or you are actually in the wedding I find it super rude to decline for this reason.
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited January 2013
    Do I still invite them to the bridal shower and wedding?
    Yes to the wedding and it's up to you for the shower.

    You never know, things might change and you want to at least give them the option to attend these events.

    Am I wrong to say no?
    No, you are not wrong.


    I totally get that you're hurt and I don't blame you one bit. Buuut, these people do care about you, so as hurt as you are now, don't take their choices personally.
    image
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    "Do I still invite them to the bridal shower and wedding?" Yes. You have not changed anything in your planning.
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    reppunzelreppunzel member
    First Comment
    I would invite them to both the wedding and the shower (if they would have been on the shower list).  Knowingly or not, the other bride put the guests that overlapped in a really tough position (and you in an even worse one).  There may be some of those guests who are really  torn in making the decision of which wedding to attend, and would really like the chance to at least celebrate with you at your shower.  It's up to you, of course, but just thought I'd throw that perspective out there.

    So sorry you're having to deal with this!!!

    And I agree with PP -- absolutely no problem with refusing the joint BBQ.  It seems to have the makings of being awkward at best, and certainly not something I'd want to delay/interrupt my honeymoon for!
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    SewInLoveWithDMBSewInLoveWithDMB member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment Name Dropper
    I agree with all of the above - if they received a save the date, they should get an invite, even if you think they will not attend.

    Does it sting? Of course. So sorry you are going through this!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    image 293 (Adults) Invited
    image198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
    image95 No
    image0 Unknown

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